Parents, would you want this phone call? (Re: children and internet safety)?

Question

Late last night, I came across a young girl on the internet. She naively posted enough information that in less than five minutes time, I had her home address, and a name and phone number to go with that address. Using that name I was also able to locate her father's place of employment.

I mentioned to this child that this was dangerous, and she tried to say she lived elsewhere. She got very defensive and blamed it on a friend and used profanity in her profile claiming to be her friend. I said nothing further, and went to bed thinking about this-worried, really, because it was so easy. I have children of my own.

I discussed the issue with my husband this morning, and I called this child's mother. I am sure it was an akward call-I certainly felt awkward making it. But I felt it was necessary.
The mother sounded shocked, but hopefully will have a discussion with her child about the dangers of the internet.

Would you find a phone call such as this disturbing, or would you be glad that someone had taken the time to let you know?

While I appreciate the positive remarks, they are really not necessary. As a mother myself, I would want to be informed if my child were behaving in such a manner. I do not think I did anything spectacular.

As for the negative remarks...1. It is a good thing that I am NOT a sick and dangerous person. If I were, I certainly would not have called her mother. 2. None of my actions were illegal. 3. Listing sources here would be further exposing her personal information and I would not do such. But, yes it was easy to obtain her father's place of employment by typing his name in a popular search engine, and no-he is not in public office.

The amount of information that is available on the internet is amazing, but also scary in circumstances like this.

My children are 9 and 7, and only use the internet with my direct supervision. As they age, they may have more freedom but they will also have a lot of education about the dangers and I will STILL limit their activities.

Answer 1

I definitely think you did the right thing. My 13-year-old cousin (at the time) was doing something similar, AND posting tonnes of pictures of her beautiful self, and I "ratted her out" to her mother, my aunt. I felt like I betrayed her trust, but she got over it once she realized how stupid she'd been.

You definitely, definitely, definitely did the right thing, no matter how awkward the phone call was. I'm SURE they'd rather receive a phone call from you than from the cops.

Answer 2

There are multiple issues here. First of all, why is this child with her grandmother? A child should be with their biological parents unless said parents are unfit. If mom let daughter stay with grandma, dad should have stepped in at the outset and said "No, if she's not with you, she's with me." The courts would certainly back him up unless something is seriously wrong with dad. Second, the damage here has already been done. You can't put the genie back in the bottle. While you could try to seek custody and have her moved in with you (the truancy reason alone is a compelling legal cause), the fact is that she is already engaging in high-risk behaviors and is unlikely to stop doing so until she is good and ready. Trying to control her at this point will only cause both of you tension, pain and eventual separation. There are phones that come with gps location devices. While it's possible to buy one of these phones and give it to her, as soon as you make use of the feature, the cat will be out of the bag. So, if you're going to invest in this option, my advice is to use it only as a last-ditch attempt to find her in a case when she's missing and most likely in grave danger. The trick will not work twice.

Answer 3

As a parent I would find this call both shocking and disturbing. While my children are not yet allowed ANY unsupervised time on the internet, I have not decided how much privacy I will allow them when that time comes. On one hand, I like to think that my children can be truested having privacy, but on the other hand, there are a lot of creepy people on the web. The question really poses a serious split of ideas in my mind...I'm not sure there is a right answer, but I most certainly wouldn't want to get the call.

Answer 4

I have to agree that you did the right the thing no matter how shocking and awkward the phone call may have been for both the mother and YOU! People should be applauding your actions because you very well could have saved that girls life! Hopefully her parents will step up to the plate now and protect their child.

People think I'm terrible and strict because I have access to all my 14 year olds activities on the internet. They say she will just go behind my back and create secret accounts from her friends computers. We have told her that there are predators on the internet who search out young girls and pose just as much threat to her as the stranger on the street. She understands and says it doesn't bother her she knows we love her and are trying to protect her. I just have to pray that she will do whats right and not go behind our backs.

SO I'm giving you a standing ovation for following your gut instinct and calling the girls parents and would hope that someone would do they same thing if it was my child!

Answer 5

I would rather get the phone call then some pervert showing up at my door. Children need to know the dangers of using the internet and giving out information My children are to young to use it right now but when they are old enough Ima make sure to put blocks up and monitor them. I think alot of people don't see the dangers involved in letting their children chat online. At least you was able to bring this to her mother before something horrible happend.

Answer 6

It would be disturbing, but yes, it is definately a call that I would want. My son is only 17 months, so nowhere near old enough to be doing things like that on the internet, but when he gets old enough to use the computer I will make sure he understands the danger.

I myself was involved in turning in an internet predator, through the irresponsible actions of a friend. She met a guy and fell for him (when she was 15 in high school), and ended up giving him her first name, our high school name and adress, and the time and date of a basketball game that we would be preforming at during half time. She also gave him the description of our color guard uniform.

Needless to say, he was not at all who he said he was. When he arrived at the school and she saw him (wearing the outfit he described), she broke down & told us what she did. A friend & I got the school security guard, who called the police, who arrested the man. Turned out he was two decades older than he claimed to be, married, with two kids and he had a roll of duct tape, a rope, and a knife in his truck.

When the police were questioning him, he finally admitted that he was going to grab the girl (or possibly any one of us wearing an identical uniform), get her in the truck, drive out somewhere, rape her, and then kill her.

That was 6 years ago. I'm not sure of the exact sentance, but the guy went to prison.

So my policy is better safe than sorry.

Answer 7

"While I appreciate the positive remarks, they are really not necessary. As a mother myself...
As for the negative remarks..."

Oh, bullsh!t you didn't want the positive remarks. You clearly don't want the negative ones, so what else did you post this for if not a pat on the back?

It's easy to find that info out about 90% of the Internet, for heavens' sakes. Or anybody in your neighbourhood whose first and last name you happen to know. Or anybody who ever wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper or magazine, or joined a professional association, or...

Yours is rather a strange hobby.

I would've been thoroughly creeped out by the call, myself.

Answer 8

You did the right thing by letting the parent know about the daughters wreckless information sharing. But what I wonder is if the mother was wondering how or why you and her child were having internet communications? What forum (other than one like this), were you talking with children online?

Answer 9

listen, Ive said it b4 and yes so did Briteny spears, girls are not that innnocent. I was online many times years ago(I dont do chat anymore because of this) me and my coworker online got an IM(instant message) inviting us over to a girls house....(now we didnt even know her NOR did we initiate this IM the girl butted in on our chat!).as my friend asked her a few things, like address and all, (she had said she was over 18) I got an IM screaming at us from her MOM saying what kind of pervert we were and didnt we know her daugther was 13!!!! I said listen here lady look back at the chat and you will plainly see YOUR daughter initiated the chat NOT us! we were busy minding our own business when she IMED US!! she looked and saw we were right and never saw that ID again....so parents dont think that grown men are always the ones TROLLING the net! This actually happened to me many times online! YOUR daughters are bored and are rebelling and go out on their own to start this in many cases!

Answer 10

Holy Cow!
I would with out a doubt be glad that some non-pedophile, who was able to get this information, took the time to call me and tell me!
Could you imagine what the other phone call would have sounded like?