Dear Muslims.... How long is mourning of a loved ones demise allowed?

Question

I was reading something once and came upon a story of pre-Islamic Arabia where a woman mourned for her brothers death, for over 14 years. Then it was said that mourning for more than 3 days is not allowed... since we have to move on with our life, and thank Allah for everything.

I wanted to know if there is a specific hadith or Aya that point to this, directly or indirectly.

Please do star this if your unsure.

Answer 1

Bukhari :: Book 2 :: Volume 23 :: Hadith 371
Narrated Zainab bint Abi Salama :

I went to Um Habiba, the wife of Prophet, who said, "I heard the Prophets saying, 'It is not legal for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person for more than three days except for her husband, (for whom she should mourn) for four months and ten days'." Later I went to Zainab bint Jahsh when her brother died; she asked for some scent, and after using it she said, "I am not in need of scent but I heard Allah's Apostle saying, 'It is not legal for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for more than three days for any dead person except her husband, (for whom she should mourn) for four months and ten days.' "

Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 63 :: Hadith 254
Narrated Um 'Atiyya:

We were forbidden to mourn for more than three days for a dead person, except for a husband, for whom a wife should mourn for four months and ten days (while in the mourning period) we were not allowed to put kohl in our eyes, nor perfume our-selves, nor wear dyed clothes, except a garment of 'Asb (special clothes made in Yemen). But it was permissible for us that when one of us became clean from her menses and took a bath, she could use a piece of a certain kind of incense. And it was forbidden for us to follow funeral processions.
Malik :: Book 29 : Hadith 29.33.107 says women should only wear clothes which are black and not anything dyed from any other color.

Mourning is a term used differently, there are rituals for death in Islam like the washing of the body, the dress, the prayers...I think that this is not saying you can not cry or miss your love one..it is basically saying that the wearing of black or no jewelry, perfumes or refraining from going out should be for a limited time.

Then give the verse in the Quran..

Answer 2

peace be upon you sister,
yeah sister, a person shouldn't mourn another person for more than three days...........and when come to the case of wife who mourns her husband, some say, that she should mourn him for 4 months and 10 days, for she might be pregnant from him and therefore the baby would be known his father as well as the heritage would be distributed fairly and according to the Sharia, while others say, she should mourn him the same period mentioned above, by not going out of the house except in necessities as going to the doctor or such things, and this case is also applied on old women.
There are many opinions in this case.

Allah knows best.

Answer 3

I think as a muslim, we have to think wisely, what happen in this world is within Allah permission. There's always qada and qadar. Everthings been written by Allah, the day we were made in our mother's womb. The time and day we died everything is written before we were born. Please read this in Al-quran. If you been mouring for a death of someone meaning you really not happy with God decision. Its not we thank Allah for everything happen but sort of we are regret will Allah if we mourning.

Answer 4

Yes exactly, 3 days, with very limited way, not crying loudly, slaping ones own self, face or chest, like shiites.
Thanks for raising a very minute dimension of the glory of Islam.

When Shiites 3 days will finish to mourn Husain.

Answer 5

Loved ones and relatives are to observe a 3-day mourning period. Mourning is observed in Islam by increased devotion, receiving visitors and condolences, and avoiding decorative clothing and jewelry. Widows observe an extended mourning period (iddah), 4 months and 10 days long, in accordance with the Qur'an 2:234. During this time, she is not to remarry, move from her home, or wear decorative clothing or jewelry.

Edit: As for brother Muhammad's answer. We have to differentiate between mourning and grief. Grief may last for the whole life. Our Nabi (PBUH) used to remember Khadeeja (R.A) his whole life. That's not mourning but the love that Allah has placed in the hearts of his slaves which we all may greive in their rememberance.

"12 years after the death of Al Sayeda Khadeeja (the Prophets first wife), he was sitting one day at home with Al Sayeda Aisha (his wife), and he heard someone knocking at the door and a female voice asking permission to come in, and as soon as he heard the voice he got very excited and got up fast and smiled and said "Allah We Akabr - its as if I hear the voice of Khadeeja again?! - maybe its Hala the sister of Khadeeja? God please make her be Hala, God please let the person standing at the door turn out to be Hala" So Al Sayeda Aisha got jelous and said: "do u still remember that old woman (she's referring to Khadeeja), when God has given you a better wife (she's referring to her self) - and the Prophet (PBUH) here was in a situation and even after 12 years of her death he replied: "No, God has not given me someone better than her, for she has stood by me and sheltered me when everyone around me rejected me, she believed in me when everyone else did not believe.

Aaisha also said: "I was never jealous of any of the other wives of the Prophet like I was jealous of Khadeeja (radiyallaahu`anha). And I have not seen her, but the Prophet used to remember her a lot. Sometimes, he would sacrifice a sheep, then cut its limbs and send them to Khadeeja's friends. So sometimes, I would say to him: "It is as if there was no other woman in the world other than Khadeeja." So he would say: "How can I forget her?" Most likely, he would not to leave the house before mentioning Khadeeja and praising her.

Khadeeja the Mother of the Believers, died helping the Messenger of Allaah in conveying the call to Islaam. She died three years before the migration (Hijra) to Al Madina at the age of sixty five. The Prophet (sallallaahu`alaihi wa sallam) then buried her with his own hands. Her death was a great misfortune for the Prophet who never forgot her nor overcome his grief over his great loss.


http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=1333&ln=eng&txt=mourning
http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=13307&ln=eng&txt=mourning
http://islam-qa.com/index.php?ref=2628&ln=eng&txt=mourning

Answer 6

Mourning i think is not limited...what we're not allowed to do are excessive crying, screaming, wanting to die with the loved one.....mourning could be, still thinking of the loved one to pray...

Answer 7

You cannot stop someone for Grieving over the death of some loved one whether he is a Muslim,Christian or Jew..Grief takes its own time to heal and would differ in the length of time it takes.The Advice people give to mourners is meant to help the person to accept the inevitable and live the rest of their life without injury to their own well-being.

Answer 8

yes there is hadith where our prophet Mohammed ( PBUH ) said " it is forbidden for a woman to mourn of a died one more than three days unless her husband she must mourn of him four months and ten days "



sorry my basic language isn't English so the spilling isn't perfect

Answer 9

Mourn as much as long as you want sister we are from God and to God we will all return. If you remember or read surah Joseph(s) the father of youssef (s) cried for his son unitl his eyes became white and could not see he mourned for over 20 years.

Edit: When i hear about a hadith that contradicts the Quran i discard it.


'And they came with false blood on his shirt. He said, 'This what you say is not true but your souls have made a great thing appear light in your eyes. So comely patience is now called for. And it is Allah alone Whose help is sought against what you assert.'

And he turned away from them, and said: "How great is my grief for Joseph!" And his eyes became white with sorrow, and he fell into silent melancholy.

They said: "By Allah! (never) wilt thou cease to remember Joseph until thou reach the last extremity of illness, or until thou die!

He said: I only complain of my grief and sorrow to Allah, and I know from Allah what you do not know.

Take this my shirt and cast it on my father's face, he will (again) be able to see, and come to me with all your families.

When the caravan left (Egypt), their father said: "I do indeed scent the presence of Joseph: Nay, think me not a dotard."

Then when the bearer of the good news came, He cast (the shirt) over his face, and he forthwith regained clear sight. He said: "Did I not say to you, 'I know from Allah that which ye know not?'"

Holy Quran

Answer 10

look sister...my teacher once told me that this mourning and wearing black....is something made by the FATIMEIN الفاطميين ..i mean that the prophet didnt tell us to wear black whensomeone die..and i am unsure so i starred your question