when you invite your child's friend along, who pays?

Question

If you were going somewhere and your child wanted to ask a friend to come along, who typically pays? I've always felt that if I invite another child along with us that it's my treat but a couple times lately friends of my children have called and invited them places and then their moms tell me "but we need you to pay for xxxxx's ticket". Now I'm always planning to send the money along for my kids and insisting on paying their way anyway but I just think it's odd for them to have their child call and invite my child with the expectation that if my child accepts that we will be coming up with money. What if I didn't have the money to pay my child's way and your child has already invited my child and my child has accepted? I guess that when I'm expected to shell out $$ to send my child somewhere I prefer to be asked privately instead of my child being involved - so if I have to say no then I'm not the "bad guy" in my child's eyes. Just curious what others think...

SHSHSH - I agree with what you are saying (and we were planning on sending the $$ to cover our child anyway). My child did ask me permission first but I didn't want him to be disappointed so I agreed that he could go. My point is (and I should have clarified) that my child is 8 and it is my feeling that the friend's mom should have called me to discuss it and extend the invitation rather than my son's friend calling my son to invite him. I feel that if I could have spoken to the mom I could have just declined (the ticket to this place is around $50.00 and with food it was around $70.00 I needed to come up with) but it made it a whole lot harder once my son was aware of the invitation. Know what I mean? I would have preferred to keep this between the other parent and myself and let my son be oblivious that the invitation ever even existed.

Answer 1

generally if my child is invited somewhere, i try to give her the money to cover her expenses.
if i want to take my child somewhere, museum, movies, etc. and i think it would be fun for her to have a friend... i make sure i have the money before i ask her, would you like so and so to come along. if it's something where i may not be able to afford to pay for her friend, i call the parents before i even mention it to my daughter so that i can tell them.... we are going here and thought it might be fun if your child could go, would you be able to afford to help pay for this? that way my daughter doesn't become upset if they can't afford it, what she doesn't know can't hurt me. :-)
i wish everyone were as tactful about it as they can be instead of using the kids as the go between.

Answer 2

If I invite someone's child to go along, I pay. If one of my children are invited to go somewhere, I also pay. Either way I do not mind paying.

Answer 3

Your child asked your permission before agreeing or should have. Before giving permission, you should assume and always offer to pay for your own child. If you can't or don't want to pay your child's way, then tell him he can't go this time. If the host graciously declines to accept you offer to pay, thank them and allow them to pay. When you are inviting another child, you should be prepared to pay for him and may or may not accept if his parents offer to pay.

I think, in general, the host should pay. And I agree it is rude for the host to ask you for money. But I also think it is rude for you not to offer. And if that means you end up paying more, than you can just count it as the happy cost of politeness.

Answer 4

I can totally relate to what you are saying there, and yes I agree that the parent should have checked with you first to see if you could afford for your child to go...$70 is a LOT of money.

If my son wants to invite a child (and as I am on a very low income) I always instruct him to ask if his friend has the money to pay his way...mind you my child is 11yrs old it gets easier as they get older.

By the same token, your 8 yr old will only grow in knowledge when faced with the dilemma of the "sorry not enough money" speech (is the way of the world at times) and could be inspired to start a piggy bank for those special occasions that pop up :-)

In the end you do what feels right for you and your son, best of luck with it

Answer 5

Sounds like ur block is taking u for the kool aid mom...

I normally pay for the other child fee's if we invite him along. If my son is being invited out, I expect for the parents to cover the expenses being that they offered to take him out...I have been known to throw suttle hints...such as.

Well, who's paying, how are u getting there...before anyone assumes that I am the money bag/ taxi mom.

I agree with ur tack...the other parents are a bit selfish.

Answer 6

Depends on where we're going. There are parks that cost upwards of 20 or 30 bucks to get in, then I don't pay. I don't expect others to pay for my kid either because it's ridiculously expensive.

Answer 7

The asker does the paying. And should make it clear that they intend to, especially if the ticket is high priced, and the other parent would feel uncomfortable giving a kid big bucks "just in case"to see a show.
Some people have a pride problem, they perceive invites to be a charitable act, and want to not be in debt to anyone. Fine. And you can call and ask, should I send money with my kid? If whether the answer is "yes" or "no", it is up to you to say yes or no to your child going or not.
And you are right, the parent should call you first and say, something like " I am taking my kid to Disney on Ice, we will buy the tickets at the box office, the most it could cost is $xx. I am providing the transportation and buying the kids a Happy Meal after, could you buy your kid his ticket? I told my kid he could have two kids ride with us, and he picked your kid."
Or, my kid and I are going, would you and your kid like a ride?I had a friend long ago ask me to go to a HS basketball game, and she said we would stop for a burger after. I talked to my parents, they did not want me to go, and I really didn't know if my friend expected me to pay. She did, good thing I asked for "just in case" money!

Answer 8

if others dont have any manners then leave it upto them.. but etiquette says... if you've invited your kid's friend, you should pay for him. If you can't pay for him, dont invite.

And also, if you sending your child with someone, make sure put some money in his pocket if in case he need it in emergancy, he could use it. but make sure you clear this thing to your child, if his friend's family ask them for the payment, then only pay otherwise no need to spend it. and make sure you dont send your kids with people like them again..

i wont.. never.

Answer 9

Dont invite your child's friend unless you are willing to pay the whole amount for both of them.

Answer 10

When someone comes with us I pay. When my child goes with someone else I always make sure they have enough money to pay just incase the parent doesn't offer.