Are people inextricably forged by their upbringing?

Question

If your upbringing was seriously odious in more ways than anyone would want to image, so much so that survival itself shaped the person, can the person ever be free that past? Talking of it does not help, although the person did try, just once, by disclosing bits around the edges to a Psychiatrist, but it was a disaster. It was too overwhelming. Through such an upbringing between the ages of 4 and 20 the person is the sum of the abuse, violence, disgust, torment, neglect and fear that were their daily existence. An adult can escape the outside façade of their lives, their physical environs, by relocating, changing employment, habits, cloths, appearance and associates. This has been done. But is it not a person’s inability to escape their self that leads them to suicide? To seek to the grail of peace it offers. How can such a person ever escape the wealth of darkness within?

Thank you for the responses so far. Let me admit that sexual abuse was part of it, but so was physical abuse/torture, emotional neglect, psychological games etc. Because of the scope of the abuse the physical body didn’t do so well either. I think the military would get a good laugh; though otherwise it would have been an interest, yet still it would have been hiding. I am unsure why some abused become abusers; it is so abhorrent to me, if you know the gravity of the suffering why perpetuate it. How can the sharing of words separate the person from themselves?

Thanks for the warning about scienotlogy. When i was a teenager i would often walk the streets, sleep anywhere, and did meet some great christians who let me stay over at there houses on some weekends. That helped me to keep things together at times and maybe prevented some bad decisions

Answer 1

Man, you need to write lyrics for a heavy metal band or something - that pretty good stuff (I'm a musician and writer too).
But seriously, I know therapy was probably stressful for you, but it's too bad you didn't dump everything out that happened to you. That's the therapists job, to listen, and believe it or not they've probably heard far worse stories. If you ever get a chance to go again, go and this time don't edit, pick and choose what you think they need to know. Kind of like not answering your medical doctors questions fully (well, that bleeding from the rectum is just to stressful to talk about, so I'll leave that out).
As for your question, it's essentially a "nurture" vs. "nature" question (Freud vs. Jung vs. "good breeding") They are still arguing about it and will never be sure which is important, but what's very clear now is that they are both very important. Your genes provide the size of the cup. Your environment provides how much water gets poured into that cup. In other words, you can't take a person of average intelligence and turn them into Einstein with education and stimulation, and you probably can't take a person who is especially nice and stable from their nature and turn them into a psychopath through abusive environment - not a "politically correct" thing to say but it's true. That person will just say "man that sucked, I'm glad that's over and I will do everything in my power never to subject my kids to that kind of crap!"
Take care and God bless. Don't know if this helped at all but I think nobody is a slave to either their upbringing or their genes. People beat the odds all the time and we DON'T have to repeat the mistakes of our parents (recognizing that they were mistakes is the first step to not repeating them, so you're already far on your way!) Best.

Answer 2

I think man has the capacity to change, but I also think that we are the sum total of our experiences.

I'm sorry those 16 years were bad for you. I was in the ER last year with my 83 year old mother when I heard a nurse tell her that she could either be "happy or sad." That has haunted me ever since.

There is something that you must be aware of and address: abused children tend to be abusive adults. Not always, but frequently. This is something you must be careful not to inadvertently pass down.

People kill themselves for so many reasons. Some people have dispatched themselves merely because they don't have money. Others choose this due to ever present pain.

We can't escape ourselves, but that isn't necessarily a prelude to suicide. A far more dangerous possibility is that we will drug and medicate the collected rage and pain, and as a result loose sight of who we are and what we're about.

My childhood wasn't great, but I never thought to off myself or become a serial killer-instead, simply make sure that I didn't dole out what I went through to some other unsuspecting human being.

Answer 3

We often dramatise what has happened to us on our children. This is not good but it is the way it happens. Why? and why do you feel the way you do?

Yes people are forged by their upbringing, but not completely.

Read the book "Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health" it discusses all of your questions and answers them. It also contains a therapy that can be used to relieve these past images. It is talking about the problems but seek a professional and they will know exactly where to start. You will not be overwhelmed when the correct starting point is used.

Its like jumping into a formula 1 car after just driving on the streets of the city, you will be overwhelmed. It is a precision science dealing with the problems you are talking about and it requires a precise technology to deal with it properly.

Check out the website below.

Answer 4

You can improve your eyesight by simply learning, naturally and practicing the correct way to see for a few small minutes a day.
You can check this method based on a scientific researches :

http://improvevision.toptips.org

if glasses are worn continuously over time the poor vision will generally become worse. Essentially what glasses do is lock the eyes into their refractive state and in order to see through your lenses you have to maintain the poor vision that the lenses are designed to correct.
"Restore my vision” program you'll be taken by the hand, it shows you how to improve your vision naturally, permanent and complete solution.
Even the American Optometric Association has been forced to admit these things!
I'm sure that you will not regret your decision

Answer 5

We are a some to total of all our experiences. Good and
bad. We have a God given ability to dig deep and pull up
the good experiences and let them be the ones to influence
our lives. Of coarse the bad experiences will pup up there
ugly heads from time to time. Those are the times that we
must dig the deepest for the good influences. You know.
The ones that gives us the understanding of the difference.
A major cause for our grief is the misconceptions that
somehow at 5 years old we were responsible for someone
else's actions. That we are responsible somehow for the
conditioning, the grooming, the brain washing. A
conditioning that takes one well into adulthood. That's the
time when guilt will move in to destroy our lives. When the
goodness in us starts taking over. We feel the guilt because
we do not take into consideration the years of 'programing',
'conditioning' and 'brain washing'. We have to see through
the eyes of someone who experienced these bad things and
understands where the fault really lies. Someone who can
truly grasp the meaning of conditioning. Those eyes can be
my eyes. But those eyes need to be your eyes. - If you are
determined to feel guilt then ask God's forgiveness. You
must remember that God forgives. That sin can't be more
ugly to you than it is to God so you are required to forgive
yourself as well. Hope That helps

Answer 6

I have to say for a member of scienotlogy to post here is just strange. scientology doesn't belive mental health is real to start with and spend millions of dollars trying to keep people from trained therpist and doctors. Google ; scienotlogy and 9/11 and scientology and Virginia Tech to learn more.

Or just go to xenu.net and xenutv.com

Either way, remember this group will send you to their many websites and then will extract as much money as they can from you . In scienotlogy you don't donate, you pay set fees that can run into the thousands.

Answer 7

yourself is the only person that you can never escape from. but you can reason with yourself.who ever hurt you in your childhood did it, not you. you have no need to feel guilty; for it was not your doing. the pain will be there for a long time, maybe the rest of your life.turn it around and use it for your driving force.were you a rape victim? volunteer at a center that deals with that.victims of any abuse feel alone/ostracized as it is. with you being a survivor, your words and gestures will carry weight. and you know what they need. and if you can possibly prevent what happened to you from happening to another child, wouldn't that make your life worth keeping? my wife had been molested by her gfather from 5 to 13; as a teenager was raped by 2 of her brothers friends; & a few other things similar. suicide is permanent. everything else can be fixed or at least dealt with. did she ever forget? no. but she let it go some. find a release for your negative energy concerning this. or it will destroy you. and then the person who did these things to you wins. Again.


P.S. You seem to be intelligent. I would appreciate you sticking around, with there being an apparent lack of intelligent people on the face of this planet lately. :)

Answer 8

WARNING!

The above poster "dazza" is a scientologist and is trying to recruit you into the cult of scientology!!!

Dianetics is the first book of indoctrination into their cult.

He is lying about the therapy. He probably doesn't even know that he is lying because he has been brainwashed into believing it. Scientologists do things called "training routines" that teach them to lie.

The "therapy" he is talking about is called auditing. They hook you up to a simple skin galvanometer called the E-Meter and ask you questions. Scientologists are brainwashed into believing that the e-meter can read your thoughts. This is a lie.

``By itself, this meter does nothing.'' -- Excerpt from a disclaimer found in every E-meter book, and on the device itself.

A 1971 ruling of the United States District Court, District of Columbia (333 F. Supp. 357), specifically stated, "The E-meter has no proven usefulness in the diagnosis, treatment or prevention of any disease, nor is it medically or scientifically capable of improving any bodily function."

Dazza is specifically trying to keep you from seeing a therapist. When he says to consult a professional, he means a scientology auditor. The cult of scientology claims that psychologists and psychiatrists are responsible for every evil in the world throughout history.

For more information on this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology_and_psychiatry

For the truth about scientology and dianetics, go to www.xenu.net

You can watch videos of scientologists and former scientologists at www.xenutv.com

A site by a former member of the cult: www.lermanet.com

Please see a reputable psychologist and tell him/her your story. You should not be embarrassed because of the horrible things that were done to you. It is not your fault.

I wish you well.







Warning! This is a cult website:
www.dianetics.org

Answer 9

Wow, you certainly have a way with words.

In fact, I am so lost in your eloquence that I'm not sure what you are asking.

If you are bothered by past abuse/neglect tell a medical doctor and possibly get referred to a therapist.

I don't think moving is always going to make you forget unpleasant things in the past.

Answer 10

to be honest the only way o be free is to face it. may be not all at one time but level by level. getting closure might help, a Friend that will not judged and have pity but listen and lens there shoulder when needed. i would suggest that the person prepare themselves before they go down the road of recovery and finding out who they really are underneath all of there historic hurt. go to church, pray, and join groups that gather people with the same or similar problems