Was this the only chance I had at a relationship?

Question

I am a 27 year old guy, and have had a lack of romantic relationships in my life. I get VERY few opportunities, and on occasions I have been too shy to take those opportunities.

I have become increasingly frustrated, and saw a counsellor who gave me some advice, including "not pursuing women who were already attached to guys".

A few months back, I was acquainted with this girl, who was interested in me. She asked me to help her with school assignments, and at one point grabbed my hand and put it on her thigh. But, she was dating another guy at the time and this discouraged me from reciprocating her interest (even though I was attracted to her).

Eventually, she lost interest in me and I am now out of touch with her. These days, I blame myself everyday for not having responded positively to her. I also blame my counsellor for confusing me (by advising me to not pursue girls who are already attached)... I am feeling depressed and feel like I lost my only chance... how do I cope?

Answer 1

Of course this wasn't your only chance. I am always amazed at some of my shy friends who seem to stay home so often and then wonder why they don't meet any women. You have to put yourself out there, my friend. Have fun. Sure, you will meet some rejection along the way-everyone does. It can help you grow. Don't be so hard on yourself. Start with small steps. Go to the mall or anywhere and just make eye contact and smile. Say Hi when you feel a little more bold. Experiment with your body language and study the reactions that you get. Watch what outgoing people do and the type of reactions that they get. This is like just about any other part of life, the more you practice and develop, the more successful you will be. Best of Luck!

Answer 2

Well, you're still 27. That's still considered pretty young to me. I'm sure there are going to be more oppurtunities for you.

You did the right thing not to do anything with her. She was dating another guy, and the last thing you want to do is get close to someone who's already taken. It could cause serious problems.

Don't blame yourself, that never helps anything. You should just put it behind you. You shouldn't really blame the counsellor, either. It was no one's fault. If anyone's fault, it was the girl you were attracted to's fault for leading you on when she was already with someone.

The last thing you should be feeling is depressed. Don't let it get you down. Depression has led to panic attacks, thoughts of suicide and other things. You should set your mind onto something else, and try to work on your shyness. It'll help you be more outgoing and less... well, shy.

You didn't lose your only chance. You have years and years ahead of you, and so many more doors of oppurtunity for you. You just shouldn't let things get you down so much, try to overcome most, if not all your shyness, try to occupy your mind on other things and try to live life to the fullest and don't let the little things get you down.

I hope my advice helped.. I hope you do well in your future relationships. You did good, and you need to think positive.

Something you should think about is, if the girl you were attracted to was cheating and flirting behind her boyfriend's back, imagine what she could've done to you if you got together? Sometimes, you need to look at all the possible outcomes.

Good luck. ^_^

Answer 3

You did the right thing by not pursuing this so-called "opportunity". As others have mentioned, she will do the same thing to you (by hitting on other guys) once you hook up with her. Are you ready for this kind of pain?
One thing you mentioned -- about helping with school assignments. Is she in high school or in college? Not only should you avoid teenager girls for all the legal reasons, but in general, you want to date someone that's in the same age range (5 years or so). I have dated guys as much as 18 years older than me. I like mature guys, who has grown past the night club scene and will actually start thinking about how to save enough money to retire and all that, but on the other hand, I must admit they are a little more on the "boring" side. You want to date someone who you can share the life experiences with, who is in the same stage in their life as you are. You'll have alot more in common and alot more fun along the way.
Reading your question (your choice of words and grammar), you sound well educated and a well rounded person, and that is a strong asset you have there.
Don't you worry, just like wine, you get better with age. : )
Try Personals site, or try your local CL. But personally, I would say don't look for it too hard. Things happen for a reason and will come to you if it's meant to be (which explains why I'm 34 and still single).

Good luck!

Answer 4

Your counselor was right. You could have gotten some action and your butt kicked or killed as a result too! Not worth it. Also if she were really interested, she would have dropped the other guy before she put the moves on you. I think she would have had her fun then gone back to her boyfriend so stop kicking yourself. As for the rest of your question... have you tried a personals ad? Don't go into details about not having relationships etc. Put up a nice picture with a description of your hobbies, the type of woman you like and that you want a relationship. The picture is a must to avoid guaranteed rejection. Good luck!

Answer 5

Listen, when a relationship begins in infedelity, then it will likely end the same way. Your counsellor was good to tell you those things because what good could come from getting involved with someone who is taken. I applaud you for respecting the other guy and not getting involved with his girlfriend. If she was willing to cheat on him, it would have only been a matter of time before she cheated on you. There is a girl out there for you and you sound like a stand up guy who believes in doing the right thing. Believe me, if I can get a girlfriend who loves me, then anyone can. For some guys it takes longer because their standards are higher. Keep those standards high and you will find the right girl and this one will last.

Answer 6

You definitely haven't lost your chance at love. You sound like you need to have more confidence in yourself. I wouldn't be to hard on your counsellor who told you not to persue women who were already attached. That is sound advice. At 27 you are only beginning and you will meet the love of your life when you least expect it.

Answer 7

Don't lose hope! I promise you that there is someone out there for you besides this two-timing girl! She was obviously not worth it, she probably only wanted some action and it wouldn't have lasted that long. You saved your heart from getting broken and now its just biding its time, saving up everything it has for the right person, who while come along in all due time! Be patient! You'll find the right person soon, and believe me, you'll be glad you waited!
Good Luck!

Answer 8

hey sweetie, I really hate to tell you this, but if this GIRL was dating someone else; she was PLAYIN YA! Some females like that game. I'm thinking that she knew you were shy, and tried to totally mess with your mind. When she figured out that you weren't going there, she gave up! Quit blaming yourself! It take two to tango. there are plenty of females out there who would love to meet a nice guy like you. Stop trying so hard. Do what interest you. One day "she" will fall in your lap. Enjoy life while your young. Keep smiling!! And JUST BREATH!!!!

Answer 9

Come on what you need is a nice lady. you sound really sweet and there are so many looking for that honest person. i mean you were right not to try and pursue her. she was off limits and you wouldn't wan ttha tshe ws trying to be mean to her boy firend. there are so many out there and i suspect you are cool. just wait till they come to you there are so many out there. just keep waiting and watching the right person will come along and presto you willfind her. If you were in michigan and 30 some i could send you to friend of mine her daughter unmarried and looking but isuspect you are young?

Answer 10

Girls who ere attached are referred to as Mrs. You cope by making every effort (every hour of every day) to be a better (patient, understanding, trustworthy, honest,etc..) person. You may also want to take a trip to another country, where the girls don't suffer from a sense of entitlement.