First time parents! How do you deal with family members' strong opinions always telling you what to do?

Question

Several members of my family, particularly those who've already had children, are so opinionated on every little thing i do with my son. How do you stop it? You can't argue with these people, they think everything they do is right! Some of them are awful parents, but they still think they should tell me what to do! Help please, I'm getting very depressed over it now!

Answer 1

Oh my God, are your family actually my family? Lol! I'm going through a VERY similar situation (aren't we lucky?), and the only thing I can tell you to do is get tough! You don't have to ever be rude, but start letting them know that you aren't even considering their advice, and find some way of inderectly dismissing it. For example, "you know, you really should smack little Johnny when he does that", you answer, "oh, really?", look away, and deal with little Johnny the way you usually do.
Sounds harsh, I know, but when people are doing this they're not giving you advice, they're telling you to do it their way! It's my policy to only give advice if someone asks me for it, and it's now my policy to only listen if I've asked for it.
Ultimately, you can be polite and step on eggshells so as not to offend them, but it sounds like it's time to show them that they're entitled to their opinions on anything and everything under the sun, but you're just as entitled not to listen!
Good luck, I feel for you :=(

Answer 2

Everyone thinks they are an expert on child rearing even those that go to school for umpteen years and have no children and write books on it and claim to be professionals at child raising.

No one is an expert, it takes time and learning from your childs reactions to things and how the two of you bond together in certain situations.

If you do your best that you know of, then you are doing ok.

Try asking yourself questions on things or by observing those around you on their parenting skills. If you see a parent scolding a child in a way you may deem inappropriate then ask yourself would you do that or how you would hand the situation.

Probably the best way to know is self taught. Know one really knows til they get older and see the finished work in progress.

I.E. grandparents to child to grandchild. Every responsible parent wonders if they are doing a good job or have done a good job. Only time will tell.

Take what those family members tell you with a grain of salt and observe how they raise or raised their child. All of us are a product of our surroundings.

time is life...

Answer 3

My family was the same way and sometimes they still try do do it. You will have to tell them to back off. Just think of the nicest way to tell them that you are being overwhelmed with advice and you need a break. You have things under control and if you need any advice in the future, you will be sure to ask them for it. If that doesn't work, you will have to become more aggressive on telling them to back off. It may take a couple of times, but they will get the hint. If all else fails and they continue being overly persistant, just tell them that you know how to take care of your child and you don't need their help. Try 1st to do it in a way that won't hurt their feelings though. Family is family, no matter how flawed.

I know how hard it is to do this and good luck to you.

Answer 4

Remember that you are the parent, and that ultimately you need to make the decisions regarding your child. Be polite thank them for their suggestions, even tell them how much you appreciate their help. In the end though do what you feel is right and if they continue to give you grief the only thing you can do is gently tell them that you are doing what you believe is right for your family.

Parenting means a lot of challenges and you will meet them all fine if you can just remember to trust your instincts.

Answer 5

I can completely understand!! and yes i got depressed over it aswell. At the end i knew why i was getting depressed and had to say to people "Thank you for your advice, greatly appreciate it, but i think i will take it from here as it works better for me this way" "i can do this myself and i will learn from my mistakes" A couple of times i had to say bluntly "back off i am the mum here" I think people dont realise how much they try to pressure others into doing what they did... They really should back off. And may i ask what does your hubby do? does he help in backing you up? Maybe you 2 can come to a understanding if someone says maybe both of you can say to nicely back off, you 2 are the parents or if you are single you are going to have to say it. If you dont it will get you more down and down, not good for the baby with you under stress. I was pressured into Breat is Best for my twins and the best descion i made was to bottle feed after trying for months. They were not getting enough milk, just piggys really.

Good luck!! and remember you are the parent ! we all learn from our mistakes. Keep chin up. Nedd to talk email me.

Answer 6

Remind them that you are the parent, and they are responsible for their children not yours.
You don't need to argue, you simply tell them that if they want to see your child then they need to keep their opinions to themselves or you will not bring your child around. Other people correcting you will just cause problems later on when your child is older and he sees that others think you are doing things wrong.

Answer 7

I get that a lot from the older generation, and I am the type that hates to be told what to do and I have had to learn to just humor them and just smile and nod. If I feel I really have to say something, I just politely say "I appreciate your advice but I prefer to do it this way."...that usually shuts them up. Otherwise just ignore them, your instincts for your children are better than anyone else's.

Answer 8

i fear this with my 1st, my boyfriends mom is very loving person but she has very strong opinions about the ways a child should be handled. for example, my boyfriends sister has a 9 month old. and my boyfriends mom is always feeding him foods he shouldnt be having shes been doin it since he was a month old..shes always saying what he should wear,and how you should sit him up in a chair.. its so nerve recking. but ive thought about this and figured the best way to avoid it. is to tell them that they can dress,and prop up,and feed(with some restrictions) your child how they want.when they have them over for a visit.but when you have them,you would like to do it your way. see how that works..if it dosent work then just let it go..trust me,they are family,even if you do tell them off. they are still going to be there for you and the baby.

Answer 9

Hahaha.... You can not escape from them. Never mind to take it or not is always your choice and even this question by you says that you need more opinions.... Just kidding. But you can not escape from relatives / neighbors / friends..... We also passed similar situation and the only way is to tollerate.... Be cool.

You can not totally avoid them too, because you may not know when you really need them or their advices, because we are not always masters with new borns.

Answer 10

Oh honey, I feel for you. My inlaws were horrible when we had our first son. You have to try to block it out as much as possible. When they tell you something, I would say something like "oh, thats an idea," or just politely say thanks for the advice, and then completely ignore it if you think its bad advice. Really, that helps a lot. Be polite to them, but that doesnt mean you have to do what they tell you.