How might I trick God into thinking that I'm a Christian, so that he'll let me into heaven?

Question

((Laptop!!)) Kick his hiney, hon - he deserves it!

Answer 1

Wear a cross on a chain around your neck.

Answer 2

Start by getting a rosary and saying 6500 Hail Marys, or a BUY some little 'fish' for your cars, invest and indulge in lots of make-up and hairspray, fancy clothes, jewelry and expensive cars, become a church 'member' in the church of your own choice, sing praises in His name while holding out your arms, smile a lot and flatter the powerful people in your church, say AMEN! loud enough that everyone hears after every 4th sentence your pastor speaks, pretend to LOVE whatever food the church offers at gatherings, condescend to anyone who questions your pastors beliefs and doctrine, tell everyone how many tithes and offerings you contribute, browbeat and degrade the newcomers to your church, shamelessly beat, degrade, shame, and humiliate your children in the name of the LORD, and force the bible upon them and everyone else, take swelling pride in yourself for being the 'hero' that you are, and be sure to thank 'sweet' Jesus for the opportunity to do all this for Him! And that's just for starters...

Answer 3

1 You can't TRICK God!
2 Only religions believe that if people follow their concept of the bible you will go to heaven.

Be the best person you can and a loving, forgiving God will take care of you through eternity.

I know there are a ton of people out there that don't believe the way that I do (because they are religious and I am not), but I have a right to listen to God directly and I know that my eternity will be good no matter what other people believe.

Answer 4

Not sure!

BTW, so far, the Italian boy isn't a horndog. He's so disgustingly well travelled I feel like a slug. He's been to Taiwan, Thailand, China, all of Europe, India, 3 countries in Africa, Canada and here.

When 18 year olds kick my *** culturally, can I kick theirs, literally? Please?

Answer 5

Not much trickery involved, as I understand it. You just have to say the right magic spells, or have them said over you, and you'll get in no problem. It's all very Egyptian, now that I think about it.

Answer 6

God likes a good laugh joker. Play the fool thats your best shot. Oh you are already doing it. Just keep it up.

Answer 7

That's easy. Just repent of your sins and sincerely ask Jesus to forgive you and save you. Make Him your Lord and Savior, obey His teachings, and trust in Him to deliver you from the consequences of your sinful life, and you're in--no strings attached.

Now, as to pulling a fast one on the Almighty, that's gonna be a little tougher. . .

Answer 8

A penguin in a wig should be able to get by. Oh, and don't forget your Geico insurance card. Just in case.

That's a pretty little kitty up there. Hi, kitty, kitty.

Answer 9

Just say you are. Most christians I've met seem to think that will work. I see very few that in any way act christian.

Answer 10

Jesus already talked about you.
Don't think you are going to pull it off.

Matthew 7
I Never Knew You

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!

Answer 11

Use a fake ID and give the door guy a tip