Any serious advice on how to deal with in-laws that make your blood boil?

Question

My father-in-law is very difficult to get along with! I can't stand to be around the man any longer! My husband and I have been married for 11 years now and we have a terrific relationship. His dad is controlling, overbearing, stubborn, a know-it-all, is all the time making smarta_ _ comments and derogatory remarks, and sticks his nose in where it does not belong, and has the tendency to become violent. He is childish and VERY immature for a man of 56! I have had my fill of this man, and no longer ever want to be around him, but I don't want to have my husband resent or hate me for it! I can't and won't say in any detail what this man has done, there are just too many incidences to say. I don't have enought space to write it all out. The anger I feel about this man is consuming me to the point that that is all that's on my mind! I can't talk to the man, all he wants to do is argue! Any advice on how to handle this situation? How do I keep distance w/o upsetting my hubby?

I have talked to my husband, he knows exactly how I feel, he understands, however, he wants me to overlook him and be the bigger person. We are both christian people and his father isn't. He has no respect for people, even his own son. My husband went over to talk to his dad about this last situation, some things were said that was totaly out of line (on father's part) and hubby reiterated back, and father told him "to get the hell off his property!" That's the kind of man he is. So my hubby completely understands how I feel, however there has also been something was said during their visit that my hubby did not tell me about, knew I would be very upset, and I found out about it from grandparents. YES! I was very upset, but I'm not supposed to let my hubby know that I know. Very difficult situation! I am trying to be the christian that I am and forgive, but I don't want to be around the father. I don't fear him, I just can't stand him! Thank you so much for all the advice! God bless!

Answer 1

How does your hubby feel about the way his father is treating you? I bet he is disappointed in his dad too.

I know its really hard dealing with annoyng inlaws, but don't let them come between you and your hubby.

If you argue about these things with your man then his father has won.

When we have got the visiting over and done with each weekend I turn to my hubby, in the car on the way home, and tell him how much I love him and how I can't wait to spend the whole week with him.

It's better than arguing about the inlaws and silently we both know that our parents can be a real pain in the butt, but at least we don't have to live with them 24/7.

You are not alone.

Answer 2

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RE:
Any serious advice on how to deal with in-laws that make your blood boil?
My father-in-law is very difficult to get along with! I can't stand to be around the man any longer! My husband and I have been married for 11 years now and we have a terrific relationship. His dad is controlling, overbearing, stubborn, a know-it-all, is all the time making smarta_ _ comments...

Answer 3

Limit your time with him as much as possible. I take it your husband already knows how you feel and understands, right? If he doesn't, it's time you sat down and had a talk with him about this problem.

Then, just figure out the amount of time that's reasonable to be around your in-laws and just try to bear it. Your husband really does need to step in when your father-in-law is crossing the line however. But if the man is violent and has ever been violent around you or your family, your husband needs to let your father-in-law know that if it happens again, he will not be around you or your family.

It's hard, but I think you're a good wife for taking into consideration your husband's feelings.

Answer 4

The thing is this is between you and your husband and if your husband doesnt agree or feel the way you do, its going to be difficult. You dont live with the father in law right? I hope not. So can you calmly have a discussion with your husband in which you make arrangements to drastically change the situation.? Tell your husband that you have tried your best but this isnt working and so if he has to visit his father, you understand but you do not want him coming to your home. You write that you have a terrific relationship with him so hopefully you can work out some way together to have a united front against this man What worries me is the violence. That is more dangerous and cause for drastic measures including moving, changing your locks and not answering your phone ( or changing your number) You must effect a huge change. Best wishes

Answer 5

Pick the right time to have a heart to heart with your hubby. Explain how his father has you feeling and tell him it would be best for everyone if he see him without you present. Suggest they make it a guys outing and if you get along with your mother in law, you could give her a break by doing a gals day out to keep the communications in tact. If he's as bad as you say, your husband and mother in law are painfully aware of it already, so you're not telling them anything new. They may very well appreciate a way to de-fuse the situation.

Answer 6

The first question is, how does your husband feel about the way you are being treated? The answer to that will make a difference to the way you can handle it.
My husband came in to bat for me when his family treated me poorly. It never became a "choice" of them or me - he just told them to back off when necessary. (This has led to us becoming "pariahs" but my husband's point of view is that they do not deserve our time if that is the way they are). Sad, but we are less stressed & more united from it.
Your husband SHOULD be able to see what is happening. He may not want to "make waves", but should be there to support you in some way.
The first thing you need to do, however, is limit contact with your father in law. No need to put yourself in the line of fire all the time. Could you stomach being around him for just important family gatherings? Avoid all other times?
An argument takes two people (usually!). Just not engaging in conversations can sometimes take the wind out of someone's sails.
You have been very patient to take this abuse for so long. Keep yourself healthy and avoid this man wherever you can.

Answer 7

Your hubby should be more worried about your blood pressure than pleasing his parents. He has an obligation to keep you from abuse.
This father in law of yours is a bully and your husband needs to wake up and see he is a bad influence on your life and any children you have. If he is gonna be so selfish you cant even depend on him to help you then you need to take care of yourself and distance yourself from him. Too bad if hubbys feelings are hurt.

Answer 8

First, don't go over with your hubby just to visit. Let him go by himself -he's a big boy and can do that. Second, if you have to go to a function with the father-in-law present, avoid talking to him. It's really not that hard to do, just talk to the relatives that you do like and don't interact or only interact on a surface level - like the weather is nice (if he says isn't not, just agree with him and smile).l

Answer 9

Just come right out and tell your husband you are one nerve away from a mental institution and you can't deal with your father-in-law right now. I hope he'll respect that. He could go visit him without you. It doesn't mean HE has to cut himself off from his family.

Answer 10

it seems like your father in law is controlling your emotions from wherever he is now....

i'm really sorry you're having to deal with someone like this.

my best advice is to avoid him -- when you can't, ignoring him might have to do... sometimes we have to accept people at face value (even if they are stupid, ignorant pigs!).

hopefully, you won't have to spend much time around him -- i'm sure that when it comes right down to it, your husband doesn't much enjoy him either!

take care.