family question?

Question

right so without boring you with all the details i havent seen my family in close to 10 years. suddenly they are back in my life through a freak encounter. now they are acting all buddy buddy like im still part of the family. i cant do it. my baby sister isnt a baby anymore. shes getting married. my mother has like diabetes or something and looks sickly. and me. well lets just say i grew up hating them for things i felt they did to me so now im confused as how to act around them

what do i do?

Answer 1

I agree with everyone who is saying to set your boundaries. You need to go and have this talk with them. Let them know where you are in your life; Past, Present and Future. I know, your a guy and talk'n ain't your thing. But I hate to tell you...its the answer.

Now, once you have the talk and everyone knows where "EVERYONE" stands...that's right, you need to know where they stand also, then you proceed from today...not from 10 years ago.

I am not hear to give you a sermon, but the Bible does tell us in Exodus 20 that we are to HONOR our mothers and fathers. It doesn't tell us to love them, it tells us
to HONOR them for there position in your life.

I will tell you this, we all make mistakes in life, and that means you too. And in the end we all need to forgive and to be forgiven.

We cannot change the past, but we and you, have total control over our futures.
Give them a chance before its to late. Your sister is getting married...that means your on your way to being an Uncle. And if your mom is sick then you should make the best of the time she has left. You only have one mom. You will either give it your best shot to make it work or in 5, 10 or even 20 years, you will be standing in the card aisle at Wal*Mart on the day before Mothers Day saying I should have done this or I should have done that, but now its to late.

You have control over that moment in your future. Will you be sanding there saying I should have, or will you be saying I gave her my very best, I have no regrets? Only you will be able to answer that!

God Bless You,
s7lmb

p.s.: I just got this e-mail today. Maybe it was meant for you.


LIFE!

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get the kid toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Roller blades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on
the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Answer 2

You need to talk to them and tell them how you feel.

Tell them that you're not able to go right back to how things were after not seeing them all for 10 years. Ask them if you can take things slower, and get back into knowing them.

Answer 3

you don't have to be around anyone who gives you uncomfortable feelings.

i don't see my father or sisters anymore, and i like it that way.

they stress me out, make me very nervous and we had an abusive family life. i just can't "go there" with any of them, so i'm protecting myself and taking care of ME, by moving on.

i hope you find your way, and something that works for you.

take care.

Answer 4

What do you want to do?

They obviously miss you and desire you to be in their lives. Especially your mom.

It's your decision. Maybe it would help you to set good boundaries with them. But remember, if you don't spend time with your mom and she's sick, you may really regret it.