I'm dont think I believe in god anymore? How do I talk about this without disappointing people?

Question

Everyone I know is strongly Christian. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this. Everyone just wants to convince me that I've gone astray and should pray about it, and I'll just come around to believing again.

Its like people think I'm a bad person. I'm nervous about telling anybody.

I think the morals taught by Christianity are good, but I dont really believe in god or that other stuff. I think people should do their best to be good. Can you be moral and not believe in god?

Answer 1

Why don't you believe in Him anymore?
Good morals are o.k. but if we could make it by having so called good morals then why did Jesus suffer and die for our sins? Evidently He has never been real to you~ May I pray that He will be real to you?

Answer 2

You can't talk about this without disappointing people.
You are cutting across *their* hopes and expectations.

To an extent that's *their* problem. The world is not as they wish it. That doesn't give you a free hand to be as "in your face" over this as you like. They remain at the least family and neighbours and, one hopes, friends, so courtesy and politeness is called for.
I'm afraid in your community you are likely to be seen as a prime target for evangelism and lost-sheep hunting.
The upside is that you will get well exercised in what you believe and why. After a while "we've discussed this already" and variants are something you're going to need.
You will have enough opportunities to discuss the nature of the world and reality without seeking them out. Be gentle: you are treading on other people's ideals, but that doesn't mean you should give up your own.
But I'm afraid swimming against the tide anywhere, anywhen, does take more effort.

And no, as others have already clearly said, morality is not confined either to Christianity or theism in general.
Have a look at C S Lewis, "The Tao", an end-piece to his "The Abolition of Man" URL below

Answer 3

Hi. Hope that the rest of your life is going really well.

As far as how to talk about this I'm not sure. I'm not very good at the art of tact, but I'll share what did occur to me so that you can maybe use these ideas at least for yourself.

The first thing that occurred to me was what Jesus said in Matt 12:31 and 32. Some Christians believe that Jesus actaully was God, and I wondered if that was a factor in why you say you don't believe anymore.

Also, you said "... I don't really believe in god or that other stuff." When I read that I find myself thinking that maybe it's not that you don't believe anymore, but that you never really did but were just going along with it because that's "where" you were raised.

Like someone else pointed out, this is a time when you might want to spend a little time looking to yourself to find out what exactly it is that you Do believe.

All the best to you and yours

Answer 4

I am as moral as any christian and I've been an atheist since I was sixteen. Don't expect christians to understand. Remember, they are still delusional and you have found a cure for yours. You will get nowhere with them. Many of my so called Friends and even some family members have little time for me. But the best friends I've ever had are atheists. There are many websites you can go to to hear what other atheists think. But I don't even like the word atheist. I only use it when I talk to the faithful because when I tell them that I live my life in a way that would make Jesus proud they get real confused. He influenced many people, including me, to lead moral and ethical lives. But there is no evidence that his mother was a virgin or that the universe is only six thousand years old and was created in a week. Nor that he was the son of some god or another. I prefer to call myself a humanitarian as apposed to atheist. Atheist describes what I'm not, humanitarian describes what I am.

Answer 5

OK, One of the instructions given to Christians, (and, if they did but know it, a hugely important one), is 'do not judge'.
So anybody who judges you as being 'wrong' or 'bad' is not being a good Christian.
Not believing in God is not a bar to spirituality, never mind about not being a bar to morality. Buddhism has no concept of God, but Buddhists are pretty moral - and spiritual!
This whole complicated business is beautifully explored in a book called 'One Taste' by Ken Wilber, which I strongly reccomend you read. It has much to say which I think you would find helpful.
It is very possible to reach the very highest levels of spirituality while not believing in God.

I feel for you because I was once in your situation. I left the Christian church. It was a difficult process because all my friends were members, but I simply couldn't accept any longer what was being said.
I have found a deep spiritual life and many good friends - all without a belief in God.
So I wish you well. If you ever feel like a chat or if I can help in any way, please email me.

Answer 6

A lot of this comes down to the words used. Many who have responded have assumed that you have taken a decision to declare yourself an 'Atheist', which is big, strong, word with many heavy-duty connotations. Pronouncing this to your 'Christian' friends and family will be like waving a red rag to a bull.

Perhaps a gentler approach might suit you better. The term 'Agnostic' does not impute decisons one way or the other, it really means 'undecided'. The 'A' means against, and the 'gnostic' means, funnily enough, the 'knowledge'. In ancient times to be 'Gnostic', was a 'good' thing, it implied the 'sacred knowledge'. After the Council of Niceae in 327 ad, the word 'Gnostic' became a general descriptive for a whole range of 'heresies'.

If you present your current situation as 'agreeing with the principles and general teachings of 'Jesus', but not subscribing to the dogma of any official church, that will be difficult to argue with. And no-one can try to tamper with your beliefs on the basis that you have 'gone off the rails'.

Good luck, in whatever you decide, and above all, don't worry, belief is totally personal and no-one has the right to tell any other what to think.

{{{{{{{{{{Cosmic Tolerance}}}}}}}}}}

Answer 7

"Can you be moral and not believe in god?"

I am. I volunteer regularly at a local hospital, give to charities (as well as help that charity when it comes to fun-runs and other events), am married to a woman I'm deeply in love with, and I am close to my family. The only difference, really, between myself and that family is that I am an Atheist.

So I know where you're coming from. My approach was being honest about it. There's no need to make an announcement; just be forthright. If invited to a Church function, simply say: "That's not my thing--but you have fun." If it's a church-sponsored charity, and you want to go, then you can always say, "I'll go. I'll support (name of clause here)."

You WILL face conversion attempts once it becomes apparent that you are no longer a Christian. That's my golden guarantee. How you deal with them depends on your own personality. Some stock responses I've used when approached by family:

"My beliefs are set. I'm glad that yours are, too."
"I don't try converting you. Please show that respect to me."
"I like you." (Use only if this is true.) "Because I like you, I'm going to give you the opportunity to not try that again. My beliefs are set."

Sure, it all sounds close-minded. But if you reconsider, it's because it's your choice. Otherwise, you look like a blood bag in a mosquito swamp to them. Be sure to show respect toward their beliefs while turning them down--it makes it harder for them to persist, and it also shows that you are still the person they know. Atheism does NOT mean evil.

Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Aloha Jblack988,

You're not going to change your family's mind. Best to just avoid bringing up the topic or flouting it in their face.

As regards your question: Can you be moral and not believe in god? Most definitely, it's called the "Golden Rule". I recommend checking out my "Best Answer" here: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuDjMPzGc4bL9bPioWuIclLty6IX?qid=20070721163205AAjYgTA&show=7#profile-info-7c52a959140ab913906bf2528dfee4e0aa

"There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave."
— Louis Kronenberger

Morality does not depend on religion.
— John Ruskin

One of the greatest tragedies in human history was the hijacking of morality by religion.
— Sir Arthur C. Clarke

So many gods, so many creeds, so many paths that wind and wind, while just the art of being kind is all the sad world needs
— Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I'm an atheist, and that's it. I believe there's nothing we can know except that we should be kind to each other and do what we can for other people.
— Katharine Hepburn

Every religion manifests ideals such as do not steal, do not tell lies, and so on. These are the norms for any civilized society and they should not be linked to any religion or god.
— D. D. Bandiste

A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death.
— Albert Einstein

And what is good, Phaedrus,
And what is not good---
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?
— Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Still interested in learning even more about Morality? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/morality

Bottom line, you are on the right path. Look inside yourself for answers, not to others. R&S has many atheists, agnostics and skeptics like yourself so you are in good company. You are amongst like-minded friends here.

You might enjoy reading more about secular humanism: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secular_humanist

Answer 9

Of course you can be moral and not believe in god. Just because you don't believe in god doesn't mean you're going to go and have sex with everybody and do drugs.

And if your Christian friends think you've "gone astray" then maybe they're not really your friends because they can't accept you have a different outlook on life then they do.

Answer 10

See, I don't believe in god, in any way shape or form. I don't like Christianity (but I don't have a problem with ALL Christians either)
But, I think that you can not believe in god, and not pray, and do whatever you want. No one's telling you that you can't do this or that because you don't believe in god.
Also, get to know some people that aren't Christian. This should help you out a bit.

I hope that this helped.

Answer 11

I am in the same situation! My whole family is Christian, and they are convinced that I'm just "misguided".
I think the same thing about their morals; they have some good ideas there.
Here's some good news: You can be 100% atheistic and still have morals. Personal belief doesn't affect what kind of person you are.