My step daughter is always going home from weekends in our home and telling her mother things that are blown way out of proportion. This riles her mother and the results are phone calls to my husband yelling at him and her putting the two other children in a spot where they feel that they are choosing sides by liking me. Right now she is on the phone in my house talking to my husbands old girlfriend ( over an hour) and I feel really weird about it. What can i do, this girl is 16 years old, manipulative and I really can't figure out what is the next right thing to do....my husband ignors it, I can't blame him because I am confused also. Any help would be appreciated. I feel like an outsider in my own home when she is here.
2007-07-28 15:31:00 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You have to be the adult even though it hurts. She's a kid. At 16 your parents are still everything to you. She loves her mom and your the "replacement". Her actions are normal. Sad, and its so hard on everyone. I think that maybe you should try talking to her mother. Working together as 3 parents is the only way other wise she will always play you guys against each other. YOu have to show her love and support as long as it takes. No matter what. I know its hard but its the chance that someday you can all be happy together. Reacting badly to her will only make things worse.
Also, setting rules in your home is part of being an adult. She has to live by your rules. You can't control what she does when she goes to her mother's house but you can set some limits for your house.
Finally, your husband is divorced from that lady. He doesn't need to listen to her yell any more. That's the point of a divorce. Talk to him about that. If he wasn't listening and telling you 1/2 the problem would be solved. You wouldn't even know what she told her mother and you wouldn't feel so resentful. He needs to protect you a little.
2007-07-28 15:54:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is time you took charge in your own home. If your own daughter was acting this way, what would you do? Treat this step-daughter the same as you would your own daughter. Sometimes there are jealous feelings floating around, which causes children to act this way, or they are terribly hurt inside. The best way to handle this is to take charge of your home, treat the step-daughter with love if you can, and maybe you and her will become closer. Just realize that kids feel a lot of hurt emotions when their parents break up, and as they get older regret how they've treated their step parents. Just remember it is your husband's daughter. Take charge!
2007-07-28 22:42:05 · answer #2 · answered by pattimaris1675@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's learning how to be manipulative from her mother. Your husband is ignoring it because he knows what's going on and doesn't want to be a pawn. You could let her know that you know she feels like she has to chose between you and her mom, but you'll never take her mom's place.
Before the kids come over next time, sit down with your husband and make "house" rules so they aren't "stepmom's" rules. They can be as simple as "From now on, everyone clears his or her own plate and helps clean up after dinner" to "we all respect each other, both in this family and when you go to mom's, please respect us there, too."
2007-07-28 22:40:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
To put it bluntly, there is nothing you can do about it. Your husband will have to handle it. She obviously has not respect for you or your position as the wife. She doesn't see you as a mother figure and there is nothing you can do. Sixteen is a tough age and they have it all figured out. Plead your case to your husband and let him know how uncomfortable you feel with her talking to his "ex" and "the phone calls to her mom". If he can't or won't do anything about it, then you have a difficult decision to make. Either deal with it and hope she grows up or leave.
2007-07-28 22:36:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like a little *****!
I would put my foot down on your husband and tell him you are not going to put up with his little brats visits to YOUR home.
If nothing else find something to do, or go somewhere while she is there so you spend as little time with the little urchen as possible.
I know you don't want to feel like she is running you out of your home but it may be as a last resort.
2007-07-28 23:00:39 · answer #5 · answered by just me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she is obviously still carrying feelings of pain and confusion over her parents' divorce, and most likely given time (or some therapy) she will come to terms.
you are the person who is trying to take her dad away from her, so that compounds the issues.
some kids don't do well through divorce and the aftermath, and it's obvious who they are just by the way they act out.
meanwhile, her mother sounds bitter. believe me, my son came home from his father's with "inflated stories" which i just ignored.... it would be nice if her mother would do the same.
2007-07-28 22:48:06 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. Hm. I guess she just really doesn't like you huh!
Well if your husband just ignores it, tell him he shouldn't and that she bothers you and all three of you should sit down and talk about your options on her attitude and rudeness to you.
You are apart of the family now and you are an adult.
She needs to get her act together, or threaten her with some consequences like: being grounded from the phone, computer, friends, etc.
Dont take her crap.
2007-07-28 22:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by myusedromance13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to watch that movie with julia roberts and Susan surandon called "step mom" oh! it's so good. if you can watch it with her. If she really is just a 16 year old twit she's old enough to hear about how her actions are making you feel let her know that you love her dad and want to make him happy and she needs to have respect for the woman her father loves. tell her straight up believe me she needs to develop conflict management skills.
2007-07-28 22:42:01 · answer #8 · answered by tookoolfool 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wowwwwwwwww!!!! Uh I feel the same way about my step son...this whole having step children sucks huh..Well I would MAkE your husband listen to you..I did...Yup and right now its real ugly to were it's our kids or his other son ....I just cant take all this anymore...I feel your frustration...You guys really need to find a solution..and as far as his ex...**** get on the phone and tell her to keep all coments to herself...stick up for yourself..its YOUR home not hers..and his little ***** *** daughter...OH BELIEVE me she knows what the hells she doing...she on the phone talking **** about you!!! Yup and she loves it..YOU need to demand respect in YOUR home>...be strong...
2007-07-28 22:39:28 · answer #9 · answered by truthgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She should not be allowed to lie about anything or anyone. Not even you. Both of her parents should be working with her on that. You should be able to calmly say, as an adult, but with respect to her, person to person "I don't appreciate your lies about me. I know that you are getting results with them that you enjoy, but you should know that I know what is true as well as you do and I think you should be ashamed of yourself."
Your husband needs to stop allowing his daughter to lie. You need to stop allowing him to treat you with disrespect like that.
2007-07-28 23:04:41 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋