Why does my 7 year old daughter constantly cause/get into trouble?

Question

My 11yr. daughter and my 7 yr. daughter haven't gotten along scence the day my youngest was born. There father and I are still together, but we don't comunicate like we should. He and I also dont work together on punishment or anything else for that matter.
My youngest does what she wants and acts different when adults arn't around She gets into things she knows is wrong, she take's off with out lets her father or I where she is going, and yet she is a angle if you ask her to do something she does it right away and infront of her father and I she acts so inoccent. Her sister wants everything to be her way when they play toghter and will not do what her sister would like to do. She yells at her younger sister and doesnt explain anything. My oldest is a wonderful person to all other kids exsept her sister. Im at my roots end and its honestly destroying our family!

Answer 1

It looks like the problem is the dad here. Obviously, you seem to be ware of the problem. What i am getting here is that the 7 yr old play you against the dad. She knows what buttons to push and when. Its going to be a hard decision, but for the good of your three kids, you might have to discuss this seriously with your husband and give your self a time frame to try and change things and if it doesn't work then you should do what you have to do.

I also experience the same thing when my ex husband comes to visit. I have 2 daughters and favors the youngest one. My oldest one has noticed the favoritism and my youngest is always spoiled when he is here. What I do when i know he is going to visit, i warned my youngest about unacceptable behavior and how i will deal with it when he has left. I also set limit to him if he crosses it i ask him to leave. Its easy for some men to tell you how to discipline them when the spend little time with them and do not see the entire picture. I resent men for that.

Answer 2

I have a 10 1/2 yo B, 8 1/2yo G and a 6 1/2yo B.

First of all, I have a feeling that the 11yo and 7 yo get along sometimes. Talk to your older daughter and arrange play dates for her and her sister. Let the older one in on what the two of them can do together and try that out.

That younger daughter wants to be with the older one, I guarantee it.

Second, you and your husband have GOT TO unite. Those girls are playing both of you. Hire a baby sitter (yes, even with the 11 yo; call it a housesitter, but hire someone). Go out and decide how you're going to handle things. Your husband may be at his wits end too.

Counseling is not a bad idea either.

You and I; we'll get through this.

Answer 3

You're daughter senses things...like the lack of communication on you and your husbands part. You guys need to put your heads together and talk about it.

For now, don't hesitate to spare the rod. Spankings have a BIG part in behavior. They help tremendously, show your kid that you're serious and they give her a physical reminder of punishment.

Never, however, "threaten" to spank her. Just SPANK her. Never give her warning or "a look." Be unexpected. Tell her why you're spanking her and then just do it. If she complains to your husband, explain the situation.

Don't get into child abuse (physical abuse.) All you're looking to do is slap her butt a couple of times or use a belt once or twice. NOTHING HARSH. Also try taking away privileges or giving her nose and toes.

The main key is to be CONSISTENT and FIRM. If she runs off the wall when you say nose and toes time, you spank her and send her back, and you do this as nessesary. If she laughs when you spank her, spank her again, send her to her room, take away her toys until she starts behaving better and STAY FIRM.

Explain what you're doing, be honest and trust your instincts. If you feel that she's hurt or wants attention because she's the "middle child" of the family (which often happens!) make special time for her! Take her on a mother-daughter date to get your nails done, get a special toy or go to the park! (Don't do this as a conselation for disipline, though, do it as a reward for good behavior!)

Take her alone, enjoy your time, and Good Luck! It sounds like you can get things under control!

Answer 4

Welcome to my family.

This is normal. In time, it will calm down, but I'm sorry to say, when your oldest gets into her teens, things most likely won't get any better.
You need to have a talk with your husband and your oldest daughter.
Tell your husband about your consern about your lack of communication and try to figure out a way to control your 7yrold.
Explain to your 11 yr old that you realize that her sister may be annoying sometimes, and that you do see that she gets into trouble. Tell her to just ease up on her, and ignore her when she agitates her.

Trust me, i am an older sister, 13 years old, and my sister is 7, and we do the same thing. It is nice to know that you realize that she is doing things wrong, and that she does get under her skin sometimes. But i do realize that she is little and she will ( hopefully) grow out of it.

Just rough it through these few years, and as both your daughters get older, they will come to understand what they are doing isn't helping the family, and they will try to control themselves when they feel that the tension they are causing is unbearable.

GOODLUCK!

Answer 5

maybe you need to tighten the reins on the 7 year old -- give her rules and light chores and expect her to behave.

maybe take time out a couple times a week to do something constructive with her? a game or something? or take her somewhere with you if you can, just the two of you once in a while.

she could be feeling neglected. she is the middle child... maybe that's part of it.

if all else fails you might talk to a therapist or even a school teacher or school counselor for some good advice?

meanwhile, i hope you get some good help here.

Answer 6

WELL I THINK YOU BLIND THE OLDEST IS SPOILED YOU JUST DON'T SEE IT YET THE OLDEST PICKS ON THE YOUNGER SISTER BUT THE OLDEST NEVER GETS CAUGHT BUT YOU CATCH THE YOUNGER ONE I HAD A SISTER LIKE THAT I WAS THE ONE THAT ALWAYS GOT IN TROUBLE BECAUSE SHE KNEW HOW TO MANIPULATE THE FATHER TIL ONE DAY MY OLDER SISTER GOT CAUGHT THEN IT WAS TO LATE SHE WAS ALREADY SPOILED I WASN'T SHE WAS GIVEN EVERYTHING AND I HAS TO WORK FOR EVERYTHING THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE 2 OF US THE OLDER SISTER THINKS SHE CAN DO NO WRONG AND IS JEALOUS OF THE YOUNGER SISTER THAT'S THE PROBLEM DOES THE OLDER SISTER PROTECT THE FATHER FROM THE REST OF THE FAMILY IN OTHER WORDS DOES SHE THINK SHES DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL AND CAN GET AND THING SHE WANTS FROM HIM THINK BEFORE IT'S TO LATE(MY SISTER) IT ALMOST BROKE UP MY PARENTS BUT THEY FOUND OUT IT WAS HER THAT WAS CAUSING EVERYTHING OPEN YOUR EYES..........BEFORE THAT HAPPENS TO YOU BUT MY PARENTS STAYED TOGETHER BECAUSE MY MOTHER PUT HER FOOT DOWN AND PUT A STOP TO IT AND MADE MY FATHER CHOOSE WHO WAS GOING TO COME FIRST THE DAUGHTER OR HIS WIFE??????????????? EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.........ATTENTION WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM THE OLDER SISTER NOW SHE HAS GOT TO SHARE SHE WANTED TO BE THE ONLY CHILD.........SHE CRAVES ATTENDTION

Answer 7

Mom and dad need to watch nanny 911 or supernanny to get awesome tips on how to communicate with one another and to learn how to Verbaly control their kids.There is no need tospank or to physically hit your kids.Kids respond to how well the parents contol them.If mom says no then dad should say no.If a time out is needed then patience is more needed.They will defy you to the utmost when it comes to finally putting your foot down and saying that enough is enough.They need to be held responsible for their actions with one another and towards other people.
It takes alot of understanding to be able to rear a decent child.On the t.v. shows, most of the people had really out of control children and the parents came from all walks of life with all different careers.
Kids will always be at one anothers throats but those moments need to be addressed firmly and rules need to be put into place for behavior and timeouts.Rewards need to be put into play when the kids get the job done right or when they do a good deed or follow a rule such as no hitting one another.
There's so much you can do for them.It has to start with mom and dad communicating to one another and setting their own rules to follow with one another.One MUST BACK UP THE OTHER WITH THE SAME FIRMNESS and not give in to the child.Listen to the child when they talk and find out what set them off.Then explaint othe child why you are giving your answer and allow them to follow through with the action.Be there to guide them in the delivery of that action so that they can properly do it.Spend time with the girls one on one from time to time and then spend time with them together.
The 11yr. old has different ways of talking then the 7tr.old.When things get heated, seperate them and tell them to take a personal time out to cool off.Then get to each one and get their stories.Then you get them together and resovle the issue together.
Watch several of the nanny shows and pick up on some of the guide lines that they set to help you out.I used to be a nanny and I am a mom of two daughters ages 15 and 8.And they get into it everynow and then too.I am firm with them and so is my husband.They also have to follow rules and pay consequences.When they do outstanding jobs such as work together to clean the house or do things together that allows them to achieve their own personal goals, then we reward them the way kids their age should be rewarded.Good luck and best wishes.Keep your patience.I would also make it family night when you watch the shows together.That way the kids acan see what their actions look like from another parents view.Also talk to them throughout the show and get their opinions about how the kids are acting and what they would do to correct it.You'd be amazed at what they say.Their response is going to come from how they know you correct them and how relaxed you are with them.Goiod way to learn your weak points.Take care and good luck.

Answer 8

You are the parent and you need to get some control of this child. Watch some Super Nanny episodes or go get her book for some great ideas. Do it now before this child gets close to the teenage years or there may be no turning back.

Good luck!

Answer 9

First of all I think you need to work out things woth your hubby. Once you are on the same page with him, on the same team you join forces to resolve your problems, you can start to reset the rules of your family. Once you get there make sure you both stay consistent with the rules.

Answer 10

well i am in a situation like this and i'm the middle kid (15), with my older sister (17), half sister (7), my awesome mother, and my step father who spoils the little one of his. things arent always as they seem. my older sister is never in trouble because she is sneaky and is awful to me when nobody is around, and too nice to our little sis. i do yell at the little one because she is always acting spoiled and do things she is told to do, then i am always blamed when i yell at her for hitting or kicking me i get in trouble. it is aweful, but alot is because the ages we are at. just try to listen to the middle one when she does explain herself and discipline the little one with timeout and try to tell your husband that you need to talk about rules of grounding the kids and punishing them. it takes time, so good luck.

ps the dad is really not getting it i can tell in your case. also, in my case my step father doesnt understand and spoils the little one. you need to be the boss and tell him whats wrong.