I don't think I understand where people are coming from?

Question

My dad and his wife and my grandma and grandpa on my mom's side seem to think I'm doing something terribly wrong to them because I'm very shy and find it difficult to call and especially to visit, whether they live close or far away. They seem to want their children and grandchildren to show up, help them with something(?) and visit and call regularly and randomly, which would be great for me, if I didn't think they have no idea who I am, hated me since I was a child and continue to dislike me. They talk about how important love and kindness are but I feel like I'm the nicest person in the world for staying away from them and suffering in silence. Why would you hate someone for being distant? But when I send too many emails asking difficult questions about my childhood I am completely ignored. One's religious, and that's a problem, but the other isn't, I just don't understand why they don't like me?

Answer 1

It sounds as if you didn't have a very happy childhood. It is probably best to keep your distance if you feel unloved by these people. I strongly suggest that you get counselling for the depression and feellings of lack of confidence and self-esteem.

Possibly you could send a letter to each of these "family" members stating how you feel and that you have been looking for answers to your childhood questions. Tell them that you have trouble reaching out to others and that you are doing the best that you can. If they can't accept that, then you know that a relationship with them is not possible.

I hope that you can get some closure on this subject. Best of lluck to you.

Answer 2

if you are having issues with the past, and your childhood, perhaps you could explore your inner child ? i'm not kidding here.. many of us (including me) had not-so-great childhoods and could use some help getting past the past, so to speak.

i understand about families who are in denial about the past, and the fact they act as if nothing ever happened to us.

truth is it might be time to start taking care of your issues the best you can. i did, and went into therapy. it really helped, took a lot of time and effort, work and realizations... but now, i've learned to cope with my past and the abuse i endured.

sometimes it still comes up, but i can set it aside. i've come to realize my abuser was ill, and him and the others who denied the abuse were either scared or a little sick themselves.

it's a process... it's taken you years to feel this way and to question your history.. it is going to take time to recover, learn to cope and move forward.

i hope things work out well, and that you get some good answers here.

Answer 3

your family sound like a bunch of dinks, trying to force you to like them and visit them, i would feel the same way if my family bickered over me not visiting all the time. why would you want to when they already make it uncomfortable.