5yo with ADHD?

Question

My 5yr old daughter has been "un-officially" diagnosed with ADHD... which means that the Dr tells us that she definitely shows alot of the signs of having ADHD (hyperactivity, inability to concentrate on more than one tasks, etc). My husband was diagnosed (by the same Dr) with ADD (not ADHD) when he was 8yo so the Dr knows the family history.

My daughter is pretty advanced, intellectually, for her age (I think it comes with the ADHD) but can not complete even one simple task without me following her every move. If I tell her to put a shirt in her dresser she will walk upstairs with the shirt and make barely make it to the top of the steps before she is distracted by something, anything (a crack in the ceiling, a lint ball on the rug, a laundry basket... anything). If my daughter is instructed to clean her room it will take her literally all week to clean it because she gets distracted so often.

Any ideas on how to help her adjust to her disorder??

I am not sure I agree with medication but the Dr has told us that he will not medicate her until the disorder hinders her learning abilities.

I also have 2 other children so following her around with every task is not an option!

I know that she needs to learn to live with her disorder and adjust it to the rest of the world on her own becuase the world is never going to adjust to her inability to concentrate.

pwrgrlmanda: First of all.. my Dr approached me with the idea of her having ADHD.. I didn't "run to him" for the diagnosis.

Second of all... is my Dr good because he won't mediacate her because "obviously doesn't think it's that bad" or is he a quack because he pre-diagnosed her with ADHD??? Either give advice that doesn't contradict itself or move on.

Answer 1

I have 2 sons (6 & 7) with ADHD, and they are both exceptionally bright as well. My 7-year old is more like an ADD (so was my husband). My 6-year is like a text book case for all the symptoms He's all over the place, attention span two seconds long, implusive, totally unaware of things going on around him and SO easily distracted it's not funny. We had him on some medications, but we weren't happy with them so we're not medicating him anymore. It can be done. It's really hard some times, but it can be done.

Don't listen to people who say ADHD does not exist. While, yes, it has been grossly over-diagnoised, it most certainly does exist. They obviously have never dealt with it and are in no position to judge.

First, remind yourself she's not trying to make you crazy. She doesn't want to be naughty. You ARE a good parent. She IS a good child. Make time to be with alone with her everyday. Even if it's just a story. Touch her often if she likes being touched. Praise her often. You may have to look for things to praise, but if you search, you'll find more things everyday.

Evaluate her diet. Is she eating healthy, well balanced meals? Do you provide limits on sugar, caffeine, white flour and red dye? They can all effect her behavior and are an easy way to help control the crazies. Fish oil capsules and Vitamin B complex are really good supplements.

Next, make a concentrated effort to be calm at all times. Don't give her anger or frustration to feed on. Keep your voice calm and your attitude under control. (easy to say, huh) The goal is to sound like a broken record when you have to repeat yourself. We naturally get more frustrated and our voices get higher and louder. Make your's stay the same. Just like a broken record.

See if you can find a place where she can just be alone for awhile. Sometimes they get so overloaded, they can't function. My son likes to take a bath, so if I see we're heading for the slippery slope, into the bath he goes. If I can't catch it before he blows up and loses control, I have him sit on his bed until he is calm. He has NO electrical devices in there. Just quiet. He takes about half an hour to calm down. Then, he's great.

I would not try traditional time outs. They tend not to be effective on ADHD kids. It just frustrates them and makes it worse. Try finding something he likes a lot and taking it for a whole day.

One thing that's important is to explain to her how you do want her to behave. Wait for a good day and bring up a few key issues. Describe how you want her to behave. Then do a role reversal and show her how she should behave. Then practice a few times. I practice new behaviors before we go some place. Like before we go shopping, I remind them they They have to stay right beside me or we'll leave and sit in the car. Then we practice them saying, "OK, Mom." If they wonder off, we go to the car. My cart is usually there right where I left it when we return.

Routines are really helpful for ADHD kids. You can even go a step further and give her a checklist. This gives him some control of his day and she realizes what needs to get done. Include at least one chore a day. Doing chores helps children to feel they are contributing and important in the family.

Make sure she gets at the very least the minimum amount of exercise required by children this age which is an hour a day.
She'll probably do better with more. Martial arts are really helpful for ADHD kids, but anything where they are moving is great. My goal is to have them so tired they fall asleep as soon as I put them in bed. Also, make sure she gets enough sleep. A five-year old needs between 9-11 hours a day. As they get older, they need less, but most kids do not get enough sleep.

Try to touch her when you talk to her. It will help ensure a connection and she's more likely to hear what you are saying. There is no point giving her directions when she's in another world. Give him only one step to follow at a time. So, instead of saying, "Go brush your teeth, wash your hands and face and put the wash cloth in the hamper." Say, "Go brush your teeth and come back to me." Then, "Wash your hands and face, then come right back." Finally, "Please put the used wash cloth in the hamper." It takes a lot longer, but it all gets done rather than getting lost somewhere on the way.

Same thing with the room. My son would NEVER get it done and more than likely it would be worse than before. It's too overwhelming. So now, I say, "Please pick up all the red clothes on your floor. Put them in the hamper." Then, the blue, yellow, ect., until all the clothes are picked up. Then we start on books. Then toys, first maybe the Rescue Heroes, then Legos, then all the car, then the trains. Finally it's picked up and I let him vacuum as a "treat". Hey, he likes it. Break it up for her, she doesn't have that skill yet. You may have to sit in the room with her to keep her focused.

Severely limit screen time. We allow half an hour computer and 1 video or movie a day. More than that and I pay for it.

Whatever you do, be consistant. Not just for days or weeks or months, but always until the rule changes. They will test you, but if you're consistant, they'll learn to accept the rule. For the most part.

Get away sometimes to refresh yourself. You can't give your best to your kids, if you are not at your best. Connect with your spouse. Early bedtimes help allow that. Be sure to get away together once in a while too.

Love you child. Show her an extra measure of patience and a double portion of grace. Even when you want to ring her neck. Typically, the kids with the hyperactivity outgrow their ADHD, while the ADHD-without hyperactivity-type, tend to be life-long.

Oh, one thing that makes a huge difference is that we homeschool. They don't have to sit for 5-6 hours or more a day. We take breaks when we want, do lessons outside, making relay races out of math facts, etc. If homeschool is not an option for you, consider looking into some charter schools that may have a less militant feel than public schools traditionally have. Otherwise, talk to her teachers and tell them what works for you and ask them to try that approach with her.

Make sure you have fun together. My son is so much fun, people love to be around him because he's his energy is contagious and he's so friendly. Enjoy your daughter.

Answer 2

She sounds just like my step daughter. It takes me forever to do homework with her, her room is always a mess and when you tell her to clean it she just sits there and cries because everyone else is done and she is still sitting there. It is really tough and I feel your pain! It is hard to punish them because you know it isnt their fault but at the same time you cant let them get away with everything because they have a disability. What has worked with me is giving small tasks with a lot of direction. When she brings me her homework folder we start with ONE assignment and I put the rest away. When we accomplish that I let her take a break before we do what is next. If I don't do this she will be extremely frustrated and it will be a battle. Same thing with her room--I say "ok first you have to pick up all the garbage and when you are done come back to me." Then I tell her to pick up clothes and so on. Sometimes I actually have to go down there and supervise her during these tasks if she is having a really bad day. What you have to remember about ADHD kids is that they are already on stimulation overload from normal activities. You cant ask too much of them at once. Also, schedules and routines work wonders. Let her know what is expected of her and what the consquences will be if she does follow through. My step daughter just got put on a small dose of medication for focus/attention at the school's request. They tried separating her so she could concentrate, rewards, putting up shields on her desk so she wasnt distracted, etc. We didnt want her to suffer in school so we went ahead with it. She is doing good so far--slight difference in behavior and no side effects. Please don't exclude meds as a last resort.

Answer 3

Our 8 year old was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in pre-k and the only reason why we decided to put him on meds was because it was conflicting with his learning. Yes, ADHD kids are bright but get distracted easily. At home I have to keep on reminding on checking on him. We had to take the TV out of his room (huge distraction there) and the least clutter there is in his room the better. In his room there is only his bed, desk, toy chest and computer. Try not to put things on the wall so that when she does homework there isn't stimuli. Oh and her diet has a lot to do to like we don't give our son carbs after 5pm or it'll make him hyper and of course sugary cereals and zero candy. It has helped him a lot. We only give him his med when he goes to school cause at home I take care of him and I don't see the need for medication unless we are going to a crowded place or a restaurant.

Answer 4

I wasn't going to write in because I feel you got really good advice- but I always boil when I see information on ADHD.

First- it's your child...your heart breaks because no matter what you try, it only works for the short-term.

As a teacher- the person who said the child was on ADHD meds and were removed from them and the teachers never noticed??? THEY NOTICED! They cannot force you to put your child on meds and have to provide an education to each child no matter what the issue. Curious as to how the child grew up and is now on Strattera.

I really like the support you got here. Our son has ADHD and aspergers- it is frustrating. We use play therapy too and it does help. Biofeedback is another method that works, but is hard to find someone with that qualification.

You doctor is not a quack. They do not hand out meds as reported- to every tom, dick, and harry. They have to be careful and they want what is best for your child.

Hang in there mommy!

Answer 5

Play therapy- we use it with our son and his ADHD. Call your insurance company and see if there is anyone who can do this- or a child psychologist. We didn't medicate until 2nd grade when school became impossible without it.

Keep your instructions simple- which it sounds like you are doing.
Reward good choices.
Consequences immediately following a behavior, and making it right again after the consequence is over.

OUr son is on Concerta- and it has made a world of difference. He takes it before school and is fine- and it wears off at 7:00. The downside for any ADHD drug- appetite. He has not much of an appetite when he is on it. At 7:00 he is hungry and eats a good dinner and a good breakfast before he gets it. He is NOT angry when he is on it or after it wears off- quite the opposite actually. He likes the meds because he says it makes his mind stop racing. He is 10 and this bothers him a great deal. For the person above- I tend to think your child has some other issue there....I have never, ever heard of children going off like that unless they have a bi-polar condition.

Miss, your doctor is not a quack...he has seen these behaviors many, many times. Take heart and know there are many parents that have the same issues. Our son cannot learn without the meds- it is impossible for him to concentrate.

We spent 4 years changing diets, using homeopathic measures to lessen the intensity of his symptoms- to no avail. When it became a huge issue at school, we had to medicate. I can only imagine what school was like for him- it took all night for him to complete his homwork- even if it was just a worksheet! I felt so bad for him. The worst part was that my husband didn't agree to meds- and refused. Until he had a week off from work and had to help our son with his homework- at the end of that week, he was on the phone with our psychiatrist. No joke. We giggle about it now, but nobody knows how hard it is until they have to deal with it.

We combine the meds with play therapy and the 2 work well. Our son has learned what to do to calm his racing mind.

I am also a teacher and what works- charts to help them focus. I put things on the chart that they need to do- and it gets done that way. If not, they have a consequence- losing a part of recess to get it done. Many of my students are not on meds because it is kindergarten. It is a lot easier to move about in kindergarten then in the higher grades when you are forced to sit still for longer perods.

Good luck to you!

These things helped us a great deal.

Answer 6

My 8 yr old niece has ADHD and the Dr. put her on some meds for a while, and it worked for her. She's more advanced for her age too, she's a quick learner (also very good at manipulating a situation) and it helped her focus in school and at home. I forgot what the med was called, but it didn't change her personality at all like some other medicines for ADHD do, just her focus. She was still hyper though, but she focused a lot more. Oh! Adderall XR Oral.

Answer 7

Try and make her tasks fit with her age and ability. Large tasks can be overwhelming to children that young, even if they're not diagnosed with ADD or ADHD.

Rather than saying, 'clean your room' ask her to do one thing in her room, such as picking up the toys. I read in another post that one mom would put down a hoola-hoop in one part of the room and the child only had to clean up the things inside the hoola-hoop.

Give her a reason for getting her chores done. For example, if she likes to watch TV, explain that she has to be done with task X before the TV can come on. I'm sure you have already tried that, but make sure it's something she really wants to do and that you're consistent with the consequences. If there's a reason for her to stay focused, she'll learn to try harder.

Also, let her work at her own pace. Using the above example, let her take all day to her chores, if she wants to, but make sure you don't give in to the 'reward' before it's done. This takes the nagging/arguing aspect out of your hands. It's her choice when she does her chores, and even if she does them, but she does not get any TV (or whatever reward) until she is done.

Also, make sure you're limiting her white refined sugar exposure. The medical community seems to scoff at this idea, but try it for a couple of weeks and see if there's any change in your child's ability to focus and remain calm.

Best of luck!

~Kyanna

Answer 8

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD at 6 years old. She had difficulty focusing on school work and at home. Anything would distract her - from c car passing by to a tiny piece of paper on the floor. And she was very fidgety; she was constantly playing with something in her hands. Her doctor put her on Adderall XR - she went from Ds to As in one semester. I also watch what she eats; no sweets except on special occassions, no colas (these will wound her up too).
There a great article written by mother whose child has ADHD and she wrote some good suggestions on how to deal with an ADHD child. God Bless!

Here' the link to the article:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/274580/as_a_parent_how_can_i_make_things_easier.html

Answer 9

When my 18 year old daughter was 5 years old, I thought she had ADHD, or at least ADD. She didn't. Perhaps your daughter does, but maybe she's a typical 5 year old who is like a sponge soaking up everything, everywhere, and she grow out of it little by little as she gets older. My 18 year old is very intelligent and I think that has a lot to do with your daughter's interests too.

Can she watch a movie or a cartoon she really likes with minimal distraction?

I have a 4 1/2 year old son. I have worked with him to do little things upon my command. As he succeeds, the little things get a little bit bigger. This gives me hope and builds his confidence at the same time. I started with a game that goes like this:

Look at me. (He did it)
Look outside (He did it)
Stick out your tongue (He did it, and laughed)
Turn around in a circle (He did it)
Take your shoes off (He did it)
Give me a kiss (He did it)
Jump on one foot (He did it)
Take your shoes to your room (He did it)
Rub your tummy (He did it)

You get the idea. All I really wanted him to do was take his shoes to his room - it worked. Practicing took time, but it was worth it. He enjoyed it so much he would ask me if we could play the game again, and again. He got to play and he accomplished things I would have had to do myself or keep after him to do.

I'm glad your family doctor isn't ready to put her on medication.

My daughter couldn't clean her room either - it was so frustrating. If I stayed right there to keep her focused she could manage. I adopted a strategy with her. I instructed her to clean one corner of her room at a time and I used the reward system. When you're 5, a whole bedroom of toys is an awful lot. Sometimes I'd jump start the cleaning by picking up the worst or biggest part of the mess in order to get her excited.

I hope you find some parts of this useful.

Answer 10

Does she go to school? Yours is not the first child with ADHD her teacher has dealt with. She/he may have ideas to help you help your daughter focus a little better. Work with the teacher. Your daughter can benefit when she see that you and her teacher are on the same page.
Also, be sure to praise your daughter when she does something right, even if it's a little thing, like, "Wow! You got your shoes on quick! Good job!"

Answer 11

my 6yr old step son has ADHD and has to take medicine otherwise he to is distracted by anything and everything during school he has to take 3 different types of pill just to concentrate and pay attention but asking your doctor for a type of low dose wouldnt hurt that way she will at least be able to concentrate on a task and be able to get it done and that should releive you a bit