Am i destined to be alone?

Question

I am 38 years old and i have never been in love. I AM VERY UNLUCKY with men. The men i have met just wanted me for sex and i cry a lot. I feel so empty and rejected there is no hope i believe i am destined to be alone. There are times when i would like to have someone to hold hands and cuddle with at night but noone wants to be with me. I have so much pain in my heart. I know that i will never get the chance to experience being in a relationship.

I am very unlucky with men that i cant find one in my town and they dont even approach me i get rejected so i go on the internet and the men i have met have left me so disappointed and empty, all they wanted was sex not a relationship from me. I have a lot of love in my heart but no one wants to get to know me and i dont even have a friend to talk to when im feeling down. My heart is filled with pain. I was hoping for a chance to experience a relationship but i believe that i am born to be a loner, so theres no use in searching anymore i just have to accept it and be happy alone but the sadness creeps back and i sometimes cry myself to sleep, but i know that im meant to be alone and i need to accept that. Hope to hear from all of you out there.

Answer 1

I spent much of my life with the wrong men...thinking that maybe onee would make me happy. BUT...as it turned out, there was something wrong with me...that caused me to pick men that were unavailable to me. There are quite honestly, not as many good men out there as we women would like, but they do exist.

May I suggest that you first take stock of your own emotions. You see, it's important to FIRST be happy WITHOUT a man. When you learn to be happy single, you will be more attractive to men.

By all means, I like the dog idea...as they do give unconditional love. Loneliness is a terrible thing, isn't it? Do you have girlfriends? What about going to large church tht offers singles? All the best to you. Will say a prayer for your future!

Answer 2

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with being alone.

You have to love yourself before someone else can love you, trust me on this one. I'm 34 and have a failed marriage and a failed long term relationship too. So in 34 years I've managed to screw up for the better part of 15 years.

I sat down and thought about what went wrong and I realized that I was not real happy with myself and if I couldnt be happy with myself there was no way i would ever find "True love"

So I went about the process of making things ok for me, and just me. After I got things in order for me I realized that I don't mind being alone. I have my 2 sons and I enjoy their company greatly, they are the light of my life. When my sons are at their mothers I enjoy my alone time. I work in my garage and work on my house. I spend time with my friends and I get caught up on work.

When i think about factoring another woman into my life I always ask myself "Will this relationship change the way I feel about me?" If the answer is yes, then I made a new friend. When the answer is No, love might be an option.

Stand strong, do things that YOU enjoy doing and dont change the way you are to try and entice a man to be with you. Live for you and you alone, the rest will come natuarlly.

Take care and GOOD LUCK

Answer 3

Travel if you can. I find I tend to meet amazing guys overseas. Maybe you're just in the wrong place. Never be afraid to start over with a clean slate. If there's something in particular that you don't like about yourself (personality or otherwise) than work to change that. You'll start feeling better just trying, and that will shine through. I know because I've felt overweight for a while (even though I'm technically not) and I've been working out, and my family has said I've been in a better mood these days. I'm also working towards my degree in college. Is there something you've always wanted to do but haven't been able to because of circumstance? Is there something that would make your life more fulfilling now?

Go out and get it! Be your very best and never settle b/c you don't deserve to be with a loser just to feel like you're more "complete," because you won't be. I kind of know how you feel. I guess I can't totally compare, but I'm 21 and have never been in a relationship....but I'd rather be alone than settle. It takes some maturity to understand that and to be able to be happy alone before you can be happy with someone else.

In the end, society will always portray single people as lonely and pathetic, but are they maybe the ones who are too afraid to be out there on their own? Are they the ones who, deep down inside, knew they could have had better if they would not have settled down so young?

It is easy to look like you're happy. Acting is easy-some of the stupidest people on earth are and have been actors. Don't believe all the hype and don't be afraid to go out and live your life in a manner that will uniquely make you, as an individual, happy.

Good luck and God bless!! =)

Answer 4

You have to be able to risk vulnerability to gain the level of intimacy you're seeking...and from a platform of so much past pain that's difficult to do. Difficult but not impossible. If the problem in the past has been guys who just wanted sex without emotional attachment, you have to cease associating with that calibre of man, even if it means denying your sexual needs for awhile until you can see things more clearly. After all, settling for second best (or maybe third best, even) is what has brought you to this point. So, escaping a bad cycle means mustering the courage to stop where you are and travel a different (though less familiar) road. Frequent the venues that the more stable types of men choose, and soon you'll meet someone eager to cuddle with you or walk in the moonlight. It's a scary transition, but you'll get the chance when you give yourself the chance. (And if it helps you to know this, this need to reassess and readjust happens to guys, too...so you're not alone. This is a growing pain, and a sign of an evolving consciousness.)

Answer 5

Since I suspect you're tired of hearing the "Some day my Prince will come" speech, I'll give it to you straight:

There is no "right guy".
Learn that kisses are not contracts and sex has nothing to do with "love". Learn to love yourself no I'm not talking about masturbation.
Get counseling
Indulge in a hobby or volunteer
take a class even if it's underwater basket weaving
Go out with friends, reminisce and laugh your head off
Go to the library/bookstore get that book/movie you always wanted to see/read
Adopt a pet
Focus on something other than a penis.
You are a human being worthy of love and respect you will never get these things from a man

Men are the cause of disease and heartache violence and death all over the world

It is better to be alone than wish you were

Answer 6

Your attitude is your problem. What is wrong with being alone?! Whether married or not, we are each of us fully-functioning, independent human beings.

If as you say the men you meet are only interested in one thing, then don't give it to them and you won't be "crying a lot." That is how you separate the ones who are truly serious from the ones who just want a good time.

In addition, re-read your statement. You have already made up your mind. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy; you will MAKE it become that way with your mindset. And too, men can sense your desperation. Think about it. No one gives a job to someone who comes across as desperate in a job interview. Neither will someone want someone who comes across as desperate when seeking a partner. A confident, self-assured, poised woman is far more attractive - because then she is an equal, not a dependent.

As stated before, what is wrong with being alone? There are many advantages to it, least of all being that you can arrange your life and your job and your housing to suit what YOU like. Find out your interests, make your life so fulfilling and enjoyable for you that you actually ENJOY being yourself, enjoy being with you and then you will be ready for someone. At that point, you will be so confident and comfortable enjoying your life and lifestyle that you will be ready to SHARE it with someone, not out of need or desperation. Don't expect someone else to make your life happy; only you can do that. And that is an unfair burden to lay on anyone else.

Answer 7

Your not destined to be alone you. It probably your choice of men. Maybe the guys you go for might seem to be your "type"but in reality are all wrong for you. Instead of going out looking for someone to "hold hands and cuddle with" just go about your days being yourself and im sure some guy worthy of you will come along. And dont let your age get to you because so people just find love a little bit later in life. Just imagine now you'll probably be more established and when you do fall in love it can be even sweeter!

Answer 8

Oh luv, you will bump into him when you're least expecting it. Like I met my first love at a bus stop!! The first day of the Xmas sales so all I could think about was shopping, and he was driving round and called out to me. My bf I've been with for nearly 2 years I met him when I'd completely given up on men, and earlier that night had done a toast to how much I hated men! You never know, you'll go down the shop tomorrow for milk and you'll both go to grab the same bottle or something and the next thing you know..... I think guys can smell it or something when us women are looking for a bloke. I would just try to enjoy time with your friends, go out for a drink or somethin and when guys see you appearing to be happy they'll be swarming at you. If they see you upset or down then it wouldn't be such a turn on for them to come and talk to you. Easier said than done I know. But just keep your chin up luv and itll happen. Good luck xx

Answer 9

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Answer 10

You should try an online dating service. I know a lot of people think they're sketchy and there are some sketchy people on those sites, but then again there are sketchy people in real life too. You know that from experience. Try www.plentyoffish.com It's free so you won't lose anything by trying it. Put up a nice picture of yourself, explain a little about yourself...it doesn't hurt to mention your bad experience so that those type of people stay away.

You're not destined to be alone. "I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul"