I love my friend dearly, but I can't say the same for her 3-and-a-half-year-old son who is almost constantly hitting, pushing, kicking or just plain being mean to my boys, one of whom is the same age as him and the other who is 18 months. It seems strange to me because although sometimes my kids will instigate his violence, usually it's just random, like they'll be sitting on the couch together watching a movie and after 15 minutes of complete quiet, her son will turn to my son and hit him! Just out of nowhere. He also picks on my 18-month-old randomly by ramming toy vehicles into his legs, taking toys away, etc. Of course, my friend is trying to get him to stop by giving him "time outs" and telling him to "be nice", but today my 3-year-old wound up with welts on his face & a bloody lip from her son's onslaughts! I'm just tired of this behavior towards my kids, not to mention that I don't want them to pick it up! How do I tell her this without offending her?
2007-07-28 08:22:33 · 10 answers · asked by littlenicky 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Just tell her under no circumstances can you continue to have her son over at your house due to the fact that he is a bully and needs some good old fashioned disipline like a spanking . You need to put a stop to it because if your son gets hurt bad enough to go to the emergency room the drs might just call cps if they dont believe your story about the other kid. tell her she needs to spank him other wise she is going to have a budding serial killer on her hands . good luck .
2007-07-28 08:31:00 · answer #1 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I know exactly how you feel. My best friend's son was doing the same thing to my daughter and although she tried to punish him it just didn't work. In the end i got completely fed up with the way he was treating my daughter that when she came to me crying about how he had just kicked and hit her I told her to hit him back, and I did this in front of my friend.
Yes, I know that there will be a lot of people who will say that I should not be teaching my child to hit back. But the reality is that people need to learn how to defend themselves against bullies instead of letting them just walk all over you. I sat my daughter down later and explained to her that it was not ok to hit someone first, even if they were being mean and nasty, but that it was ok if someone hit or kicked her for her to do the same action back to them but harder. I have done the same for my older daughter who is at school and she knows that it is not ok to start something, but that it is ok for her to defend herself when someone is trying to hurt her.
By the way, my friend understood completely where I was coming from and had no problem with what I told my daughter to do. Oh and her son soon stopped hitting my daughter when he realised that it was going to mean that she hit him back. And they play together really nicely now. In my experience most bullies DO NOT like being stood up to.
2007-07-28 22:44:59 · answer #2 · answered by stef 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a rough situation for sure. Does her son have an older sibling or another playmate who is really rough? He may think that's how he's supposed to initate play with other boys? My son ran into this at daycare. There are two boys who play together at daycare but are REALLY rough with each other. My son saw them play one minute and fight the next. He thought that was how he should paly with other boys by their example. It took a while to explain to our son that wasn't a nice way to play.
Try talking to your friend and explain that you are worried about your boys. Be honest with her about what is going on with the boys and your concerns. Try to make it clear you want the boys to all play together, but for no one to get hurt in the process. Good luck!
2007-07-28 23:24:51 · answer #3 · answered by twogingerkisses 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me, personally...
I would step in and correct her son myself, since it's obviously not working for her. I couldn't just sit around and let someone beat up on my kid without saying something to correct the situation. If he didn't listen to me, I'd punish him as well, just like I'd punish one of my own. If he still didn't listen, I'd get eye to eye with him and explain that his behavior IS NOT TOLERATED and tell him when he leaves my house he cannot come back to play with my kid until he can learn to control himself.
If your friend gets ticked for you doing any of the above, she's not a very good friend or mother. All of my friends and family knew from the day my child was born that they are to treat her as one of their own - punishments and all, and I do the same with their kids. With us, it's whoever sees the misbehavior first handles it...ensuring that our kids respect EVERY adult, not just the parent.
Overall...it's your basic instinct to protect your kids and not let other kids bully or hurt them when they can't stop the situation themselves.
2007-07-28 15:51:01 · answer #4 · answered by The Older Woman 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, I would keep those playdates few and far between. I've been in that situation, and its hard, but you can be best friends with someone, but your kids don't have to be friends. If you want to see your friend, go out just the two of you, without the kids. Like you said, you don't want your kids to keep getting beat up, nor do you want them picking up these habits. Just be honest with her, and say you love her dearly, and make plans to get together with just her... and just say "it seems our kids aren't getting along too well lately, lets just us go out so we can enjoy ourselves". Soemthing to that effect.
Good luck!!
2007-07-28 17:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by Mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her these words " Hun i love you dearly as my best friend but your son is abusing my son and it is really starting to get up to the point where i really dont want to tell you this but...you got to start spanking him and not puttin him on time out...it's getting to violent and he will learn an start being kind towards others...Please do it because you know that he is like this! Please." Say it like that and she will probably see the way her son acts toward your son...Good luck!
2007-07-28 15:28:18 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sure she wouldn't want someone's kids beating on her son. Tell her if it doesn't stop that she'll have to leave her son with a sitter when she wants to visit you.
2007-07-28 15:43:41 · answer #7 · answered by comeundone4162 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend what her kids have been doing to yours. Tell her that you want her kids to get along with yours so you wouldn't have any problems. If you need me again then keep asking.
2007-07-28 15:27:29 · answer #8 · answered by Amber 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
its offending you, some times a parent needs to be offended. I would never let my kid act that way.
2007-07-28 16:10:55 · answer #9 · answered by SueWithTwo 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You will have to tell her, or step in and tell the boy to stop.
2007-07-28 15:27:49 · answer #10 · answered by Blue 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋