Do you find it easy to forgive?

Question

Or does it depend on how much you have been hurt? As a Christian it is a mainstay of my faith, but at times I find it incredibly difficult.

MissKitti very well said!

Woodman - oh err you saw me the last time did you! Was hoping it was all forgotten!

And Elvis...Mrsb is right - you are nice :0)

Answer 1

I'm quite forgiving about things. That's not because I'm a really forgiving person though. I just hate the way I feel when I'm harbouring anger and thoughts of revenge and tend to let go of it quite quickly. I'm with Isabel though. Trusting again is a different matter. I find it much harder though when someone I love is hurt. Especially when they are hurt badly for no reason that I can see. The anger I feel then doesn't go away so easily. And I have not managed to forgive...yet. :)

Answer 2

Good question!

I remember my pastor from uni talking about forgiveness. He said that forgiving and trusting again are 2 different things. We're commanded to forgive - that's a decision we have to make when we remember what's happened, and can be done instantly (It doesn't mean we won't still feel hurt, although it's the route to healing.)

Trusting again is different - when trust has been broken it takes time to rebuild trust; and it's a 2-way thing - I guess ideally, you forgive someone, and you give them the opportunity to change. As they prove themselves trustworthy, you can trust them more. Unfortunately, it doesn't always work like that though - if the other person doesn't make an effort to change, you may have to draw back, or stop the friendship.

Good communication helps.

I think I personally find it moderately easy to forgive - it gets easier as you practise it. However, I've not been hurt badly for a while. I probably need to work on trusting more though.

X

Answer 3

I like Isabel's answer, saying the forgiveness and trusting again are two different things.
One difficulty I have when people discuss forgiveness is understanding exactly what they mean by it. I think many of us have completely different ideas about what forgiving is.
It is important for someone who has been hurt to be able to free his or her mind from the memory and from any feeling of wanting to hurt back. When you are unable to do that, you just keep hurting yourself.
Unless it is something trivial, it is also important not to give the impression that it was okay or to let someone, like an abuser or a con artist, to hurt again.
Sometimes people are urged to "forgive" when it is not appropriate. For example, does a friend or relative of the person who did harm not want you to file a law suit (which may be the only way for you to recover your losses)? Forgiveness does not necessarily mean giving up on seeking justice.

Answer 4

Honey, I'm not Christian but I can give you this bit of advice...

Forgive and move on. Wallowing in self misery and anger will only hurt YOU in the long run. The other person won't even notice.

To move on, you have to forgive. Just consider it a lesson learned so you know what to look for next time. That way the idiocy isn't repeated.

Answer 5

Of course I forgive. I first debate and ask questions, then try to understand. Afterwards, whether or not I come to understand, I move on, forgive and put whatever incident behind me.

I don't believe in vengeance at all. For me a vengeful act is not teaching the recipient the truth of the harm they cause. Instead it is bringing further harm to the situation.

I'm not Christian, but it seems we share this opinion. This is what I like to see. Unity, at least this far, is good.

Answer 6

Depends. I've heard some people say "I'm sorry" meaning they are sorry they hurt me. Once might be forgivable but if it's the tenth time that the same thing has occurred then sorry won't cut it. Now we need a change in behavior. An abusive husband comes to mind. Then there is the person who says they are sorry but they actually mean they are sorry they got busted. I guess I'm just not very forgiving huh? To me the key is to conduct yourself in a fashion that you rarely must apologize to anyone.

Answer 7

It depends on what the issue is and also who has let me down. I often find the closer the person is to myself, the more difficult it is to forgive them. However, i now realise, people make mistakes and therefore am learning to forgive more easily then a few years back...now i have to work on the 'forgetting' part!!! (others mistakes, that is)

Answer 8

It is always best to forgive and forget as they say but there will always be times when you cant and iv had a few and hold grudges to this day. Suppose it depends on the actual situation, you are only human after all

Answer 9

No I don't find it easy to forgive. It is incredibly hard to forgive, especially if the act that you are trying to forgive was especially painful.

And you are correct as a Christian, we are called to forgive and love as Christ did. So how do we forgive those who have hurt us the most....

In my case every day I said lord please give me the grace to forgive ___________ for __________. And eventually I realized the pain and hurt I was carrying around in my heart just wasn't there. Don't get me wrong, it didn't happen overnight. Forgiveness isn't a feeling. It is an act. People tell me all the time, I just don't feel like forgiving John for breaking my heart. Well, you are not called to feel like forgiving him. You are called to forgive him.

God understands that it is hard for us to do that. But his graces are unending. If we carry around pain and hurt it will eat away at our soul.

It was described to me like this... Our heart and soul is like a cup. You can either fill it up with love and joy, or pain and hate... what do you want to fill yours with?

Answer 10

Some people I can forgive almost anything, it tends to be the people I like.
If I don't like them, then it is harder. It feeds into the I'm ok you're bad split.
It's the split that needs to be tackled first. So I try to remember that the person I'm not forgiving is not fundamentaly different to me. It is so easy to reduce people to simple categories, but really everybody is everything in some measure.