My friends three-year-old keeps swearing - i don't know what to do!?

Question

I have three children aged 6, 3 and 7-months and my best friend has two children aged 5 and 3, her three-year-old wont stop swearing, he says f**k off, f**king hell, sh*t and he even said f**k off you b*tch to his mum today - i was completely shocked and totally mortifyed as my children were there, my kids have never swore (i even tell them off for saying shut up) and i just don't know what to do about them mixing with my friends son, i know my six-year-old wont pick it up as she knows it's wrong but it's my three-year-old i'm worried about.

His mum is my best friend and it would be a shame to loose a friend over this and our older daughter's really get on well but it's her son i don't want mixing with my son and however shocked she see's i am, she just laughs it off.

When her son said f**k off today she went "oh my god" and laughed, i don't know what to do really, my son hasn't copied yet but i know he will start saying it if he see's him again and i don't want an argument....

...over this but i really don't want my children swearing like this!

I understand sometimes children say "naughty words" but i've never known a parent to not care and actually laugh at it, i never thought she was like this, she does swear occasionally and i'm guessing thats where he gets it from but she's not that type of mum who swears at her kids or swears all the time so its suprising this has happened

what do you think i should do??? or what would you do??

Thank you in advance for your help x

Answer 1

I had a similiar situation with a co-worker. Even though I didn't have children, I found her child's behavior downright disturbing. She laughed and found his tantrums, language, etc. to be 'funny' and 'cute'. Frankly, I thought that she treated her son like a performing animal instead of a person.

Anyone who allows their children to engage in behavior like this is not parenting and is not doing their children any favors. In a few years, when her son is censored by others (like he may be headed towards right now) and has trouble making and keeping friends, he will not thank her for her lack of teaching him proper social graces, attitudes and behaviors.

I would take charge and politely tell your friend that you don't want your children to learn profanity and that you are worried that they will pick it up from her son. If she objects or make comments, I would simply then only see her without your children around.

If that's not going to happen, I am sorry to say that I think that you will have to lose a friend.

Answer 2

Well even i agree that children should'nt swear, i have three children of my own, 2 daughter aged 3 and 5 and a 4 month baby boy. My eldest started using bad language and i stopped her by punishing her for it, like no tv or no playing with friends, sometimes she would sulk but eventually she realised her mistake and stopped swearing altogether.
As hard as it is just try to keep your child(ren) away from people or other children who use swear words as such.
If your friend has a problem with your reaction then i guess you should try to talk to her first and then she may understand you and your concerns a bit better!!

Answer 3

If that was my friend's kid that was talking like that I would correct him. If she isn't going to, I will especially if my kids are exposed to it! Don't be overboard because she may get defensive but in a kindly but firm manner say "We don't talk like that--those are bad words". It is important that you do correct him in front of your children so they understand that the words aren't acceptable for ANYONE. If it continues, I would have a chat with my friend and tell her you dont allow your children to talk that way and you don't want them to start! If she still doesn't punish her son for that language, unfortunately your friendship will be on the line. I really think it is important to try to help a friend first though before you completely disown her. Maybe she just doesn't realize what she is doing to her kids and needs a reality check.

Answer 4

My mothers and fathers might beat the crap out of me if I swore in front of them. i'm sixteen. you ought to strengthen up and be a greater ideal discern. No, you're actually not. you're letting a 7 and a 10 300 and sixty 5 days previous swear, s/he desires her mouth washed out. i does not dare seek advice from my mothers and fathers like that. I quite have some thing referred to as admire for them. And your 6 300 and sixty 5 days previous too! good god, the place do you reside? On a trailer park? And no, babies start up swearing elderly approximately 13/14.

Answer 5

In your home if i was you i would immediately respond by telling the child those words arent ok words to use, i dont want them used here in my home.
If they swear again then i would give them a warning what my next action would be - ie if you do that again you will have to leave and come back another day when you arent going to use those words.
And if it does happen again ask their mum to leave but they can come back tomorrow.
(maybe speak to her about it before you do set this in motion, then you and her are less likely to fall out over it!)
I have 3 children, only my youngest swears shes only 2 and the only girl, some of it i ignore and some of it i tell her its not ok words to use. Its very difficult because she must have picked it up from me and the other adults around her.(I wonder who speaks to your friend like that? hes heard that from an adult)

Your friends laughter might have been embarrassment and not knowing how to deal with it. It is easier for you to deal with it for her in your home because you can set the rules and they will probably be more effective on him, than her saying something to him.

I find it useful to chat with my boys about it when things happen I dont approve of, such as telling them their friends behaviour wasnt ok today and im glad they didnt behave like that, i hope they wont behave like that in other peoples houses. I try not to slag their friend off just refer to the words or behaviour.

I feel that although we do have our ups and downs im doing ok with my kids and their behaviour is ok so i must be getting most of it right!

Answer 6

Wow, I'm really sorry, what a terribly irresponsible parent. What you might try doing is correcting the child (gently) when he does it - not for his sake, but for YOUR three year old's sake. If your child sees you correcting someone else for doing it, atleast he'll get the idea that you don't approve of this.

If the other mom gets upset about you correcting her child, you can say something like, "Well, I don't want [Dylan] to pick up on that and think it's okay." While I would be tempted to say something snide like, "Just doing your job..." I wouldn't recommend it. ;)

Good luck. And remember, at this age, if you are a stay at home mom, you are still the biggest influence in your child's life.

Answer 7

There is not a whole lot you can do. He is not your kid and your friend doesn't seem to care that he is using such profanities. I would probably just tell your friend that you don't want your kids to pick on it so you won't be having any more play dates together. It might make her realize that what she thinks is cute, is actually a problem. Explain to your friend that you are more than happy to go out without the kids, or invite the kids over that don't swear.

Answer 8

Laughing it off isn't a good response on her part. Some people recommend ignoring filthy language but that only works if you first tell the child those are unacceptable words (so the child doesn't mistake the reaction for acceptance).

Do talk to your friend about your concerns. And when her child curses in your presence give him a very disappointed look and tel him those are ugly words and they hurt people. When he looses adult approval he should stop. It may take time though.

Answer 9

Sadly your kids will hear this language all through their lives. You cannot stop it. All you can do is install in your kids heads that its bad to say the words, if her boy swears, ignore it and if your son starts to pick it up just continue to say how they are not words that should be used. It would be a shame to destroy a friendship over something your son may well pick up and hear in a few years anyway.

Answer 10

i would say dont let your children go over there.explain to your best friend that you can't have your children around such negativity and won't go back over there with them until it stops.she may take it hard but maybe thats what she needs to realize she has a bit of a problem with her son.if the two girls get along perfect and her daughter doesn't swear then ask if it's okay if she came over your house instead of you bringing your kids over there.if your friend says no because you hurt her by what you said about her son then she can feel guilty knowing that she made her daughter lose one of her friends.