How would you deal with your child hitting or tring to hit you? What if they were bigger than you. How would you get the point across that you are incharge in that situation?
2007-07-28 04:29:58 · 12 answers · asked by blue_eyed_brat78 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sorry I should have added that I as a person who choses to spank was wondering how you as a non spanker would handle it? this is not an issue in my house as I said I was just wondering.
2007-07-28 04:43:56 · update #1
If my child hit me, I would say "Hey, no hitting. I can tell you're frustrated and angry, but hitting is not an effective way to communicate or solve your problem". Then, we'd move on to apology and amends - then work on solving the original problem that lead to the mistake of hitting.
Of course the words and tone of voice used would be adjusted depending on what I know of each child's level of understanding and level of attachment to me -depending on how well that particular child reasons.
To people who choose spanking, this isn't going to sound very effective, but I can tell you that, at 5 & 7 (and 15), my children don't hit to communicate anymore. Haven't since they were very very little. I can't remember the last time that they did it. So, apparently, it worked. They know that when they are feeling like hitting it's because they can't figure out a good way to say what they're feeling and they, instead, either remove themselves from the situation or try to find the right words to express themselves.
2007-07-28 05:30:26 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The main thing you teach your children by spanking them is that violence is OK. You may establish yourself as the Alpha dog in your household, but at some point your child will take their unhealthy problem solving skill to the outside world, and that's not good. This may not be obvious, but you're not raising your children so that they'll be well behaved to you, but to others.
Believe it or not, though, I'm not very religious on this point. If you spank your children once or twice, I think they'll survive without any lasting scars. But if you find yourself spanking them more than that, guess what? It isn't working.
So what do you do if they try to hit you? First, you block the hit. Then you get very stern and tell them that hitting is unacceptable, in the most serious tone, and make them take a timeout. At some point later in the time out, reinforce your point about hitting and tell them how much you love them, and deliver the message with some gentle touching and hugging.
One last point about time outs. If your child refuses to stay put, reverse the lock on their door and lock it from the outside.
2007-07-28 04:57:58 · answer #2 · answered by keith_housand 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My daughter is 18 months old, and our house is anti-violence and anti-abuse. However, she did learn hitting from her cousin. The first time she hit me, I told her that it wasn't nice to hit people and that if she did it again, then she would go to the naughty step. The second time she did it, I crouched down to her level and told her that she was going into timeout for 2 minutes because she hit mommy. And then I put her in time out for 2 minutes. She did test me a 3 time, but when she had her hand raised to do it, I reminded her that she would go to time out, and she wisely chose not to. It has been about 2 months since she started and stopped hitting people. She knows that it is wrong. And, on top of that, she tells her cousin that hitting isn't nice. :-)
2007-07-28 05:38:27 · answer #3 · answered by Amber S 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Carolyn Webster-Stratton has a book called Incredible Years that I recommend to all parents. My 4 year old use to hit me all the time but he stopped after i started using the methods in the book. For kids that are bigger and stronger than you they deffinitly need to go to councling to find the reason why they are hitting and to help them and help you learn to manage the anger. There is always a reason why they are angry or hit. Most of the time it is out of frustration but also kids that are hit (doesn't have to be by a parent) become hitters themselves.
2007-07-28 04:43:03 · answer #4 · answered by momof3boys 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have a child who is trying to hit you and he is old enough to already be bigger than you are, I really urge you to look for a therapist to help you and him with his anger and to work on your relationship with him. The way to get the point across that you are in charge in the situation is to not give him what it is that he wants to get. Do not reward him becasue he is hitting. Do not give him anything at all if he hits. However, if he is big enough to hit you and hurt you then, that sounds abusive to me and you need to seek help.
2007-07-28 04:39:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would first sit them in time out. I would try and figure out where they are learning this behavior so as to remove this influence. Then I would sit down and talk with my son about what he is doing, about how it hurts and how it is wrong. Then I would have him repeat back to me what he did wrong and why it is wrong.
I really do not see how hitting a child for hitting solves anything. Telling them to not hit by hitting does not make any sense to me.
2007-07-28 05:48:53 · answer #6 · answered by iamhis0 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's never come up in my house, so I don't really know how to answer. I will say that I can't imagine how hitting them back would teach them anything: "You can't hit me! or else I'll hit you! because hitting is bad!... wait.." LOL
I know it's not really funny, but sometimes people have such faulty logic.
2007-07-28 07:17:23 · answer #7 · answered by Magaroni 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my kid wants to hit ! I'll hit him instead, to show him that hitting is bad"
Does this make sense?
We use timeouts, and suspension of privlages and toy loss for pun ishments. My son is 5, and rarely gets in trouble, probably because we have used a consistant method of punishment for his whole life.
Kids don't learn anything from violence, except to fear their parents, which is why so many teens feel they can't take problems to their parents for fear they will "kill them"
2007-07-28 04:36:58 · answer #8 · answered by parental unit 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If he or she is bigger than you, I assume you are talking about a teen. I'd try taking away privileges first. If the hitting continued, I'd involve the police.
2007-07-28 04:36:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
where did they learn such behavior? very tough question, i have 5 children , i have never hit or spanked, my eldest is 17, this problem never came up, very tough, don't know how to handle , try time out and a long talk, good luck
2007-07-28 04:35:03 · answer #10 · answered by melissa s 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋