Appropriate discipline for older teenagers (ages 18-20) living at home?

Question

Are there any appropriate ways to discipline an older teenager, particularly ones who are college students who are home for the summer?

Obviously, they are way too old for stuff like "No TV" or "No video games." And I'm sure that most people would argue that even "grounding" them for a week or two is no longer appropriate at that age.

It just seems like there are two opposite extremes for dealing with discipline problems for kids that age - a lecture (but no real punishment) for smaller problems, or throwing them out of the house (which seems absurd to do to a 19 year old unless it is a very serious problem.)

Is there any sort of appropriate, in-between "substantive" discipline to deal with problems that actually require something more than just a lecture? If they choose to live at home at that age, they still have to abide by some basic rules, and there should be some consequences for breaking the rules.

Answer 1

Parents tend to overlook one of the biggest things they have to use with older children..money. Once you have children beyond the age of grounding, taking TV or computer privelages away and the like, the place that will hit them hardest is the pocket book.

Sit down with your kids and clearly lay out the rules and responsibilities. They should be appropriate and simple. Make it clear that breaking these rules will lead to fines being levied..attach a value to each issue. If the child works, they will expected to pay the money into the house fund. If you are giving them money, inform them that you will deduct it from thier allowance. This is no different than fines for misdemenors in the community and will make an immediate impact. Also, if you are paying bills for cellphones, cars and insurance costs you can inform them that repeated infractions in areas concerning these items will result in your cancelling the calling plan, taking the car or taking them off your insurance. At this age, your helping them is not a "given". As adults, they are old enough to appreciate the things you do to help and to know that if they are unwilling to show you the respect in return than they can handle these issues on their own. If they claim they are old enough to "do what they want..they are legally adults" then they are old enough to face the financual responsibilities as well.

Answer 2

Age Appropriate Discipline

Answer 3

Any one that is in your house wether it be your child or a friend should respect your rules. I would put some guidelines up they have to follow. Such as an appropriate time they had to be home. If they were not home by that time I would let them know they would have to stay some where else that night and lock the doors at a certain time. No music or TV loud enough to dirupt others and if thye disobey I would take TV and radio away.
With them still being in your home I would still punish them the same way as when they were teenagers, but you can not tell them were to go, but you can tell them when to be back
For the one that said you can not punish some one over 18 you are wrong. If you live in some one's house you have to follow the rules and be punished if you don't. There are rules in life every one has to follow even adults

Answer 4

By their age the discipline is pretty much over. You now need to talk to each other as people who live together and need to be able to respect each others rights. If they want to live in your house they need to treat you with respect. If they don't get this on a basic level then perhaps you need some family counseling. How about money issues? Who supports them? Do they have jobs? Do they come to you for money? Do they understand the monetary consequences of not behaving apporopriately? Are there any? If they are financially independent, then there really is no reason for them to live at home, if you do not get along. If they are still financially dependent on you then I would use that as consequences for their behavior and their attitudes. Even at their ages, kids are not too happy to have no money.

Answer 5

Yes, there is! CHORES and VOLUNTEERING.

That way, you are not grounding them, you are not punishing them, your are taking anything away. They can do whatever they are normally doing -- AFTER they do their chores.

Leave a list on the fridge door every morning. These chores must be done before they can go off and do their fun stuff. You can be creative, too.

Clean out the hall closet
Wash the dog
Mop the garage
Cut the grass
Fold all the clothes
Paint the front door
Go through their clothes and make a bag of give aways
Clean out the cat boxes
Take the old furniture in the garage to a local donation site

Volunteer at the local dog shelter, library, shelter, church, food bank, etc. Have THEM find a place to volunteer. This will help bring them out of their "me me me" stage!

Good luck!!

Answer 6

The best choice is to set up new rules, #1. Respect for others is a must to start out with. We all want our children to be responsible and that should be #2. #3 Privacy is also something and # 4 Communicate with them to see what is going on in their lives. If so a PT summer job to help out if you need to get them to be responsible for any expenditures.

Answer 7

I have been where you are at. I had to have my then 18 yr old leave the house because he refused to show any respect for me in my own home. We still arent on the best of terms but he sure learned quick that I dont play and I mean what I say. Unfortunalty at that age- your choices are limited but I did start with the taking away of privilages such as the cable tv in his room along with his internet access. I stopped doing his laundry and cleaning up after him. When this failed, my last resort was making him leave. Good Luck.

Answer 8

The best one can do is to set clear and reasonable rules. It is helpful to get input from the teenagers on what they believe are reasonable rules of behavior. Some parents even make a contract with their tenns setting out what is expected and what is not. There are few consequences that can be enforced other than a lecture or asking them to leave. Arguing with them only makes living with them harder. The important thing to remember is that it is your house and they are guests.

Answer 9

Your house your rules. It sounds easier than it is though..... My parents made us make dinner for the family one night a week, we had to take care of our own laundry, take care of our vehicles, and we had to have a job....even if it was a minimum wage summer job (they never gave us any money so if we wanted it we had to earn it. ) We weren't allowed to sit around and be lazy all summer long. Consequences for us were.....no dinner, no vehicle, no clean clothes, and no money. ....pretty stiff fines for teenagers, or so my brothers and I thought....looking back though we had it made!

Answer 10

As Judge Judy says "If you live in my house, I own the air you breath". If the young adult refuses to abide by the rules, you tell them "This arrangement is no longer working for us. Please find other accommodations by the end of the month." Then STICK TO IT!

-MM