At 14 she messed up bad, lied, was mean to her lil sister. She apologized, but we were harsh, told her we couldn't trust her. This broke her spirit but we were firm. It's true she changed and fixed everything. This became a question of honor for her. She even made me proud. My mother in law helped her, always show trust. We allowed the girl to stay for a while with her grand mother, but she never came back. Changed her life, new school, new friends, nothing that could remind her of those days, especially her family, except for hes her sister. She did great w/ her grandma, today is a great young biologist, in a year will have a Phd. But still refuses to talk to us, says this would be extremely hurtful, she'd relive a painful past she wants to forget. We travelled 1000 miles just to talk to her and that's what she said.
2007-07-28 03:22:30 · 12 answers · asked by Marcos 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your daughter is hurting but by keeping in contact now and then with her.... you will reinforce to your daughter that YOU DO REALLY LOVE HER, and over time when she matures she will understand and learn that you did what you thought was best for her and that you care. Contact her,send her cards on her birthday,christmas and letters showing her that you are always there for her no matter what.
2007-07-28 03:41:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something happened that was pretty damaging for her. You say you 'broke her spirit'...and were 'harsh'. I don't know what that means, but it sounds like you might have been pretty unforgiving. It is also hard on a person that when they make a mistake, then they work hard to rectify it, and you continue to be hard on her and untrusting. She may have found this too much to take. Obviously, she found compassion and support from her grandmother, and a new life. I don't know what you can do, I don't know the damage that was done between you all. But, the only way I can see to try to improve this relationship is to go in very small steps with her. You may need to just write her an occasional note. You need to tell her you are sorry for what has happened in the past. Try to reach out to her in little steps so it is not overwhelming or pressure her. If she still does not want to reconnect, just let her know the door is always open and if and when she feels that she would like to see you again, you would be very happy to do so. If you are Christian, you should pray to God and ask him to help heal her and bring you back together. Sometimes God can fix the things that we cannot. I hope it works out for you.
2007-07-28 10:40:05 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a sad story, but maybe you really hurt her deep down when you said she couldn't be trusted.
Maybe she feels that when you let her stay with her grandma, for her own good - she might thing you were trying to get rid of her for an easier life, as you say she messed up and lied about things.
This is really hard to say and really hard for you to accept but, when she needs you she will go to you and probably not before.
It may just be that she wants to be on her own, away from family, Just make sure that you're there for her when she needs you to be - one day she will need you.
Maybe you could have a word with her grandma, ask her to make your daughter see sense, and at least have a conversation with you - Even if it is just over the phone.
2007-07-28 10:46:12 · answer #3 · answered by SB 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a sad story, and i dont think theres a magical answer, write to her, keep it light, inform her of how things are going and whats going on, maintain this "distant" contact, in time she may respond and you can start to build bridges, be persistant, write every month whether she replies or not, when all this happened she was a child and she is grown now, in her eyes its a lifetime ago, but i believe there will be a day when she will want to reconnect with you, i know the huge turning point in my life was when i myself became a parent, it changed everything i had believed for so long, i went to my mother, and i apologized for all that i had been, and she never thought she would have me like that in her life again after so many years, there is hope, be patient and i hope it all works out for you
2007-07-28 10:29:13 · answer #4 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to know that you did everything a good parent should do and that because of that she is fine now. ( except for her pride which is why I think she doesnt want to admit she was wrong) I am hoping that she will see the light and open up in a few years after finishing her schooling. You should be so proud since there are not many success stories after what you endured.
2007-07-28 10:27:55 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only thing I can think of to say is, don't give up! It sounds like she is confused inside and the best way to deal with it is to close her heart to the past. You can't force her to open herself up to but what you can do is let her know you are there. Send her letters and cards. Let her face up to your existence. If you choose to ignore her and not try to contact her, it will make it hard for any kind of relationship. Eventually when she is mature enough and wants to have some contact with you, she will know it's okay to talk to you. Just take it slow and let her know how you feel, but don't take it too far, it will only scare her away. Just a simple I love you, or let her know how proud you are of her and her accomplishments. She will come around. Good luck, it sounds like it will take awhile but it's up to you how badly you want this relationship back. Take care...
2007-07-28 10:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by HotNurse71 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 thoughts -
1) There's more to the story than you are letting on
2) Your daughter was indeed deeply hurt and probably could use some help in resovling the issues (professional help that is).
Either way, she has made a choice and she is an adult. The only thing you can do is continue to show love and support but not push her.
2007-07-28 10:36:30 · answer #7 · answered by Deborah M P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would bet that a lot won't change in her feelings towards you until she has children of her own some day and realizes how tough it is to raise kids.
She sees herself as a victim and blames you Until she chagnes her attitude things won't change. All you can do is be open. NOT angry. Let her know you love her, and are very proud of her let her know the door is always open and when she is ready you would love to have her back in your lives. Then believe it and leave it. You don't have a lot of choice do you?
2007-07-28 10:46:55 · answer #8 · answered by teritaur 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's the perspective from someone who's been there.
My dad disappeared from our lives for over 15 years,
then when he decided he wanted back in, we were supposed
to welcome him with open arms. WTF? It doesn't work
that way. He was so shocked that we weren't just glad he
was back, like he was in a coma all that time or something and it was a miracle. Sorry, but we had all moved on(my
brother and 2 sisters and I ) and now that we were adults,
we didn't need him coming back into our lives, for what?
To spend Thanksgiving with? Just back off and leave her
alone for now. she has the right to feel however she wants.
2007-07-28 10:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by doodlebug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait for her to approach you..at least you acknowlege you may have made mistakes with her..sound slike her grandma helped her find redemption..stand back and wait on her to heal and she will approach you..
2007-07-28 10:28:06 · answer #10 · answered by Southern Comfort 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋