Moms,what would you do if 2 wks after you returned to work caregiver was careless and your infant broke a bone

Question

My 10 month old fell off the bed and broke a bone while I was at work and our 23yr old niece was watching her. (I know...). Diagnosis was confirmed today. I just want to quit work and continue to stay home with her. Hubby doesn't seem to want me to do that because both incomes support the lifestyle that he wants. I think it's also coz his mom always worked and he doesn't see why moms should stay home. Honestly we would still be comfortable without my income. My mom stayed home with us and still does and it made all the difference in the world. But that's beside the point. What would you all do? I can't bear to leave my baby with anyone any more! Then again, so many moms work and their kids do fine. Why mine!

Answer 1

Accidents HAPPEN.

My eldest daughter got a concussion when she fell off a bed at 10 months because I asked a friend to watch her for one minute. I even stated to be careful that she might fall. She did. I wanted to KILL him.

You staying at home is NOT going to protect your child from falls, bumps, bruises and owies. You staying at home will give you the peace of mind that you know what your child is doing.

However, you need your husband's support on this one. Work out the numbers and discuss it. Also, tell him you just don't feel confident about the current childcare situation, and if you are going to continue to work how is that going to be resolved?

Also, factor in child care costs into the budget and point that out to your husband as well.

I notice some of your statements show a lack of communication in your marriage. "I think it's also coz his mom always worked" "Hubby doesn't seem to want me to do that "...

You are parents now, and your child's needs are vital. However if you cannot communicate openly about your feelings and his (what are his motivations, does he really feel strongly about something - why) then you are going to have a lot of issues in the years ahead.

Best of luck to you and a speedy recovery to the little one!

Answer 2

I agree completely with the first answerer about how this really could be just that... an accident. If I were in your shoes though I woud feel the same way.

I am a Child Care Provider, so I speak from the heart when I say there is quality child care out there! I can honestly say that aside from simple childhood bruises I have had only a few incidents in the last several years where a child needed to see a doctor.... #1 a child fell off the outside steps and need stitches in his chin ( he was 6 at the time and I was nearby) .... #2 a child jumped off the deck and twisted his knee pretty bad. ( he was 11 and I was nearby)... and #3 a child had a severe asthma attack and stopped breathing (he was 10 and I performed CPR til ambulance arrived... he is well now) So you see things happen and kids do get hurt, that doesn't mean that your provider is neglecting your child.

Can you cut your hours down some? Or put your child in a Day Care?

Answer 3

First of all, I am so sorry about your little girl. While I am sure this was an accident, and your neice would not intentionally hurt the baby, I understand the protective part of being a parent. (I sure hope she was remoresful of what happened) You want to protect your child, and if that means staying home, then so be it. Go back and re-read what you wrote, "Hubby doesn't seem to want me to do that because both incomes support the lifestyle that he wants". Well, if that's the lifestyle he wishes to continue, let him get a 2nd job, or put in additional overtime if possible. Is that the kind of lifestyle you desire?

At the same time, I am writing from the viewpoint of a working mom. And, sadly accidents will happen both in your care, and out of your care. I had an amazing SAHM neighbor who was also a teacher. She watched my son from 6 months-15 months. He fell on a toy that nearly missed his eye by just millimeters. Big bruise over the eye and it was scary to look at. Then in my own care only one month ago, we were recently playing and were rough-housing. He's 2 1/2 now, and caught me off guard by jumping on me, but I didn't catch him. He fell on his head and went unconscious for about 45 seconds. I felt like the worst mom in the world for failing to catch him.

But the best advice I can say is follow your heart. If you feel you need to be home for your daughter, then be there. You can always go back to work later on in the future. If your heart says you enjoy working, perhaps you can make arrangements for a part time position, or work from the home.
All the best to you!

Answer 4

It's difficult to separate the decision to stay home from the emotions surrounding incident you describe, but I think you need to. The critical question isn't whether your niece should continue to babysit, except as it applies to whether you can find quality childcare.

The decision to stay home and raise the kids is one that impacts the entire family, and as such needs to be made by the entire family. Right now, that's you AND your husband. It sounds like you've done the math. Can you find quality childcare? Support people for when baby is sick and you need to be at work? What are you willing to give up? What would hubby be willing to take on or give up? Would you be willing and able to do work from home?

Also, remember that no decision is forever. If it isn't working out, you can change the plan. But ultimately, the plan needs to be made together, not one parent forcing the other into a situation not of their choosing.

A final word: don't let anyone try to tell you you are wrong for not making the same choice they did. Every family has to find it's own way. Outside of abuse, there really isn't a wrong answer.

Answer 5

I would stay home even though your lifestyle will not be the same. I started staying home 2 years ago and even though our lifestyle is VERY different (I was the breadwinner!!) it is worth it to know that my boys are in good hands (they are 2 and 3 yrs old). I understand some mothers cannot afford it and in that case I would find a better provider for your infant. I went through the same thing with my mother in law (left my son sleeping in the middle of a bed head face into a pillow at 2 months!) and I had to have my son's Godmother watch him until I started staying home after my second son was born. I would be happy to give you more suggestions offline if you are interested-we are all in this together!!
Stay at home Mommy to Max and Gabriel

Answer 6

I would let my child continue with the caregiver provided that there was no other possible signs of child abuse. I would do a thorough check and have the Drs confirm how exactly that it could have happened and comapre it to what the caregiver said happen. If there was any conflict there, I'd find a new caregiver. Broken bones on kids that young is very rare because the bones are still somewhat soft. Go with your Motherly instincts

Answer 7

Whoa, I think you need to just stop and listen to your intuition on this one. Your niece is NOT responsible enough to watch your infant and shouldn't be allowed to do so anymore. If you're not comfortable starting work again yet (and you have good reason not to be!) then your husband has no right to pressure you to do so. The first few years of child development are SOOO critical and I also believe that staying home with your child makes all the difference.

I am a part-time nanny and even though I love my job, I see the effect that being cared for by someone other than their mother has on small children. It can be extremely trying. You also have to realize that if you are continually absent, your children may become more attached to their hired caregiver than they are to you. One of my charges actually calls me mom. I think this is heartbreaking.

I would say that you should continue to stay home for now. If/when you are ready to go back to work maybe you can go only a few days a week or work from home. If you do decide to continue to work please hire a competent nanny who can provide excellent references. It's really essential that you leave your infant with someone you know you can trust (NOT your niece!!!).

Answer 8

sit down together and make a family mission pact. who are we to our children? what do we value most? etc. really tackle the ridiculousness of it all with a velvet hammer - do we really need an x, y, z? can we rent it (bigger car for the occasional need) borrow it, get it some other year instead of NOW? little kids are simple in needs - -used, rented, borrowed things vs. glowing in the presence of my mama? how short the years when your children are under 5! they "absorb" the environments we put them in- -if you can stay home, want to stay home and can delay the gratification of "life-stuff-style" for a few years, then enjoy those kids and all the fun, memorable times you have together! It all goes by too fast. Really, stand back and take a look. really get to the bottom of his resistance - -is there any (common to many) jealous emotions (such as kids get more of you attention than he, or he works while he percieves you as vacationing at home with placid children). Re: broken bone, so sorry to hear. that is just a horrible experience for all of you. and for any working parent reading this and feeling defensive - my feedback supports her post - and i answered because i really care about the impact caregivers have on children (i had a nanny - -and you can guess it - -i stayed at home until kids were older/ in school).

Answer 9

Something is bothering me with what you describe.

10 month old babies have anatomical differences which make broken bones incredibly rare. I would question whether she had actually fallen from the bed or something more had happened. Speaking from emotion, I would not let your neice babysit again.

The decision of whether to go back to work or stay at home is another matter which I think you need to decide for yourself; I know that is what you are really asking about.

Answer 10

I am a stay-home mom and honestly my kids get hurt more than any kids I know of. cracked skull, glued heads, broken ribs, sunflower seed in ear. You name it and my kids 7&5 have tried it twice. Staying home does not prottect them from physical harm! but.........I completely understand why you want to stay home. There are lots of job options that you could do from home I have 2 incomes and I am a stay-home mom! I bring more money into this house monthly than my husband does. If you take a couple of months and look into all of your options you may find something that you like and is already in the field that you work that has a stay-home option. Good Luck