9 year old niece tried to kil herself mom is willing to let her live with me should i take her away from mom?

Question

the mom and my neice fight constently mom just went through a divorce from a man who is not neices dad but she called him dad. so court ruled dad got custody of their two kids together leaving neice with mom now neice tried to cut her wrists 2 weeks ago and now is talking about choking herself mom is at a loss and asked me to help by letting herlive with me 2 states away but is it wise to take her away from mom evan though their are problems or else how are they ever going to get along also mom has a new boyfriend and mom says that sh has to decide between boyfriend and my niece now i know she should choose my neice but han that would just cause underlying hatd between them wouldnt it.i am the only one thhat has ever been able to get through to neice evan more so than grandma and grandpa and neice cant go live with ex because the lawyers are getting their noses in it making exdad feel like niece is a burden when neice love him should we take out of her element to better one with no mom

Answer 1

Children that young don't understand this kind of adult action. I would bet that she wishes her mom and dad where back together again. This poor girl is lost and feeling very alone. Her mother saying that she must decide between her daughter and her boyfriend is absolutely disgraceful. Her obligation is too her daughter first, her life later. This is just incredible to me how some women feel that they can bring a child into this world and then dump them when the going gets rough. Her father allowing lawyers to influence the duty he has to his child is also disgusting.

I say bring that baby to you, because she is still a baby at 9 when it comes to her parents behaving like this, and love her, love her, lover her and hold her and hold her!!!! Show her that you want her....If you really do want her. Someone needs to save her if her mother and her father won't. My heart hurts for her. When it comes to the welfare and the stability and love of a child, I will always side with that child.

Good Luck to you and your niece. I will say a prayer for you.

Added Saturday 7/28 in response to Worried Aunt's email to me. Thank you for contacting me, here is my reply.

Thank you for contacting me. I’ve thought about this little one all night. I understand that you are worried about your niece and your sister being separated, but at the same time, your niece isn’t getting the love and care that she absolutely deserves from her parents. Though their relationship is important, I believe the first priority is that your niece be in a safe and loving environment. If she is harming herself while living with her mother and her mother doesn’t see the outcry of her daughter, then she isn’t in a safe environment. At 9 years old, your niece doesn’t realize that suicide is a final solution to a temporary problem. Death is final! She should be thinking about her friends, clothes and school, not killing herself. That little girl doesn’t know that she is a blessing and that her name is written on God’s heart…in the book of life and that he loves her. She is in this world for a reason, she has a purpose!

Being that you are a Christian woman and raising your children as Christians, you know that God always makes a way. I believe teaching her about Jesus and his love could save her life in every way. You can teach her that though she may feel alone, she is never alone with God. You can teach her about forgiveness so that one day she can forgive the parents that didn’t love her the way they should have. Not that they don’t love her (which I’m sure they do), they just don’t know how to be a strong parents in her life.

Save this little girl from her desperation before she turns to drugs, alcohol and to sex. You surely don’t want her to turn to boys looking for the love she is missing. She deserves to know she is worthy of a life full of wonderful possibilities regardless of her current situation. Teach her to lean on God through good and bad times. Teach her to praise his name. Teach her to thank him for things that haven’t come to fruition yet. Teach her to pray and teach her to pray for her parents. Teach her that she is the child of God and that he is her original Father and that he knew her before she was ever born. He has her carved in the palm of his hand. If you know the Lord and speak with him often, it is my hope that you know when he speaks to you. Pray on this and listen for his answer. He is obviously talking to your heart and I pray that he is using me to speak to you.

Feel free to contact me anytime. I will pray you and for her and I will pray for her parents. Tell her what a miracle she is, because she is a living, breathing, beautiful miracle.

My love and prayers.

Answer 2

This is a hard question to awnser. You have to ask your self if you are ready for the kind of responciblity this will place on you. You should ask yourself if this is truely what would be best for your neice or if it's just an easy way out for her mother.

Would this be taking her away from her friends at the time when she needed them the most? Or would it be taking her out of a bad environment and into a supportive one?

My parents divorcedd when I was 13 and my brother was 12, and divorce effects each child differently. My father and I aren't realy close anymore, but my brother hates my mother and has lived with my dad the last several years.

It comes down to doing what you think is best.

Answer 3

Sounds like the 9 year old niece has a few issues and may even be jealous of your daughter. Is your nieces father still in the picture? Sometimes kids who feel inadequate, turn there anger towards children that have what they want, in an attempt to make themselves feel better. I wouldn't cause a scene. It's not worth upsetting your sister in-law over, who will only think that your child is a spoilt brat. Try to control your anger by also trying to understand why this child is the way she is. She might need help.

Answer 4

I think that you, your neice and her mom should talk about this together. If you say that you are the only one to be able to get through to her, then maybe you should take her in. But make sure it is alright with the neice in question.

Answer 5

Sounds like she has very low self- esteem and sometime a boyfreind might make that worst. Cause at that age some time all they want is sex, which is one thing that will make her esteem worst. and the coking and wrist cutting might be a attention getter, she proably feels unlove and wants to be notice. She need love, but it will proably take tough love to help her take responsiblity for her actions. It is good to have her choose, but the best choice is to have be in a different enviorment. if she stays with mom and around boyfreind she might got live or run away with him.
If SRS finds out they might take her away and put her in foster care to get her therapy and defuse the problem, whatever it is.

Answer 6

liveing with you is better then the streets -----like the one answer said you could always send her back
mom is geting the divorce thing on her mind to get over
then dealing with the lose of the other two kids to pop then the new boyfriend dealings then this dealing of the niece so she needs a break ------------------------------------------------ you may want to find out why the neace is trying to kill her self and maybe realy help - sounds like she needs it - may be tuff for you to but if you think it is to much now is the time to speak up -

Answer 7

Yes. Take her. It sounds like you care more about her than anyone else does. I mean, if mom is "choosing between a new bf and her daughter".... my gawd, that's awful. If the niece wants to come live with you, go for it.

Answer 8

I think that you and the girls mother need to sit down with a lawyer, and the girl definitely needs some counseling. she's just lost the only "dad" she had.

Answer 9

Maybe you should take her in, at least until things cool down, things have a way of getting back to normal with time.

Answer 10

Talk to a counselor I tried that but whats the point of killing myself if i haven't used the new oven in my parents got for our new condo right? Tell her there are good things in life that will happen to her like her mom being run oven and hit by a truck or something