He's been in jail for making a few bad decisions after another. It landed him 3 years away from his daughter. The last time he's seen her was when she was 3 mon old. Of course she doesn't know who he is and neither did I school her on who he was. I have been with the same guy for 3 years. He's been there for me and my daughter since she was 3 month old. When she turned 1 she called my boyfriend daddy I corrected her and told her that was "John". That mistake stopped her from called me mama. She then started calling him by name and me too. Finally when she made the terrible twos, I explained to her I was mama and thats what I should be called. She then started calling my boyfriend daddy. This time I didn't correct her. So we've been happilly ever after since.
Until I get a phone call from her biological father. He wants to see the baby. I decided to meet him at a local park.
Additional Details
23 hours ago
He walked up and called her name and she answered but when he started walking toward her she said "I don't like you" "You're bad" I'm gonna beat you up if you touch me" "Leave me alone". Before you jump to conclusions I taught my daughter to recognize and scream if a stranger is bothering you. She figured he was a stranger. She ran from him and refused to let him hold her. I never once corrected any of her feelings because I knew it wasn't programmed feelings it was just the way my daughter felt. I feel bad for not correcting my daughters behavior but then I felt like if I would have I would have been confusing her. When I told her that that was her daddy she said "No he's not I have a daddy already" and then she said my boyfriend's name. The biological father left saying it seems like a happy family and I don't wanna intrude so I'm gone and he left!!!
Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful because I am confused.
23 hours ago
The biological father has never been consistent with providing for her or even just taking care of her if I have something to do or just needs a babysitter. I don't want to take away a man who has been consistent each and everytime for a guy who hasn't the slightest clue on how to take care of a little girl. I want him there but its not mandatory that he be there full time in my eyes because they have a guy that plans on being there full time already.
From singing the bo-bo song when she hurts herself to adding her to his health insurance this guy is the one
2007-07-27 15:29:24 · 9 answers · asked by Niinnaa 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This will come around again!! Children always want to know where the bio-father, bio-mothe is and what they were and where did they go and WHY did they go. Children grow up with questions if the parents lived together. If you have a chance to stop so many questions and be a part of the answers...do it while she is a baby! Introduce them again...and again..and 100 times if you need to. This will come back again and again. You have the answers now...act now.
It is good of you to teach the baby about strangers. The bio-father should know that was a reaction to how you taught her and he can be proud of that! Not injured.
While it is a law that both parents contribute financially to support the baby and you do not need it, the father still has a responsibility to financially support the baby. If all you do is take the finances and put it in a college fund...then so be it. The baby will know adults did good by her all her life. What an awesome feeling you are setting up for your baby. She will feel 'whole'. Her father may have seen the behavior of your daughter...and said "it seems like a happy family"...it does not matter what it "seems" like. He still has a financial responsility to her. He may not have a job right now...and I am sure that will take time, but take note...it is for the good of everyone that he cares for her. It will be good for his own soul that he cares in this fashion. Been consistant or not...make him consistant even if he lives 4 states away...
It sounds like you have a foundation with a man that cares for both of you. It is hard to say what she calls him if you are not married. She could call him anything...Daddy...John...Mr Smith...but the baby will still grow up and seek her bio-father. Will the child resent that she has called John 'Daddy'...no...because he has been one all her life! I called a man grandpa all my life that really wasn't one. It is adoring. And keeping her bio-dad in the picture...keeping him engaged in her life...(hoping that his "really" bad decision making is over) because we all make bad decisions...and letting your daughter get to know him will only answer questions. If her bio-dad makes really bad decisions later...the baby will see that...and you will guard her. So many children grow up without a father figure...and she will have two. How wonderful is that!! and it all because of YOU!
She is only 3 yrs old...introduce her slowly to this man. Of course he does not know how to care for her. He saw her as an infant and now she is really big...(to him). Life stopped for him while he was away. The last he knew ... she was needing to be craddled. Now she able to run and talk. You have a lot on your plate...that is for sure...and now you need to teach both of them. It can be done! You know what you are after...less questions in her future. You don't want bio-dad to baby sit for her while he does not how to hold her and kiss a boo-boo. But he can learn it!! And maybe he won't do it as good as John does it...AND THAT IS OK !! So long as he does it with great care.
You said that you want the bio-father there...welcome him! Introduce the baby to him again. Not a whole lot of 'over explaining to the 3 year old. Just tell her what to call him...dad...father...daddy. It is a learning process. The bio-dad is a stranger right now...but won't be 1 yr from now.
You have done so much right ... You can do this...you even have support from a man.
Good luck to you! You're doing a great job!
2007-07-27 16:47:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jeannine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is still pretty young,I would slowly indoctrinate her over time that she has a biological father and that you don't want to hinder a relationship with him but encourage her to start a relationship with her bio father when she is ready.I would contact the bio father and wish him well and inform him that you plan on explaining his relationship to your daughter but are going to leave it up to the daughter to decide when she is ready to accept a relationship.
I would encourage him to at least keep in contact(birthday card,christmas card) until your daughter is ready for more.You don't want her to harbor ill feelings later against the bio father for not keeping in touch even though he was under the understanding he was to stay away.
I wouldn't want to feel abandoned.Good luck
2007-07-27 15:51:12 · answer #2 · answered by boobooloo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Major respect to your boyfriend. Understand your child is confused due to only knowing one "father figure" in her life, due to her age. You need to seek a counselor, or read self-help books on the situation. I have never met my bio dad, and my step came into my life at 3 yrs too. I call him DAD.
I feel a person deserves to be called DAD, from his actions, love, care, protection, support etc. and NOT because someone carries the same blood.
Good luck and stay strong with your relationship. Blessings
2007-07-27 15:41:30 · answer #3 · answered by Respuesta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you sound like you guys are happy already with John and he seems like a good man. Yeah her biological dad probably got hurt but he has not been there for her and you have a great man that is willing to treat her like his daughter. Let her decide when she gets older is she wants anything to do with her dad.Good Luck
2007-07-27 16:27:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think she will need to know the truth by the age of 4 or 5 when she can understand a little more who her biological father is. She also shouldn't be calling John "daddy" unless this guy has any intention of marrying you, teach her again to call him "John". She will pick it up sooner or later. Always be honest with your kids, don't hide any information from them, when they get older, they will remember & will be confused/upset about it.
2016-05-20 22:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you confused? The biological father is right. It is a happy family, he doesn't want to intrude. He is gone. Let him go. End of story. The man who has been taking care of you and your girl is the "real" father. The other just donated sperm.
2007-07-27 15:38:08 · answer #6 · answered by Alicia 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you and she have a wonderful man. If the Loser is willing to walk away, don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Count your blessings. Let her call him Daddy, you forgot she is a baby/child she doesn't understand.
2007-07-27 15:45:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you have a good thing with "John" and I think you should let the bio father just walk away. Get the bio father to relinquish his rights so you daughter can be properly adopted later on. That is my personal opinion.
2007-07-27 15:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
it was wrong of you NOT to tell your daughter who dad really is, and Of Course the bio-dad hasnt supported her if he was in prison... he needs to start, and You need to teach your daughter NOW who he is- or you WILL regret it later
2007-07-27 15:39:11 · answer #9 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋