Should I tell my mom about my dad?

Question

I have been noticing lately my dad's strange behavior. I have found porn sites on the computer, he gets on aol at weird times in the day, he has a myspace and he isn't telling anyone, and my parents fight a lot. I don't know what to do, I was thinking about confronting my Dad about some of this, but I don't know what to do.

One time he was on aol at home and I asked who he was talking to and he said no one and I saw a window blinking at the bottom so he was lying...I don't know what to do, or what he is doing....PLEASE HELP!

No one tell me to keep my nose to myself because it is none of my business...because it is hurting my family...if you have some real advice please help. If not then please shut up and leave.

I'm 17 and going to college in a month...fyi so i'm not stupid

Answer 1

I feel for you. I was recently in a similar situation. My dad had started to see someone behind his wife's back (she was my step-mom). He had been married to her for like 11 years or something. Well, I found out. I approached my dad and told him that I knew what was going on. He tried to deny it at first, but my dad knows I know him better than he knows himself.
So eventually I pried the truth out of him. He told me he was planning on moving in with his new girlfriend. I asked him when he planned on telling his wife. He said he was going to wait until after he was ready to move. I told him that I didn't agree with what he was doing, but agreed to give him some time to let his wife know on his own. Things started getting really bad after that. He started asking me and my brother to lie to my step-mom for him. I went along with against my will for a while. Then, one day I just told him .."Look, Dad, what you are doing is wrong and not fair to _____" then I told him that if he didn't tell her soon, I was going to. I also explained to him that he was being selfish by asking his children to lie for him. My dad is a very sensitive guy and a wonderful man and hates confrontations. By that weekend he told his wife what had been going on and he moved out. He is now married to his new girlfriend. (Did I mention his new wife is my ex-sister-in-law.... she was married to my husband's brother for almost 15 years) ..So you can imagine how "in the middle" I felt during all these changes. In the end, I'm glad I had the courage to confront my dad and ultimately help him confront the issue he had to deal with.
I really hope this helps. I wasn't sure if I wanted to relay this information to the world wide web. It's quite personal, but you seem like you are quite troubled by this.

Answer 2

I think you need to see a professional counselor to at least help you the best way possible. If you can't afford, ask someone for a small loan. It should not take more than one session for an answer. Some offer 1/2 hour free. If you do not go the counselor route, you need to have a meeting with you and your parents. Tell your Dad, what you know and feel and give him no more than one week to come clean with your Mother. Your Dad is not only hurting your Mom, but everyone in your family. Good Luck and Blessings

Additional, how can people answer that it is not her problem?
Especially sons, would you not kill for your Mother??
If my Mother were to be hurt in any way, people doing the hurt would not want to cross my path. The husband's selfish acts are damaging his daughter and could hurt her in trust in her relationships.

Answer 3

If your mom and dad are fighting I have a feeling that your mom has probably already noticed some of these things. I think you should talk to her and tell her what your concerns are. Let her know that this is hurting you and that you are really worried about your parents relationship. Maybe you can suggest that your parents go to couples counseling or that you all go to family therapy together.

I think you certainly have a right to voice your concerns but I do urge you not to get right in the middle of it. Putting yourself in that position is unfair to you and to your parents. Whether or not they work out these problems is really up to them unfortunately.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do for her is to let her learn her own lessons the hard way. Unless she is really going to get hurt of course. In time your parents will find out what she is doing. She is an adult and can not be treated like a child. I you say something it is very possible it will ruin your relationship forever. There is a time in our lives when we need to figure out what we want for ourselves and if that is what she wants so be it. In time she might notice she is messing up and straighten out but you can not do that for her. If you are really concerned maybe give her a call and have a good heart to heart with her and let her know she is messing up. If you dont want to confront her maybe her boyfriend can talk to her.

Answer 5

maybe you should talk to your dad first. here's why I say that. I was 12 years old and my dad had went over seas (air force)and left me my mom and my sister.. i was so sad i missed him so much. so everyday i would go and sit in his car after school. so i was nibbing around in there and i found this picture. not a normal picture. one like a slide from those old things. anyway i couldn't make out any thing except my dad. so i took it in and showed it to my mom. it was my dad and he wasn't be faithful. they got a divorce and i only saw my dad once more before he died. i blamed myself for years that if i could have just gone to my dad. they would never have divorced. as a kid it is very traumatic. so please whatever you decide be careful. you are loyal to both your parents. and you need them both. i bet your mom has an idea. but i bet your dad would act a little different if you talked to him. Good luck honey.

Answer 6

It's a difficult one. Really you have to step outside the father-daughter relationship and see that your parent's relationship is seperate to this. He is an adult and deserves his own private life. So basically, it is his business what he gets up to. I know it is very difficult but I seen this same question in an agony aunt column in a magazine recently and this is the answer she gave. Hope this helps and try not to worry.

Answer 7

Hello,

Don't mention it if your father has been on sites - men love sites that show whatever it does not make them a pervert.

Men have needs and often read dirty books and go on horny websites (my husbands does) it is a man thing so let him continue - most women hate the thought of their husbands looking at beautiful horny woman (they all do it) so I suggest you say nothing - one day you might understand.
Don't confront your dad - if he has a need and he is fulfilling it on the web it really has nothing to do with you.

I know he is your dad but it is a man thing so forget it and move on.

Answer 8

You should stay out of it.
Not because it's not your business, but because
you're too young to understand the problems of your parents.
Your father may be dealing with a mid-life crisis which you simply can't understand.
Chatting around on the net is pretty harmless and if it helps him cope, let it be.

Answer 9

Let your dad know that you are aware of his actions, Tell him your respect for him is limited just to know that he has no more respect for your mom than he has. Ask him have he thought of moving where he will be more happier. Because obviously he is not happy at home. Really what i expect him to be too ashamed to face you after this and do his dirt away from home. And no don't tell your mom. She will soon find out on her own. But do tell your dad if he don't stop it . You will tell your mom. But Please don't.

Answer 10

It's none of your business. Keep your nose to yourself.

edit - child it isn't any of your business. It isn't any of my business either. I'm sure your family would be real happy that your posting their private business on the internet. Your parents marital relations are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. How would you feel about your parents getting into your marital/relationship relations? Wouldn't be very happy about it would you? You would think they were interfering with choices that are yours (and ONLY yours) to make. The same holds true. Your parents are the adults and you are the child. It is NOT your business to have anything to do with their ADULT decisions/lives.