What tribute do you think I should make to my best friends who just passed?

Question

My best friend of 37 years just passed, she was 53. She called herself an atheist because she couldn't understand why the Christian God would let her go through the horror of being abused by her step-father.

In my mind's eye she is in the Summerland waiting for me and her husband. He is having a wake in Georgia and then he will come up here (Kentucky) to bring her ashes so we can bury them here on the property in the Fall.

I want to plan a local memorial/wake and I would like to know what others think would be appropriate?

If you have something nasty to say or your want this advantage to spread your Christian anger or righteousness just remember, I am a Witch and you are supposed to afraid of us! And believe me the pain I am feeling can be shared.

Thanks to all for your good thoughts in advance.

Tammy, I have worked all my life to get your religion to accept mine, so your admonition means little to me. But let me share this with you.

Jeremiah 12:13
13 They will sow wheat but reap thorns;
they will wear themselves out but gain nothing.
So bear the shame of your harvest
because of the LORD's fierce anger."

I have a degree in theology and understand your Bible probably better than you. This universe is large enough for all religions and if you choose to believe whatever, you hurt only yourself.

Pangel, thanks for the words to Tammy. Oh, also I'm a guy.

Fruitcake, that threat was as a warning for ANYONE to answer with an unkind thought or statement concerning my loss. It was not aimed at anyone in particular. By the way, please show me proof that your God is bigger! My Goddess is huge!

TO EVERYONE I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. i LOVE ALL YOUR IDEAS AND I WILL PROBABLY DO THEM ALL. YES, MY FRIENDS WAS THE BESTEST FRIEND A PERSON COULD HAVE AND I KNEW HER WELL. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GOING TO MAKE A FORMAL GARDEN IN MY FRONT YARD AND IT WILL HAVE TREES, STATUES OF CATS AND LOTS OF BLUE FLOWERS. THIS I CAN AND WILL GIVE HER. THANKS AGAIN TO EVERYONE!

sharmel, I just haven't got a clue how people could not believe in a higher power, but that is the difference of belief. My friend was an atheist and she didn't have a belief as to where she would go after death, but I need to believe that she is somewhere out there waiting for me. Religion is about comfort and since I live alone there is only that comfort and the love of my two dogs. Would you rip that comfort away when I am not asking you to understand or follow me religion?

angeltress, Thank you for your prayers. I have no trouble accepting them since I know your religion is as important to you as mine is to me. My friends are special and I have made some special ones here on R&S. Thank you.

Answer 1

My deepest sympathies are with you in your time of loss.

With that being said, I think the best memorial would be one in which you honor your friends memory in the best way possible for you.....

I know that sounds kind of vague... but I am sure if you think about it you will come up with something that sounds special and right and will feel perfect.

Answer 2

FYI, Christians are NOT supposed to be afraid of people of other faiths, not even witches. Where on earth did you hear such a ridiculous thing?

I'm sorry about your friend, though. I hope the rest of her life was happier than her childhood. I personally know some victims of childhood abuse, and know their struggles to attain some sort of "normal" life.

As for the memorial/wake..
1. A group dinner, especially a potluck with all of her (on speaking terms) family and friends, is always appropriate. You can eat together, and each share memories of the friend you have lost. Young and old can take part in this.

2. Gather all the photographs you have of her, from as many different sources possible, and make a display board out of them (showing her life). Include objects important to her, or representing things important to her, in the display. For example, if she was a gardener, a pair of worn gloves and a trowel, with a potted flower, make a nice addition. You get the idea.

3. You may want to plant a special garden or tree with her ashes, especially if they are going to be scattered. Add a statue or a birdbath or something, to make it a special spot. You can always associate that place with your friend, and it will always be full of life.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 3

I'll start by saying that i have absolutely no fears of your implied "witch's skills" I have no more terror of those than I have for the christian threats about what is going to happen to me through my refusal to accept the existence of some mysterious invisible superbeing they call God.

Just wanted to get that out of the way.

As to the main purpose of your question, you lost a friend who apparantly meant a lot to you. Whoever she was, and whatever she believed in, or didn't believe in, she had people who cared about her and are sad for the loss of her.. It hurts, and I am sorry for your pain.

I don't have one clue where we "go when we die" and I don't have much to say to those who claim they do. I just know that like most other people, I have also lost in death many whom I miss, and still feel the pain when I remember them. On a scale of one to ten, these days, my belief in the possibility of an "afterlife" stands around a two and a half, because I still can't bring myself to abandon hope altogether that I might see my loved ones again somewhere, somehow, sometime. In the meanwhile, the best I can do is continue to remember them with warmth, and love.
I cannot tell you what tribute you can make to your friend... I take it you mean some kind of verbal tribute at the wake. You knew her best, after thirty seven years, so you should have no problem recalling many happy moments. Stand up there and open your mouth and my bet is everything will come out that you want to come out.. If there is, indeed, a place where our essence, our personal consciousness, our "soul" for those who like that word, transitions when our bodies die, then perhaps your friend will be at the wake too, standing beside you, and maybe there will be a way for her to whisper to you that she is still beside you. I am sure that the best tribute you can give would be to just gather around all those who meant most to her, and to whom she meant most, and then just share your recollections.

Answer 4

Since you said this is a wake, I would suggest writing down the good things you know about her and loved about her to share with others. I understand a wake is supposed to celebrate a person's life? If so... I think that would be a wonderful thing to do. If you know of songs she loved, poems or prose... a story she told you, some way in which she touched your life. Something you think would be encouraging to those at the service.

I am a Christian, and I am not afraid or have anything nasty or self righteous to say. I am sorry to hear of the pain you and your friend suffered at the hands of others. I am also sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

I posted this on a question when we all thought Susan J had died...I think it's a lovely and appropriate piece to read at a service for anyone of any religion.

"I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There she goes!'

Gone where? Gone from my sight ... that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There she goes!' there are other eyes watching her coming and their voices ready to take up the glad shouts 'Here she comes!'

~ Henry Van Dyke, A Parable of Immortality

Answer 6

I think just a nice gathering of people with lots of pictures of her displayed. People can talk of her and tell their stories of her. Have plenty of food. People don't know what to do or say sometimes at a time like this and food helps to fill the void. Maybe a neat slideshow with the pic's of her would be alright too. With music playing. I hope this turns out o.k. for ya. It's got to be tough right now for you. She wasn't old at all. Well wishes.

Answer 7

Well, You should know her well enough to know what she cherished the most in life. If you are the one wanting to do this wake for your friend, then do it how you think she would have wanted it. Whether we can look down from above after we have passed I cannot say for sure, but saying she can see what you are doing for her, you only need to worry about pleasing her and yourself. She was your friend, so everything you put into this needs to come from you....you should already know that though.
Hang in there dear, you have my condolences.

Answer 8

I don't like being threatened by witches. My God is bigger than your God.
However, I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Encourage those who attend to keep her memory alive by talking about her at times. Even down the road you could talk about her to your friends and make them remember.


Added: You could also put one of those rocks in the garden with a plaque on it that says something like "Peace Garden" with your friend's name on it.
I know they make those kinds of rocks in Amish country but problably any place that makes headstones would have them.

Answer 9

Ok then, thanks for the threat at the end. That was nice. While I was reading your "question" it came to my mind that planting a tree as part of the memorial would be a nice gesture along with a plaque stating that the tree was planted in memory of so and so with the year of birth and death. Good luck and please don't put a witchy curse on me! Just trying to help.......

Answer 10

Can you build and dedicate a garden to her? That would be nice, grow her favorite flowers, a statue of somethings she might like.
Give her a happy space, she would want that!

Sorry for your lose dear, hold on to the gift your dear friend gave you...the good times!