we got married (with children) bought a house,3 months later he got laid off, i continued working, it all went down hill from there...lost the house yr later. moved back in with his parents. then he left. did not hear from him for about 3 wks. he went on to live on the streets with his girlfriend, they had a baby, social services took baby away from mom, and my mother in law adopted their son..... before loosing the house i did have an affair. it did not last.... we remained friends or friends with benefits. he no longer has contact with baby mother, but he met someone else and had a 4 yr relationship.in the beginning of this yr i ended my 1 yr relationship with someone that i met.Now after all this we have both have that desire to be the family we set out to be. put it all behind us and move forward...think thats possible???
2007-07-27 10:16:19 · 18 answers · asked by sabrinie97 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You say after all this, we both have the desire to be the family we set out to be. So does that mean you got married, bought a house, had babies -with no desire to actually stay committed?
Why would now be any different?
You can't have your cake and eat it too and I don't see why this time would be any different -I don't think the 2 of believe the benefits of staying together are worth the hardships of doing it.
I think if you are serious about settling down, you need to find someone else.
2007-07-27 10:22:24 · answer #1 · answered by simply_college 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I should say that I am glad you both are considering actually living up to the vows you made so long ago. It is a step in the right direction after both of you made so many wrong steps in the past. But, if there is to be any hope, you both need to understand what led to the destructive patterns you were living for the last 5+ years. Counseling, and honestly looking at yourselves, will be the only hope. I would also recommend that you truly start to think about the example you are making for the children who have been living in your wake all of these years. I don't mean to be harsh, but seriously, put them first, please. Be someone who lives up to your word. Be a person of integrity. And, if after counseling, and after soul-searching, you both decide to "be the family [you] set out to be" then really make the commitment - not for a year, not until someone better comes along, but for good.
Good luck.
2007-07-27 10:27:13 · answer #2 · answered by careergirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can try and see if this is what you really want to do. If he is really willing to change it can work. The both of you did wrong in the marriage. You cheated on him, and I can see were you would. A lot of people may disagree with me.Was he already gone when you cheated if so I do not consider that cheating. If he has a child by another woman he needs to support that child if not he is just a loser and you do not need him. Does he support your child, does he now have a job. I would really think about this before you get this guy back in your life. I would not drag your child in and out of this relationship. Think about what is best for you and your child. Only you can answer this question
2007-07-27 10:25:05 · answer #3 · answered by Cristy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. Only you guys can really figure it out. But, it sounds difficult, but if you really try hard to become a family and don't give up, then I think it could work. As long as you have the motivation and love, I think it could work. You can't ignore the past but you can do what you can now to make things right. I hope everything works out for you!
2007-07-27 10:23:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
anything is possible. what happened in the past, yeah it might suck, but at the same time, you can't change what happened and living in negativity because of what happened isnt going to change anything OR make things better. If you both can just take it from today on, and not bring up the past, im sure things will work out okay. Unless he hasn't learned anything from that lesson, then I'd think twice
2007-07-27 10:20:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a ton of personal baggage both of you are dragging, but if truly in both of your hearts the feeling of true maturity - and with the understanding that the children come first - then there is hope. But you need to have the children's welfare as the most important question.
2007-07-27 10:20:40 · answer #6 · answered by Zombie Birdhouse 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
things do have they're rough patches not everything can b perfect if it could b then i'd b 1 of the first up for it. i'm always told to keep my chin up be strong and do wat i think will be the best thing for me and my family put my children 1st so i'm gonna say the same to u! keep yr priorites to a limit and do wats rite for u and yr children cause you and yr children deserve nothing but the best and happiness. only u can decide on yr future and where it leads .. dont regret nothing just put it down as experience.
2007-07-27 10:23:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even in the midst of this situation it is possible that a marriage can be saved, but I think that you definitely need a counselor to intervene. Even if you get back together - you have to understand that there is another baby out there that his mother is raising. Do you plan to take this baby ? Please seek counseling...nothing is impossible.
2007-07-27 10:20:30 · answer #8 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is, Get yourself a good counselor. You guys can get through anything if you have gone through this much already and still hav3e a desire for your family to remain together.... GET a VERY GOOD therapist for you and the children
2007-07-27 10:19:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to quote a famous TV person, but Gregg B. says, "He's not that into you!" And Jerry Springer would like to have you on his show. Seriously--you need to get into church. I know you have a lot to work on, but God really cares about you.
2007-07-27 10:20:32 · answer #10 · answered by Kelli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋