I got kicked out the wedding party, Should I go as a guest now?

Question

I was invited to a bridesmaid in this destination wedding back in February of 2007. The wedding is set at the beach in New Jersey, and we live three hours from the destination location. I was the "matchmaker" of this couple, the groom is my cousin and the bride to be is a friend. I helped the bride to be, look at dresses for herself and other bridesmaids. I recommended and offered alot of great information to the bride in planning her wedding. The bridesmaids got measured and fitted for our dresses, and the dresses came in and I saw the dress for the first time last week. I get a phone call from the groom to tell me I am NO longer in the wedding party but is invited to a "guest" only. I said, why? They told me, I brought on too much stress and comotion in their lives before the big day. The bride and groom also recently bought their first house and is going through some stressful weekends to fix up their house before the big day as well. Should I still go to the wedding?

Answer 1

Ummmm....okay, this was a super tacky way of dismissing you from the wedding party, but I think you should try to be gracious about it because the groom is family. If I were you, I would write a note to the bride and groom apologizing for whatever offended them and explaining to them that it was completely unintentional because you are so happy that they are together and getting married. Tell them they are both so important to you, you wouldn't want to do anything that upset them on the most important day of their lives. You wish you could still be part of the wedding party, but it's their decision. Apologize again for any unintentional misunderstanding and sign off.

They may read your note and invite you back into the wedding party (dress is already bought, right?). Or they may just feel better about you. Either way, you come out on top.

Answer 2

Oh for the sakeof sanity, Cancer aids,homeless,death,taxes but a wedding ?,[Great Stress.]! Not to me! They have the choice to go in front of a judge.They are not MGM presents.When my wedding cost me a good friend and relative's feelings ,I'd rethink my priorties. Go to the wedding, No I'd throw the all time party.Invite my sincere friends they don't know,and people not attending . Why go, ur reporting for further abuse and humilitation? I say this not because they, changed u out. It's how they did it, obivously bridzilla wanted it, or she would have spoken to u also. Do u think the wedding party has'nt dicussed this too? They are both shallow, as a bird bath. If they didn'nt want ur imput they could have said so gently, as a friend and relative. Have ur party and divorce them now. Return the gift ,and spend the money on ur blow out party. Weddings should be a sacred event ,with vows spoken to God. Not a forum for bad manners an selfish attitudes. Stop now are u can expect the same, at their family functions and parties.Get some grit wish them the best, send a mushy gaudy card. Kill them with kindness from a distance.Sorry about this I'm insulted for you. I'm sure your a bigger person than me , but it's pretty shabby in my book. Wish u the very best what ever u choose.

Answer 3

There must be a little more to the story than you are saying and I bet if the couple posted a question in regards to this, they would have more to say.

Regardless of whether you caused too much drama or not, I'd go. If you did cause too much drama, then it'll show that you are sorry and can still be a good person at heart. If you didn't do anything, then it shows that you realize these people are just going through a stressful time right now with the wedding and house buying.

Get dressed up, have some free food and dance with family/friends! Don't let yourself get bogged down in emotions if you didn't do a thing wrong.

Answer 4

I wouldn't. If there was some neutral reason why they pushed you out of the bridal party, that's one thing. But here you are having spent your time and money for the dress and all, and now they don't want you in the party? So clearly, you could not wear that dress, and must either buy another or go in something old. I would feel if I brought too much stress to the preparations, I would bring too much stress to the wedding itself.

I would also ask whether the bride wanted to reimburse you for your costs.

Answer 5

Yes be a big girl and go to the wedding. Unless you have some objection to their marriage, or they may have an objection to your being there, then you should go. Remember, brides can get crazy sometimes right before the wedding. Just go and have fun. I would not wear the dress though unless they ask you too. You will need to find another dress to wear.

Or you could sit home and whine like a baby about how you aren't in the wedding party anymore. It is your choice.

Answer 6

The question is actually . . . do you want to preserve this friendship?

If the answer is no, then do not go to the wedding.

If you feel the friendship can be salvaged and you wish to attempt it . . . . write a brief note, apologizing for adding to their stress. Then attend the wedding as a quiet guest.

Since you are related to the groom, you may wish to give serious consideration to continuing the relationship on a friendly basis . . . if for nothing else than to preserve peace in the family. You don't want all the aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. weighing in with their opinions and adding more discord to the situation. You may want to give serious thought to a brief apology . . . something like . . .

"I am sorry for creating stress at this happy time in your lives. I will be happy to attend your wedding as a guest. I wish you both much happiness always. Love, Cousin Amy"

So you may want to be the bigger person . . . won't hurt a bit . . .and it keeps peace in the extended family. Good luck to you, Amy.

Answer 7

I would probably get mad and no go, however I sometimes act before I think and might regret it later. Since it's your cousin, talk to him. Tell him how hurt you are and ask what he's saying you did that upset him so much. Maybe they are just projecting all their stress onto you. However, if this resolves nothing I would just not go. At least you can say you tried. I also assume that you had to pay for a dress that you are now stuck with, and that is just wrong.

Answer 8

It depends. Are you close to your cousin and is she a really good friend? If so, then yes. They may have felt obligated to put you in the wedding party because you were the "matchmaker" and then the bride may have realized she had a friend that would be upset if she wasn't in the wedding party. I say, let it go. If they continue to blow you off and such after they get married, I'd confront them about it.

Not going to the wedding will just cause more problems and in the end, you may regret missing the good time you could have.

Answer 9

I think you should go as a guest or at least send them a gift. I have a feeling that there is more to this story. People don't usually kick someone out of a wedding party unless they are doing something to stress out the bride.

Answer 10

If it were me, I would want to send them a bill now that I'm fired. Sure you did this out of love and the wedding day isn't about you. They get to have it any way they want it. It just shows how little they care about their friends and how much they put themselves first.

I'd skip the wedding telling myself,"I'd probably stress them out if I was there." Then I'd go find myself some friends that aren't so shallow and self-centered. You're worth more than to be used and snubbed. You need to be appreciated more. This isn't your fault. Eventually, you'll get over it and maybe they'll come to their senses when the dust has settled. Good luck.