My stepson has always been a problem and he is in jail right now. He has anger issues, drug issues, and is a pathological liar. Yet, when he's not in jail he goes to his church every Sunday and thinks this makes him the best person in the world. He has been in jail at least 3 times now.
My husband and I are ready to wash our hands of him. He has a little girl and we just adore her. We love seeing her, but are abolutely sick of him. He was kicked out of our house about 6 weeks ago for violence. He pushed my husband down on the tile. We even separated for 6 months because he was abusing my daughter and beating her in the face when he was a teenager.
Do you think it is unchristianly for us to not allow him to move back into our house? My husband has a tendency to be mad and then starts feeling bad and sorry for him. Then, he acts like I'm the bad guy because I don't want to give him another chance. It has happened so many times, I've lost count and patience with him.
2007-07-27 09:42:27 · 19 answers · asked by Soul Shaper 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Everyone has been so supportive! Thank you so much for the good advice. We're not bailing him out of jail. He won't be living here when he gets out.
2007-07-28 03:15:12 · update #1
He went to jail for violence.
2007-07-28 03:26:49 · update #2
Sometimes there are only so many chances somebody can get & it sounds like he used his up.
Your physical, mental & spiritual health are more important than allowing him in your home to live (or to visit!!!- I wouldn't allow that either-- I would only visit with him in a public place with his history of violence).
Addicts have issues.
And unfortunately until they address the issues, going to church (an outer facade) just looks good, but isn't doing anything to fix inner problems. He needs AA, or even better, a good 30 or 60 day rehab program... maybe you could find one while he's in jail for him to enter when he gets out.
He needs counseling for himself & you as a family need to go to Al-Anon.-- they deal with addiction issues (alcohol and drug) and how you can face these issues without guilt and with compassion.
2007-07-27 09:52:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
All you can really do is pray..It sounds like he needs to be seeing a Christian counselor, and maybe you can help him find a Christian half way house until he can really get his act together..People can change, but by allowing him to continue this behavior in your home your family is enabling him...which is not going to help. It is a hard thing to deal with, because as parents you want to try and protect and do the best thing for your child/ stepson.. Tough love can be a good thing, it isn't called tough love for nothing, it is hard on both sides you guys and him... You have a special bond with your granddaughter, arrange some type of visitation and remind him that you just want the best for him. There are a lot of great non-profit, non payment Christian men's homes, that will help him get his life together, they do anger management classes, and try and teach behavioral skills so that he does not repeat going back to jail.. Good Luck.
2007-07-27 09:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by Nicole B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to protect your family. If your husband wants to give him another chance, then pay a deposit on an apartment or something. You don't have to let him back into your home to support him. Trust comes in many levels. You have to figure out what level you can trust him at. Obviously, you cannot trust him in your home, but that does not mean you can't trust him in your life. Perhaps, if he had his own apartment, you could visit him and his daughter sometimes.
You don't say what he goes to jail for. Perhaps he has a mental illness that he needs to deal with. He may not want to go to see a therapist, but perhaps he would be willing to talk to a priest. They are good therapists too.
Hopefully you and your husband will be able to agree on a level of support for your step-son that is ok with both of you.
2007-07-27 09:52:56 · answer #3 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust and privileges within a family are earned by good conduct, especially after a certain point of abuse. I don't think being "Christianly" is a synomym for "doormat and enabler".
Think of it this way: as long as you're letting him get away with this, you're NOT helping him change his ways to be a better person. In fact, you're doing him a grave disservice by permitting him to be an idiot. I'd say it's time to get tough and let him know how many lines he's crossed.
2007-07-27 09:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by prairiecrow 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are all kinds of help and support you (or your husband) can give to this person without letting him live in your home. Letting him live with you is only one kind of support, and not really very helpful to this guy because he's not being truly responsible for his own living space. It may actually do him a bigger favor for you to help teach him to live on his own. If he lives with you, you may be acting as an 'enabler' to use the AA term.
2007-07-27 09:50:00 · answer #5 · answered by KC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there comes a time when you have to set definate boundaries with an abuser - even if they are a family member. You are doing them a disservice by allowing that abuse to continue and doing yourself a disservice by accepting the abuse. That behavior is unacceptable. If you are concerned about not getting to see your grandchild, perhaps you can form more of a connection with her mother. This little girl is being hurt too if she constantly gets to whitness her father get away with this behavior.
2007-07-27 09:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by NONAME 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. Protect your daughter from your stepson.
2. Tell your husband to get over it.
3. Protect your daughter, even if it means getting a divorce.
Your parental duty to protect your innocent child is far higher than any moral obligation (per your religious belief system) to "turn the other cheek" or "forgive."
By all means, forgive him if you wish... but don't let him back in the house!
2007-07-27 09:54:18 · answer #7 · answered by Mike H. 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think it would be worse if you didn't protect yourself and your family. He's into drugs and physical violence, you don't need someone like that in your home. You might want to go to an allanon meeting there are pwople there that know what you are going through and will be able to help.
2007-07-27 09:48:51 · answer #8 · answered by mhireangel 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pray for him, and I would do some serious praying before letting him back into your house. I'm not God but I don't think He wants you living under those conditions. The "Christian" thing to do may very well be to NOT let him back. My prayers are with you.
2007-07-27 09:50:02 · answer #9 · answered by Halfadan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
regardless of that declare, the different is actual, Morals existed long in the previous gods and have been basically corrupted by potential of religion. it particularly is in lots of circumstances proved statistically: interior the US, atheists and agnostics make up in simple terms approximately 20% of the final inhabitants, yet basically 0,2% of the penal complex populations, this implies a non secular guy or woman is one hundred circumstances extra possibly to devote a criminal offense.
2016-10-09 11:12:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋