been datting this great guy for 6 months.He has 2 young children with his exwife who he adoors.At 1st a thought this was great as if we get married he would be a wonderful dad to our children.I understand the kids will allows come before me but the exwife too?For example if his exwife has a "date" and needs him to watch the kids he will change his plans with me to accomudate her(DOES NOT mean he gets to see his kids more which i could understand just gets then on different days) This has happend about 20 times in 6 mons. and not once did he even tell her we have plans he just said "I'd be happy to help you out".He has joint custody and has his kids 50% of the time.But he he never switches days with her we allways have to make plans to do something on the days he does not have his children.
2007-07-27 09:10:17 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
realize his kids come before you, if u cant handle it then ur not right for him.
2007-07-27 09:13:13 · answer #1 · answered by spadezgurl22 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, his kids obviously come first, but what I don't get is why you have to make plans around the kids, why not make plans that include the kids. I mean when and if you get married, you'll have to do that anyway. Instead of going out to a quiet little restaurant, plan a picnic at the park and bring the kids. When the kids run off to the play equipment you two can have a quiet little chat and still keep an eye on the kids. There will be plenty of time for snuggling, etc. later after the kids are asleep. I think after 6 mths. the kids should get to know you anyway - after all, you're a pretty significant part of their dad's life at this point. I think this is something you need to make the first move on too. If you show super dad that you have both his and the kids best interests at heart, he'll be far more appreciative than if you show jealousy that they're monopolizing his time.
2007-07-27 16:24:42 · answer #2 · answered by Rob B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This guy sounds like an upstanding guy. A true gem. Yes I believe with all my heart because number one I am a child of divorce and two I am divorced with three children that the children come first. My ex doesn't come see my kids anymore. Our fifteen year old daughter took a bus to see him. He never help financially more than the courts told him to give. If I want to go away he never takes them for me. To me this is bad. It stresses the kids out, me out and its not good for the kids. You my dear will have to understand one thing if you are going to get involved with a man with children. Your plans mean nothing, your life will revolve around those children before you or whatever children you might have with him because those children came first and its not fare they have to be put on the back burner for you or your maybe future kids with him. Another thing my ex got remarried had three more kids. My kids are so upset. They have been very affected by this. And so will his kids and I think he thinks about this. And I hope he always does. Also think about it financially and understand if you do marry him that if you do want children they are expensive and already has children to pay for school clothes, school trips, doctors dentists, specialists orthodontist. etc. so your kids will get less cus the courts will tell him and you those kids were here first. See I delt with all this. His new wife clearly understands now for her three have nothing and she hates me. and resents the kids we have. See the possible situation now?
2007-07-27 16:22:51 · answer #3 · answered by youcandoit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend sounds pretty great. I can understand him wanting the kids if his ex-wife has a date or any other plans for that matter. I don't think it's okay to change plans the two of you have made that many times. I mean, once in a while would be fine. It also sounds to me that the ex-wife is taking a little advantage of his kindness. You need to "nicely" suggest to him that once in a while is ok, but not all the time. Sometimes men are very naive. Let him subtly know that you guys' plans matter too.
2007-07-27 16:18:25 · answer #4 · answered by Buttons 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Be very careful on the decision you want to make. To continue or stop this relationship.
I think you should definetely talk to him and tell him that you don't mind his children but that his life does not have to revolve around helping his exwife. If you dont get tough with this issue it will get worse. Depending on what he tells you, then you can make your decision on what you are going to do, stay of leave.
Good luck
2007-07-27 16:20:53 · answer #5 · answered by sweetsarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to remember that when his ex wife is saying "I have a date, take the kids" that gives him an opportunity to spend extra time with his children. That doesn't mean he's accomodating her, he just wants to spend time with his kids. If your so upset over this, why not suggest going out to dinner with the kids? Nothing would make him happier.
This is not going to stop, the kids come first..which is completely understandable. If you can't handle it, I suggest you find a man who isn't so tied down.
2007-07-27 16:15:57 · answer #6 · answered by Marissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not "helping her out" to be her buddy; he's being a good dad and wants to see his kids. You will need to get used to this. The ex will always be there, even when the kids are grown, and the kids will too. If you can't handle that, get out now.
2007-07-27 16:13:54 · answer #7 · answered by Yogi 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you know him pretty well. If this is not the kind of relationship that you want, then I suggest you get out. You will always come 2nd to his ex and you will never be able to change him. Good thing you found out before you tied the knot, huh?
2007-07-27 16:14:14 · answer #8 · answered by Y!A P0int5 Wh0r3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like a tough situation you're in. much as it's difficult to accept the situation and not get jealous... you need to ask yourself this question. is it just his nature?
if your guy is good natured & responsible, you can be assured that if things work out between the both of you. he'd offer the same commitment to your & your kids. i'd say he's a rare find.
2007-07-27 16:16:27 · answer #9 · answered by justagirlinasia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should appreciate the fact that he's trying to be a good dad...is this something that is going to be long term or you waiting to see how it goes?
i understand your frustration...he needs to understand that you need your time too...talk to him about it....let him know how you feel and that you admire the fact that hes trying so hard for his kids...
but keep in mind that not many exes can keep a civil relationship after a breakup and with kids involved its even harder....
if you are going to stay with him you are just going to have to accept the fact that he will want his kids when he can have them regardless of whether its his day or not.....
2007-07-27 16:21:01 · answer #10 · answered by Mz Honey 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well they are his kids and he needs to be there for them when he is needed maybe he doesn't want someone else watching them, just see if he could talk to her and tell her she needs to give him more notice. But say it subtle you dont want to start an argument You should be happy they get along so well at least there wont be any conflicts between you guys
2007-07-27 16:28:33 · answer #11 · answered by freckleface 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋