My fiance' and i had a huge fight now what?

Question

My fiance and i had a huge fight last night. And he started to talk about the wedding and how expensive its going to be which its only 10,000 which this day in age isnt that much. I think we are doing pretty good. right? But then he does have some debt he is in . Ive been trying to help him save money so he could pay it off . Hasnt touch any of them. THen he brought up his past saying that he screwed up and all of his friends are well off. And when he said that it made me feel like i wasnt a positive in his life. That really hurt my feelings. I told him today that if he wants to pospone the wedding and buy the things his wants and pay off his debt i would be fine with that. NOW his saying NO he wants to get married. What do i do . Now I am thinking twice about getting married. WHat do i do Help.

Answer 1

u need to give him a little space, and some time to think before you try talking about it again. If u arent sure about where this is going, maybe take a break. but moost couples fighting is money related. its normal. hes just upset because hes in debt, if it was u, u would fell the same im sure, frustrated over your own money situation. you know whats best for u better than anyone. u make the call.

Answer 2

He is just feeling bad about his past screwing things up and being in debt thats all. He just really needs your support to make him feel better thats all. Just be supportive and try to make him feel better. Just let him know that you love him and that you both will get through this rough time. Yeah his friends are well off, but this isnt about them. This is about you and him. So just let him know that everything will be ok. It might take a while to get out of debt but after the wedding you both will save and try to pay it off. He wants to marry you of course. Just feeling a little down. And money problems will do that. $10, 000 isn't much these days for weddings. That is really good. They say that the average wedding costs 40,000. So you both are doing really good with your budget. Plus you will probably get a lot of money at your wedding from guests. So you can put that to pay part of your debt.

Answer 3

Taran,
seems money is always the root of anger before, during, and as you read on Y!A after marriage for some. The best you can do is the best that you ARE doing. You are getting off cheaply on the wedding - he is seeing the $$$ and not the person he wants to marry. This I can only speculate is a temporary thing - he is venting his stress. When you both had the chance to "cool off" get him to sit down in a quiet location when you know you are both not going to be disturbed, turn off the cell phones, tv, etc., and explain to him how he made you feel and that you understand his debt - but that you want to work it out with him and that he should be sensitive to the fact that his "sharp words" pierce.

Your his friend, fiance, and soon to be wife in his life - he can and should start to act like your husband concerned for your feelings and willingness to accept that together you work these things out.

Best of luck to you and have a terrific wedding!

Answer 4

Postponing the wedding is up to you, but if your first thought after a huge fight is to get out of the relationship then I would suggest some couples counseling.

My husband and I have been together for many years, in all the HUGE fights we had (and there have been some doozies) I have never once thought to leave him or divorce him. To me that is a sign that something else is going on.

Yes, money is the cause of most break ups and stress in a marriage, but there are ways to figure it out if you want to.

I would seriously think about why you are getting married in the first place, and then if it is worth saving go to counseling!!

Good luck!

Answer 5

I think you both need to take some time out together away from the wedding plans. A wedding can stress out a saint!
You need to take some time to walk along a beach, go to an amusement park, go away for a weekend. Do something that you guys used to love doing together. Just enjoy each others company and think that is what life was like before the weddingplans came along and hyped everything up.
Then if you like being back to normal, if you still love him and want to be with him, you will know it is only the stress of the wedding and cash to pay up that is getting to him.
That is when you guys are going to have to sit down and think about this whole thing. A $10,000 wedding is still a big expense, especially if he is stressing over debts. Of course he wants to marry you, that much is evident. I think he is just feeling guilty about spending so much cash on what he probably sees as frivolous items, when he has debts to pay.
Being in debt is not a nice way to begin your married life. You must remember that the wedding day is only one day of your life together.....if you go into more debt over it, you will regret it.
There are people who have divorced and are still payin back loans for over the top weddings.
What is important is your love for each other. If you do still love one another and want to get married, then by all means do it. But out of consideration for your man, you need to cut costs. On here every day there are women who have beautiful weddings on very strict budgets. You can still have the day of your dreams but I think you are going to have to compromise to save your man a lot of stress.
He needs to learn not to compare himself to his friends....there is always going to be someone better off than you, but are they truely happy? That is the real question.
A happy marriage is all about compromise, and for you, it may start now, with cutting down on the costs to your wedding. The most important thing about the wedding is the love between two people and the promises they make to one another. Dont lose sight of that.
Good luck to you both.

Answer 6

Well, sure, $10,000 is a lot for one day. But it's worth it for some people. You guys will have fights, this isn't the first or the last time; make up and proceed with the wedding - or, if you feel bad about spending so much, scale back a bit. Whatever you do, put your relationship first, not your wedding.

Answer 7

Your fight is a great example of why the divorce rate is so high in this country. The number one cause is financial reasons. He probably didn't mean to hurt you he just saw himself going down the same path and started to worry his bad money habits would come back to hunt him. I think you should sit down with him and come up with a plan of attack how you two will handle your finances after the wedding. It sounds like if there was a plan he would feel more comfortable.
And don't postpone the wedding. Communication and honesty is the key to a happy marriage. Talk it out with him.

Answer 8

Don't take this personally, he's upset about his debt and probably embarrassed as well. If it honestly doesn't bother you to hold off on the wedding - let him get his pride back. Perhaps he does want to get married, but the cost of the wedding seems steep to him right now in his current situation. I guess you should either wait - or be content with something less extavagant then you're planning. Can you accept either one of those?

Answer 9

Well even though $10,000 isn't much for a weddings these days, it still is $10,000. You need to really talk to your fiance about this issue because you don't want that coming into your marriage with you. Make sure you are both stable emotionally and financially before you take the so called plunge. Good luck.

Answer 10

Well.... do you think you are finacially stable to get married? Getting married won't make your debt go away. Personally, I would try to get out of debt before getting married. I think weddings are overrated anyways. Go away and get married and save the $10,000. I'm sure you are a positive influence in his life, but being in debt is REALLY stressful. He just wants what's best for the two of you.