My sister only calls when she wants something, like when she needs me to keep her children while she goes out somewhere or when she needs to borrow some money. She never calls to chit-chat with me or is ever concerned about me.
I recognized this pattern years ago after we both married and left home and I would call her to say hello. It was always one-way, never both ways until she wanted something.
I have my own family! I no longer available to her.
Am I wrong for calling her out on this (I'm being made out to be the monster in my family for having an attitude about it)? Should I feel guilty for not helping my sister EVERY SINGLE time she wants me to?
The most frustrating part of all of this is that my parents and brothers also say that I have an attitude about it. To me, it seems everybody else can be considerate of everybody else except for me. I deserve respect from my family
In my opinion, my sister is trying to use emotional blackmail to get what she wants....
2007-07-27 06:49:15 · 13 answers · asked by apodosis 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your sister is grown! You are grown! You have a choice to help her or not! No one controls you, but YOU!! You have let her control you in the past and now you have finally chosen to stop her! Don't let her control you by making you feel guilty about your choice either!! Your family should respect your choice and if they don't, so be it!!! It's your decision, so stick to it!
I think everyone has a family member like your sister in their family. I know I do!!! It took awhile for me to wake up like you, but it is such a relief!! Try it, I guarantee, you'll like that feeling. Who cares what the rest of the family thinks... tell them to be at her beck and call!!!
2007-07-27 06:58:16 · answer #1 · answered by Chuki04 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister also only calls when she wants something. She uses her daughter as a pawn to get what she wants and even competes with her own daughter, bringing her emotions down as much as possible. My sister deliberately destroys neighborhoods, having affairs with married men and then tells their wives whenever they don't give her money, she tried to coerce two kids, ages 4 and 6, into talking about sex on video camera just so she could set up the parents and get them arrested. She has ruined the lives of two police officers and many other individuals for a mere personal entertainment.
I refuse to help her as many others do simply because she is lazy, controlling, vindictive, and does not want to do for her and her daughter without the aide of others.
Selfish you are not.
2007-07-27 15:12:16 · answer #2 · answered by tercentenary98 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is between you and your sister. No other family member has the right to tell you that you have to help her. Why don't they do it? Also I would feel the same as you, if you only know me when you need something forget my number. Sad that she feels this way but, she needs a wake up call.
People will on treat you like a door mat if you let them walk all over you.
2007-07-27 14:08:56 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not wrong for standing up for yourself. I'm guessing maybe you're not seeing the entire picture though, just because your family all seems to think you're the one with a problem.
Maybe you just need to find a better, less accusing way to explain your feelings to your family and your sister.
Not everybody is outgoing, I can tell you that I rarely ever call people in my family, but that doesn't mean I don't love them or think about them. I'm just not that kind of person. Maybe she IS taking advantage of you, but you need to find a better way to explain how you feel so that everyone understands you're not just being irrational.
2007-07-27 13:54:45 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she that kind of person in general,or is she just that way to you?If that's just the way she is,sorry,but there probably is'nt any fixing it at this stage in her life.If she's just that way to you,or just to people she's close to,then she might just be guilty of taking her family for granted.Not a good thing,but pretty common,and most definitely fixable.If you think it's just that,show her this question and ask her how she would answer it.A lot of times,people don't know how inconsiderate they're being until it's pointed out to them.Good Luck.
2007-07-27 14:46:14 · answer #5 · answered by M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right to say no when you don't feel like saying yes - your family is probably the same as your sister, so ignore them. Ask her why she doesn't ask one of your siblings for help? Does she pay you back for money borrowed? If not - never lend to her again and remind her she owes you. If she's married, why is she borrowing from you?
2007-07-27 13:55:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, you're not being selfish! It seems to me that you're sister isn't taking care of her business because if things don't go her way, then she would make such a big fuss about it! You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel, and most importantly, be honest about everything! Also, don't make yourself available for her whenever she needs you for something!
2007-07-27 13:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you keep helping her, the cycle is going to continue. Tell her how you feel! Put your foot down. Not everyone else knows exactly how she treats you. Go with your gut feeling.
2007-07-27 13:56:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If thats how you feel you are intitaled to your own opinion. You obviously feel this way for a reason.
2007-07-27 13:53:44 · answer #9 · answered by Jill knows best 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. Time to assert yourself and stop being her personal assistant.
2007-07-27 13:52:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋