How can I help a friend who I think is a compulsive liar?

Question

I am close to somebody who is a compulsive liar, well, I am fairly confident this person is. As much as I want to sever the friendship, I truly think this person needs help and has lost control. It is something I have never confronted my friend about, instead I just sort of "swept it under the rug."

But I think this friend knows that I know I am constantly being lied to. Should I confront? Should I do it tactfully, or firmly and lay out the proof? Is there anything I can do? How should I handle the situation?

(I also posted this in the psych. forum, but I'm hoping to get different perspectives)...Thanks!

Answer 1

I don't think you can help a friend who is a liar. It is an ingrained defense mechanism and part of their personality.

At some point you have to draw the line when it comes to who you will accept as a friend. Someone who doesn't value your right to be told the truth, makes a very poor friend. You can't trust this person and you don't know what she/he will do to you besides lie. Since this person doesn't respect the rights of others, who's to say this person won't steal from you?

You say you are close, but that may not be true. How can you really know this person? You don't know what is true and what isn't.

Lying doesn't benefit the liar. The liar thinks she/he can pull a fast one on others, but sooner or later the liar loses the respect of people that are upstanding. The liar is only accepted by those who are as dysfunctional as the liar. While the liar thinks he/she is getting ahead in life by lying, the liar fails to notice that he/she is locking him/herself into dealing with other losers.

I can tell you a story from my own life. I met a guy who claimed he was a tennis pro. He really had no job and he needed money. He said his father died and he had to go back home to Hawaii. He even faked the crying. I lent him money. He watched me and I didn't know it. He walked through my home to my back deck where I was. He took checks from the back of my check book. He went with me to get money from my cash machine. He tried to learn my password as I punched in the numbers. He stole my cash card and typed in my numbers but repeatedly got them wrong. When I went to use my cash card, the card wouldn't work because of what he did. I called to confirm what he did and I got it on tape as the police told me to. Unfortunately in the next town over, Breckenridge, there was a crooked police officer and he threatened to come to my home and drag me into the police office because calling the criminal to confirm the forgeries was considered harrassment by the criminal. This police officer was known to beat up people. I had to pay for an attorney. There was an arrest warrant issued for this criminal and the case did go to court. I ws totally outraged. I made sure he was arrested and he got jail time. I called his father in Hawaii and told him that his son was telling people he died.

Since this awful experience, I've kept liars at bay.

Answer 2

If you really think you can help your friend, you are going to have to talk to them, and try talking this out. Unfortunately, not matter how much your friend may need help, your friend may not accept help. It is one of the saddest lessons in life that we may not be able to help those who need it, simply because they won't accept it. If your friend does not accept help, you are faced with two choices. Continue to tolerate the lies and risk being pulled down with your friend or get swept up in drama (I do not reccommend this, it sucks); or move on and find more friends limiting contact with or perhaps no contact with your friend. It is true that you should be careful who your friends are, as much as you care about them all. Your friends will influence you on who you are and what you become, but they also can affect how other people perceive you. And unless you want to also be perceived as a compulsive liar, you are most likely going to have to move on. I have yet to meet a compulsive liar who decided to fix it. A sad thing.

Answer 3

If she is a pathological liar or a sociopath she actually believes what she is telling you so she doesn't know that you would think she is lying. If you confront her she won't know what you're talking about because people like that live in their own little world. I've dealt with people like this before.
You can confront her, but my guess is this is deeper than the obvious and she'll deny everything. You're really better off letting this one go.

Answer 4

I hate to tell anyone to end a friendship. She sounds like she needs a friend. But I understand your feelings. It is hard being around a compulsive liar. Many times they never change. If you decide to end the friendship try not to hurt her while doing it.

Answer 5

I had a friend like that once. You can bust em out in a lie a few times, but theyre not gonna quit. Eventually, youll go back to playing along with their lies and then, at a point, your really not going to want to be friends with them anymore, because I know it drives you crazy.

Answer 6

You a enabling your friend to lie to you as long as you don't "call her on it." People will lie to someone habitually until they are caught. Some never learn, i.e. my son. But that is another story.So long as you continue to let your friend lie to you, they will continue to lie. good luck.

Answer 7

great question..you are really in a touchy mode there, because you risk losing them..but, you could do it in a way, like, that people are saying that they lie too much, and you kinda agree sometimes...and ask why they do it...then, let them know that there is no need to lie to you...because it makes you feel like you can't trust them...Good luck..it is a bad situation and I usually ignore it myself...

Answer 8

well if a "friend" is lyin to me i no i can tell by the way they look at me wat u should do is if she lies abot haven a party u no she is call her up on the day and say do u wanna go shopping win she says no say well hope u hav fun at that party and hang up ive done it to three frinds of i make them feel guilty but without sounden lk i no there lyin

Answer 9

you can't. the only thing you can do is let them know that they have a problem and they have to fix it themselves

Answer 10

just start lying constantly right back at her