First Date Self-Consciousness?

Question

I don't know where or who to ask, so I thought I would throw a question out here.

I've been speaking with someone online and via telephone for about two weeks now. Our personalities are a great match and I'm not nervous about meeting someone from online (as I've done it before). I have little nervousness about meeting him, and more nervousness about what he'll think of me. He's seen all face shots of me and thinks I'm pretty and he's taken a liking to my personality, but I'm overweight and I'm afraid he won't look past that. I'm always nervous about that.

I'm seeing him tonight. I know, short notice for advice, but how can I make myself okay with the fact that he may dislike me based solely on my weight issues?

Just a side note because I'm not aware if I can respond to others' comments... I've never LIED about my weight. It simply wasn't brought up. He's seen what most of me looks like, just not the whole picture put together, you know what I mean?

Oh, and I'm not in an "online relationship" we're simply talking as friends. I know that being self-conscious will not help me out, but it's something I cannot avoid.

I've met people from online before and it's gone either way. I'm not obese, I just have some extra weight that I am, personally, uncomfortable with.

So yeah, I've never lied, it's just not something that was brought up.

Answer 1

If you were not up front and honest with him, then YES he will have an issue. The issue is TRUST, not your weight.

Start a relationship with a little lie, and it will never work out.

Do the right thing. ALL THE TIME. NO matter how hard it is. That is probably the only thing that will make you happy in life.

Make the call today, before your date, FESS UP and things will feel much better....

Good luck!!

Answer 2

Does he have any idea of your body size? Ideally, it shouldn't matter. If he dislikes you because of your weight....then was he really worth it anyway? And would you want to be with a guy like that? No, right? If he looks past the weight and you guys have a good time, then be happy and enjoy yourself. If you have led him to believe you are slim, and he sees you and sees that is not the case, there may be trouble. But if weight wasn't discussed, then don't worry about it. But to save yourself the anxiety next time, just send the guy a full body shot....at least you will be able to find out right there and then if he will have an issue with it, rather than dealing with the uncomfortableness that can arise on an awkward date. And remember, if he dislikes you, there is nothing *wrong* with you - nothing you need to *fix*....so dont beat yourself up about it.....move on to the next guy. Good luck and have fun on the date!

Answer 3

I think you should at least warn him about your weight. So when he sees you it won't be such a surprise. Don't just spring it on him, it could put him on the spot and he might react badly. Not the way he would under normal circumstances, then if he was warned or knew. Just call him up and say you weren't completely up front with him about something and tell him.

But a good friend won't care what you look like. Just try to be happy with you are, even if it means a little extra weight. We're all self-conscious about something, we just have to accept it and move on.

Hope this helped and have a great first date with the new guy!

Answer 4

well, i'll be honest, it might come as a shock to him. I advice that in the future you put full body shots, so you know that the guy isn't mislead. Anyway, if he likes you as much as he says, he won't mind. The only problem is that it might take him by suprise, and he won't know how to act. Honey, if he dislikes you based solely on your weight, don't feel bad! He should feel bad, especially if he has the nerve to tell you that's why he doesn't like you. Also, if he tells you that he doesn't think you have chemistry in person, don't like he's talking about your weight, he is probably really referring to the chemistry. What I'm trying to say, is don't look too much into things if they don't work out. Good luck!

Answer 5

Look the weight issue is in your mind. If you make a big deal about it, then he will notice it, but if you are confident of yourself and show him that you are more than just an overweight girl then he will see past it.

Also is your personality and your whole persona about your weight?....I think not so don't make it an issue.

Don't worry if he already likes your personality then you have one big step ahead. Anyway the weight is something you can work on in the future but unfortunately when you are ugly inside....that is very difficult to change.

Good luck on your date and dont worry just enjoy your date.

:)

Answer 6

Its very natural to be a tad bit overconscious bout ur physical appearance but the fact is that the best of ppl do not even notice ur so-called flaws n are themselves trying to make themselves more presentable n likeable... N what makes u think he'll dislike you??? Most ppl have done such embarassing things so freqently n thats the reason confident ppl appeal to every1 so much... Shy n overconcerned ppl only make others feel uncomfortable. They not only make themselves uncomfortable but they make the opposite party feel guilty bout every little thing they do, too. So, just be urself n be very confident n even if u trip or ur nose starts leaking, u'll get him bowled over... Good luck... J

Answer 7

Why would you want to MAKE someone like you in the first place. Even if you were skinny as a rail, you cant MAKE someone like or love you. He has his own free will.

You dont have to marry him, you dont have to have sex with him, you dont have to sell your life away tonight. You're just meeting him for the sole purpose of seeing if its worth it to continue the relationship. Dont make it more than it is.

If your weight is something that worries you, bring it up when you first meet people online. "I am really self concious about my weight." Then its out in the open, and the other person can use their free will to decide what they want, and you're not strung along hoping they will like you.

Dont waste your time. You are valuable, and you are worth a life together with someone. Start acting like it.

Love is a choice we make every day. You can choose to love him if he loves you, or you can choose to like him if he doesnt want that. No biggy.

Go have fun tonight. Just stay in a public place, away from your home. Be smart around people you dont know.

Answer 8

Unless you've lied to him about your weight, he should be okay with it. Don't worry about it, really. I am tall and slender and the man I met didn't like me because of my posture! He didn't like round shoulders. It's all in the man's perspective, and worrying about every little turn-off will only stress you out. Hold you head high, go, and think that he might not be all that you thought he was. What if he is also overweight? Or bald?

Answer 9

I met my wife online 10 years ago when I lived in another state and she is overweight. I never thought I would like someone overweight (go ahead and call me shallow). When I asked for a picture of her before we met, she found the worst picture she could find of herself-- she and three of her friends. The picture quality stunk because our computers weren't that great and we were both on dial-up. I thought, "ummm okay" but it didn't deter me. I got to know her as a person, not as a body, and fell in love with her before we ever met. Then when I moved to Georgia to go to grad school, we met and went out and had a great time. We spent almost every weekend together. In fact you could say I flunked out of grad school because of spending all my weekends with her. In reality I realized what I wanted to do with my life wasn't what I was going to school for and I lost interest. I got burned out and now I'm happy with my career.

Anyway I proposed 2 months after we met in person and we were married 10 months after we met. Actaully now that I think about it it was 10 months and 1 day after we met in person-- Sept. 17-July 18.

So think about it this way. You've been talking online and on the phone and he's gotten to know you as a person. My wife asked me once if I would have given her the time of day if we had met "conventionally." I told her probably not, because I had that prejudice about overweight people. She wasn't hurt because she already knew that. But instead I got to know her as a person and fell in love with her before we ever met in person.

If he already thinks you're pretty and likes your personality, then that's a good sign. But if he gets hung up on your weight, that's his problem, not yours. If it doesn't work out, then don't beat yourself up calling yourself a fat pig or whatever (my wife's done that). All that means is that it wasn't meant to be and God has someone better in store for you. Good luck.

Answer 10

There's no way to make yourself OK with other people's biases. But, to avoid this issue in the future you ought to be upfront about your weight to begin with.

I "dated" through the internet for a long while and never got over the disappointment of men who fibbed about themselves. I'm a bit overweight myself - it's not easy to admit to it, but it's way easier than dealing with the rejection!

Be happy with yourself. :)