Commitments & relationships why is it so hard for people to commit to one another do we love our freedom more?

Question

Nothing stays the same we all know this so how can we keep our relationships from going stale or non-existent because of lack of interest to the NEXT BEST THING

Answer 1

i think it is nothing to do with the freedom....some people love to commit to another as much as they fear it...one example is me. i wanted to be with someone, to let down my guard for someone and to let someone just be there are make you feel precious and vulnerable. but then, i fear it the most as well because never in my life had i let someone be that close to me...iam afraid of being hurt, afraid that that person will not be able to understand me....its not with loving freedom coz you could still be free at some level even though you are committed to someone....it is fear.

Answer 2

Not every relationship is kept burning by the same fuel.
Built trust is a huge factor. Without trust, there is very little stability. This is why very insecure people have difficulties with many of their relationships. Suspicion is like poison.

Here are some positives:
1) Shared values and common interests.
2) Shared goals that are greater than the personal deires of both individuals.
3) Giving each other space when it is needed.
4) Giving each other the freedom to pursue individual interests, yet taking an interest from afar.
5) And let's not forget... remembrance of that spark of attraction that lit the fire to begin with: be it romance, great sex, or the look in the eye that just melts you.

There's a line from a song that I like:
"You think you might need somebody
To pick you up when you drag
Don't lose sight of yourself
Don't let anyone change your bag..."

Answer 3

It seems like less and less people value a true relationship. In the beginning of a relationship, they feel those "butterflies" and a burning desire for the other person. Eventually that wears out. It always does. It doesn't mean that people stop loving each other; but the novelty of being with somebody new is always going to wear off eventually.

What people have to do is commit to a relationship and realize that there will be good and bad. And that they have to stop "jumping ship" for the greener grass on the other side. Things aren't always going to be peachy, but when you get through a hard time together with somebody you love, it makes it well worth the effort.

Answer 4

I don't think it is so much that we love freedom, but that we fear restraint. After all, few do what they could do with the freedom they have. Most seek a kind of familiar restraint with which they're comfortable - such as the parental mistress/mother or love/father. That's reflected for many in a religion or church congregation. We remain children in many ways. A child may like to wander, but all are comforted by the security of the familiar - and few will happily stray freely to strange and unpredictable places, amongst strangers. For most, the adventure of living has to be learned - and in the process the skill of navigation and the self confidence to exercise it without certainty. That's why relationships can only stand between men and women capable of living alone, I reckon - but not all of them, either! Solitariness between occasional oases can be a seductive habit. Relationships stale when we grow stale ourselves - but conversely, as we grow we change, and the person we've become may not be so compatible with the one who has grown beside us - unless we can grow in tandem. If not, part as friends, and find a new adventure, say I! We all find a final nest.

Answer 5

WOW! What a question.. and I'm sure if it was a simple answer... the divorce rate in the USA wouldn't be as high as it is...

Personally, when I married my hubby I loved him so much I couldn't think of life without him.. as a journey, together, we blend well... he brings out good parts of me, and I guess I do the same for him...

Freedom?.. nah... Freedom from anyone elses definition of who WE are.. YES..
.that is a freedom to be reveled in over and over again. To create the world you both love together.

Yes,. that's freedom.

I really don't understand why ANYONE would marry and expect a Long lastng - lifetime companion if they wanted to be Free of anything other than what they wanted out of life...

You have to be flexable to bob and wieve when the the hits come at you.... life is difficult... the question is have you chosen the person who will see the real you through it and help you conquer it as a partner..... because to sign up for a life with a person you question to be 'the happiness for all time'.....is a scary thought..

I think Fear of a doomed relationship FAR outweighs the freedom issue.....

((Note: If there are questions walk away until you KNOW for certain that THIS IS IT!!))

Answer 6

If the commitment means losing freedom, then something is wrong. Because I did not settle for just anyone, and waited for the right one, I DO have a good committed relationship WITH freedom. However, if freedom means having sex with others, then you can't really understand what real freedom is.

Answer 7

I remember the only girl that I truly loved and we started of hot and heavy and everything was great. After time I started putting more attention in work and school, in my mind I told myself that I was doing it for her, so we would have money and she could have the finer things in life. But failed to realize that she just wanted me, she needed me to be there and I wasn't. Looking back I think I might have been doing these things for myself more than I was for her and I feel horrible about it. I know she tried so hard to keep it together, but I just wasn't putting the same amount of energy into the relationship. I thought she would still be there when I was ready to settle down, but she just couldn't do it. I think at times I wanted my freedom but I still loved her, I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. In other relationships I was never really committed to start with, I knew they wouldn't last. I guess I feel that relationships fizzle out for many reasons. Sometimes one of them wasn't really committed in the first place, sometimes it's because of where we are in our lives, and I think sometimes people find something they think is better. It's one of the many wonders of the universe. Someone once told me that freedom is much better when you have someone you love to share it with and I think it's true.

Answer 8

I don't find it hard to stay committed to my wife. Once the novelty of the sex wares off what are you left with? If you had something more than that to begin with, then you have a chance, or if more developed since the sex started.

My wife is my best friend. She's like my right arm. I couldn't get rid of my right arm. I know she feels the same way. Other women may be sexier, skinnier, more athletic, but they're not her. I can't imagine not having her in my life. It's been 12 years now. It doesn't look like it's going to end.

Things may change, but we change together. We grow and learn in life together.

Answer 9

The fear is not about loving freedom more. Fear of commitments & relationships--particularly intimate relationships are so hard because people have put their feelings out there in the past. And they have been hurt. Most of us do not wish to revisit those feelingsppespecially if there were REAL feelings involved, real commitment, real intimacy and real for whatever it's worth "feelings of love". That's not hard to understand when we don't intellectualize our feelings and really say what's going on emotionally--passion, real passion and allowing ourselves to be vunerable enough to experience it with another--no reservations--is more than a notion, Rena.

Answer 10

This makes no sense. You just said, "nothing stays the same", so then by default, wouldn't that mean that our relationships also don't stay the same, which means they are changing, and so how could they get "stale" if they're always changing?
You can still be in a committed relationship, and have freedom. The two are not mutually exclusive.