My husband and I are having our wills and a trust set up. The issue of who will take care of our children is a problem. The first choice would be my parents but they are getting up in age and have health issues. My husband's mom is even older, in her mid eighties. The only other person would be my sister . I'm not completely comfortable with that choice because she is not a "kid person". She made the choice years ago not to have children because she said her career was not conductive to having children. She is a believer in "seen but not heard".
She has said that she would take care of the kids and they would be well provided for and well educated (she is a professor at a university) but I still wonder if their emotional needs would be met. Would she get on the floor and play dolls for example?
Has anyone had to make this decision? What did you do?
2007-07-27 05:48:06 · 10 answers · asked by 4532 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
That sure is a tough one. Siblings and parents aren't the only choice, however. You can choose a cousin or even a close friend that you think would be better than your sister. It doesn't sound like your sister would give the kids the emotional care you would want. It may be a good idea, though, to use her as executor of the trust fund. She sounds like she would be sensible about what they used it for and the new guardians and kids won't have to fight over whether the kid can or cannot use the money for a trip around Europe or a "gnarly" car.
2007-07-27 06:46:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recently had to make this decision in regards to my daughter. I now have another one on the way and I'm going to have to re-visit my decision.
I actually chose a very good friend of mine. My parents are divorced. My mother is not really good with kids, she's more interested in drinking and her husband; and my father and his wife are too interested in having nice things and a house to want to 'take' my daughter. Those were huge slaps in the face.
I have two sisters, one isn't quite 19 and one is 9 so they are out. They both live with their mom (they are my dad's). So at some point, I might ask my older sister to do it. But for now, it rests with a good friend of mine. He's in his 40's and has no children of his own with a great job, etc.
I'm not sure whom else you can look into- perhaps an aunt, your husband's siblings, aunts, a close friend, etc.
Good luck!
2007-07-27 06:08:24 · answer #2 · answered by I ♥ old VW's 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have not had to make this decision and I see this as a very difficult one to make. I would like to say that your sister, Im sure would step up and be the parent that she knew you wanted to be for your children. She has her career, but if your family is anything like mine, family is first. You should really talk to her about it, and Im sure she will do a great job carrying out your wishes the best that she's able to if the unfortunate situation arose. Your parents might not be ideal caregivers for your children, but they would be there to herlp your sister in providing the emotional needs that the kids require. I hope this helps. Good luck.
2007-07-27 05:54:33 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy Pants 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
. what you want to do is have them stay at your sisters house for say like a week. when they came back did they have a good time did she spend time with them what. also i think it is best to choose someone who is the most like the two of you. if somthing happens to ya'll (I pray that is doesnt) you will want them to be with someone who will remind your kids of you. think about it. give out all the choices it may not have to be your sister. Watch Raising Helen maybe it will give you some insight to things. Also there is anouther movie comming out called no resorvations. i havent seen it but it deals with a situation kindof like that. Remeber these are just movies but they can help you in some kind of way. good luck and God Bless
2007-07-27 05:55:04 · answer #4 · answered by jlovemealways21 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My choice at the moment for me is my parents. They're around 50. I had my son when I was 19 though. Apart from my parents, I don't know anyone. I am an old child, and am not close to any friends or anyone.
2007-07-27 05:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by ~*Isabel*~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something all parents no doubt give great thought to.
Tho i have a big family none of them i would choose to raise my children as i disagree with small little things i see them do wrong with their own. Then im stuck with the understandding that im not going to think anyone is suitable to bring up my babies cos the truth is you dont want to admit anyone can do your job and in truth they cant, the children only have one set of parents and no one can justify that.
With that in mind i take a step back and watch who my children are extremely fond of and my kids eyes light up at the sight of my sister yet i do not agree with the way she brings up her children, she is not nasty, i just have a difference of opinion on things. If anything was to happen to me then it would be my sister i chose as tho she isnt perfect no one is going to be. No one can make up for the loss of someones parents but i rest assured that if anything was to happen to us as parents whoever took them on would make all that extra effort to make up for what our children have lost.
2007-07-27 06:05:34 · answer #6 · answered by Angie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was lucky, my brother and his wife have a 7 year old son and are amazing parents. I know if anything ever happened to my husband and I my daughter would be in good hands.
2007-07-27 05:53:43 · answer #7 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well not to be bringing up religion here but if you baptized your children it should be the god parents. Your sister is another matter. You should talk seriously with her about it if you are considering her as a parent for your children should anything happen to you. Talk to her about how you would want your children raised and if she is unable to do that then leave it be. Your parents, although aging, would then be your best bet.
2007-07-27 06:00:09 · answer #8 · answered by twinkie.2006 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
We asked my brother. He is a wonderful, stand-up guy. It'd bea stretch for him financially. And he has some health issues. But he is far and away our first choice. .... His answer was "I'd be honored." ... We are truly blessed. Knowing there's someone you trust with your child that can and would step in is a blessing.
2007-07-27 06:24:14 · answer #9 · answered by Barb B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your lucky, when i did this ,my choice, said sorry don't want to. That was my PHD brother. Your lucky and don't know it.
2007-07-27 05:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by kim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋