Should I just stay quite?

Question

Ok, I married a guy who has two brothers. Both are in relationships and both were the best men at our wedding a few months ago. One of them and his girlfriend got a a very nice and expensive wedding gift. The other one and his girlfriend got us NOTHING. Now the one who got us the gift is getting married in a few months. The one who got us nothing asked the other day what we are getting the other brother for a wedding gift because he wanted to get them something nice too.
This really made me mad. I wanted to say something to him about it but my husband told me not too. The other thing is, two days after out wedding they bought a themselves a new tv that cost 600 bucks, then got themselves a new entertainment center a week later. We still have not received a gift. When his girlfriend asked if I liked our gift I said " what gift," she said "well we have up to a year to get you something." Would you be mad? How can I let it go or should I say something.

We are getting a gift for the brother that got us a gift, the brother that did not get us a gift, wants to know what he should get them. So basically, he is to cheap to get us something, but will get the other brother something.

The only reason I feel owed is because they complained about the cost of the tuxes and other things they needed to pay for, so we covered the charge for them. Apparently a 100 bucks for a tux and 50 bucks for a batchlor party were alot of money too them. Until they had to buy themselves a new TV and entertainment center.

Answer 1

Just a thought--you said the bum bro told you he wanted to get them something nice. You don't know he didn't say before your wedding that he "wanted" to get you something nice too. It doesn't mean he is planning to or even that his intentions matter. Perhaps he just doesn't want to say "no I'm not getting them anything" b/c people often exaggerate how much they spent on others. Also, he said he wanted to get them something nice. You have no idea what his "nice" is--he might be talking a couple pot holders here. Don't fret.

You shouldn't be mad. Every family has someone in the family who is an embarrassment. You marry into a family, you have to take on their family bum. How they spend their money is of no concern to you. You don't even know they can afford that tv and entertainment system. He may be in debt so bad he will be filing bankrupcy soon. Not your concern.

However what does sorta concern me is the fact that they asked how you liked the gift--as if they thought you got something. I'd hate for them to be mad that you didn't send a thankyou, you to be mad they didn't send gift--and really there was a problem here. My husbands groomsmen and one of his best friends is our bum. He didn't get us anything but lied for months about how he left it at his house and was going to bring it. This not 2 years since we spent hundreds on his wedding. Hey--it happens. Do you not remember being single and screaming that men were worthless jerks?

My family has the one that shows up 3 hours late for things. Like Christmas has been postponed 3 hours for her to arrive and the one year we went ahead and ate without her, she was 4 hrs late and SHOCKED that we had eaten already.

Seriously you should let it go. Your husband says you should and its his brother. Perhaps his brother is always like that and your husband expected it. Now if he and this gf happen to get married, I wouldn't spend much money on them. But every family has one. Don't let it get to you. His family probably all knows and expects this behavior and soon you will too.

Answer 2

I went thru that exact same thing!! I had a really close friend of ours that didn't get us a gift, I couldn't believe it!! That is a very hard thing to let go.

While she is correct and they have a year to get you something, it is still very inconsiderate - if they lived overseas or something that would be a good excuse for waiting that long, but you say that they are buying themselves nice things, while they not only a) did NOT get you a gift, but b) you had to cover their costs for your wedding??

And am I understanding this, the G/F brought up the fact that they did not get you a gift by ASKING IF YOU LIKED YOUR (nonexistant) GIFT? And then says they have up to a year to get you one??

I would get the brother something really, really nice. Not just expensive, but something that you put a TON of thought into. Then when Christmas or something rolls around (or hopefully the cheap, tacky and thoughtless brother's wedding), get them a really crappy card from the 99 cent store and sign your names to it.

Answer 3

Let it go.... what can you do? Obviously the girlfriend thought her boyfriend got you guys something other wise she wouldnt have asked if you liked the gift. It stinks, but a wedding isnt about gifts, it's about getting married.

If you really need to bring it up don't mention the fact that they bought themselves something....you never know, their TV could have died or something... what you can say is this "what is so special about this brother that you have to get him a gift, but not your other brother (your husband)?"

Here is another thought....maybe they shipped you something from online and it got lost, and if that is the case they should be told because their paid for something you never got. (but given the girls response that is probably not the case.)

Answer 4

You have got to be kidding, right? This has to be one of the most selfish questions I've ever heard that wasn't a joke. You're actually getting upset over a gift? It's just a gift! Did you get along with them before you realized they didn't give you anything?
If you continue to base your relationships on what people give you, you're going to be very unhappy for a long time.

Answer 5

Whether you are in the right or wrong doesn't matter. Some people believe you are being selfish, others believe you have a right to be upset. The main thing is.. if it's eating away at you there's no hiding it. You may be able to let it go for now but one day it will erupt in the worst way. My advice is to talk to your husband about having a talk with them about how you felt about the situation. Don't say things that will put them on the defensive and get upset, just let them know your feelings. It's better to get it out in the open and move on than to keep it bottled up. Good luck!

Answer 6

Family does what family does and they're still yours. It seems unkind of them not to have given you a gift (and it sounds like the girlfriend didn't know there hadn't been a gift. If she asked how you liked their gift, she must have assumed they gave one.), but there's nothing you can do about it. He will always be your husband's brother, and you will be spending many, many years in his company. Do your best to let it go, especially as that is your husband's wish. And, they may still come up with a gift...

Answer 7

I know it's annoying, but let this go. Wedding gifts, while traditional and obviously welcome, are not absolutely required at all. What's more, I'd say from the way they're acting they have some sort of issue they've decided not to actually share with you. In the longrun, their making jackasses of themselves and it's going to harm them more than you.

Find an outlet for the frustration, then do your best to concentrate on other, happier things.

Oh, and don't be so sure they're getting a gift for the other brother until you see it with your own eyes. My guess is they'll flake on him, too.

Answer 8

Why would she ask you if you liked the gift if she hasn't got you one yet. That doens't make since.

As for saying something, it is not required that anyone give you anything. For whatever reason, they didn't. It's rude that they are now asking what you are getting the other brother. Just be the bigger person and don't let them know it bothers you. In the end, you don't want to be known as the one who caused a scene because of someone else's rudeness.

Answer 9

I think you should let it go, it does not matter what you get as long as you had a great day. Maybe they just forgot and she only said that she has a year to still her guilty conscience. It is best to keep the peace I don't think that you and your husband should get in a fight about something so useless.
Congrats on the wedding, I hope you will have many years of happiness

Answer 10

I agree that a gift should be given freely and not expected.

I don't agree with that "we have a year to get you something" line she gave you. It's a cop out, especially when you told her flat out you didn't get a gift when she asked how you liked it. She didn't know, but should have been embarrassed.

I'd be upset, but there's not much you can do about it. Be a better person and don't sink to their level. Go and enjoy the wedding and don't discuss gifts with the other two. They are obviously self centered.