I am getting married in October and my future sister in law, whom is a bridesmaid in my wedding, wants to bring her friend and husband to the wedding to watch their almost 2yr old son. My fiance and I don't even know these people she wants to bring. I just don't understand why her son can't sit with a family member during the ceremony??!?!?!?! The venue we booked is priced on 100 people not 102 or more. We cut our guest list as it is to stay at the 100 mark. What should I do? Stand my ground and say nope they can't come or deal with it and have these strangers there to have a "free" weekend on us?
2007-07-27 04:35:31 · 19 answers · asked by beth v 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Stand your ground. Actually - this is for BOTH you and your husband to tell her politely that the answer is no.
If she balks, then she should be told that she has 4 choices.
1. Accept "no" for an answer, be a bridesmaid and have Jr be in the hands of a family member for the 45 minute ceremony.
2. Withdraw from being a bridesmaid and she can watch Jr.
3. Withdraw from the wedding entirely and stay home to watch Jr.
4. Pay for her friends to come and watch Jr. including their travel, hotel, meals, entertainment, and reception.
But to invite strangers to your wedding - at your expense - for her convenience is way, way out of line and out of the question.
As a bridesmaid she should be aware by now of how you've had to struggle to cut people off the guest list. We're talking about people you know and care about and would have WANTED to be at your wedding - so adding 2 strangers to the list to make it convenient for a bridesmaid is way, way out of line.
That is, if SHE wants to pony up ALL the costs - including travel, hotel, meals - and your catering bill for the extra 2 guests.
2007-07-27 04:50:43 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it the sister's husband or the friend's husband she's wanting to bring? If it is her own husband, I think he should be allowed to come. Most people, including the wedding party, expect to be able to bring a guest to weddings. Take a second to breathe, and try to step back and look at it from her point of view. Is it really extremely important that her husband doesn't come? If it's the friend's husband, say no to him but consider saying yes to the friend. Is one more person really going to affect your wedding? Chances are not everyone that you invited will show up anyway (whether they RSVP or not), so you shouldn't have a problem with going over your limit. Pick your battles, especially since she is part of your family now. Why would they be having a free weekend? Make it clear to her that you're not obligated to house them, feed them, or transport these other people. Good luck with the wedding!
2007-07-27 05:05:53 · answer #2 · answered by daisy2017 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her what you told us...sossy but you already had to cut down the guest list to fit the venue, you cant bring in extra people like that, especially those you dont know. there will be plenty of family there to watch you son. if she makes a big deal out of it then she is just being childish and your better off without her. this isnt her wedding to invite people to. this is your wedding and if your cutting out people you want there why in the heck should you make room for people she wants there?
2007-07-27 07:42:44 · answer #3 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say no and stand your ground. You need to put her in her place otherwise she'll be imposing her will on you for the rest of your married life. Her son should be left at home with a sitter or he can sit with a family member who has already been invited. She's rude and inconsiderate to have the nerve to invite someone to your wedding.
2007-07-27 06:36:45 · answer #4 · answered by Bella 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should simply explain to her your situation, that you have planned for 100 people and no more, and tell her you are sorry but they just cant come. Ask her to arrange that the kids sit with a family member or if she is sutbborn suggest that she leave the kid with her friend and husband. If she continues to insist that these people come to the wedding you can suggest that she pay for the accomidations for the two (she woulnt like that and might back down and give in to one of your suggestions).
2007-07-27 04:44:18 · answer #5 · answered by Little Flower 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Totally impropper to impose those people on you.
Let your fiance handle her and be firm to tell her that the wedding is by invitation only and that all the RSVPs are in and you will be unable to accomodate some else.
or
You can tell her you want your wedding to be for friends and family only and would like to keep it intimate and special with only the people that you really care about in attendance.
Also, offer to pay for a baby sitter for the child.
Good luck
2007-07-27 04:43:14 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sure stand your ground and have her resent you forever. Or you can just be cool and allow her to do what she needs to feel comfortable. Being a bridesmaid is irritating and stressful enough without the bride being completely unaccommodating. Sure it's a lot for her to ask but sacrifice is what being in a family is all about. A wedding isn't just the joining of two people in love. It's the joining of two families and you don't want that marked with resentment. If it was your own sister would you do it.
2007-07-27 04:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by firefly 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I would tell her no,,,the son can sit with any of a number of family members. Tell her you had to cut out so and so to keep within your limits, and if you were going to expand the guest list, you'd prefer it be for one of those people you had to leave off, not someone you don't even know.
2007-07-27 04:49:36 · answer #8 · answered by melouofs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stand your ground. Be polite, but firm. Remind your future sister-in-law that there is limited space and her friends cannot be accomodated.
The child can sit with another family member during the service. If your FSIL wishes to hire a sitter, then she should do so out of her own pocket and in her own home.
'I'm sorry, we simply don't have the space to accomodate your friends, but I'd love to meet them another time.' Lather, rinse, repeat.
2007-07-27 04:44:01 · answer #9 · answered by gileswench 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let her know that they can not attend. That you would have liked for them to be able to but that there is a limit of 100 people and you are already at that limit. Let her know that you are sure a family member will watch him durning the cermony or is she welcome to hire a baby sitter. If she gives you any crap about it, tell her that this is an important day for you and there is not need to argue.
2007-07-27 04:51:37 · answer #10 · answered by Va princess 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋