She plans to be with her parents, he comes back "I made plans 4 us to be with mine," She had made hers in advance,but if he talks to his parents the night before she is expected to do what he says or he raises holy Hades with her until she calls her 82 yr old parents & cancel.Then when she gets out to his parents house, they complain that they do not see them enough & to come out more often..yet she sees her parents once in a blue moon! Does this seem fair to you? Especially when SHE cleared out all of next week "Just to spend time with HIS family" & then they still expect her to set aside time in the following week to do things with them! She, is having a baby and has to get older son ready for school and there are Dr.s appointments to go to & school clothing & supplies to buy, ect ect. YET she is the bad guy because son, who will also be busy, has to go with her. Yet they just saw them the bloody week before! & there is not enough time before school starts!Does it seem fair?
2007-07-27 04:26:08 · 12 answers · asked by Midnight Winter WOLF 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
What makes this worse is that SHE was expected to rearrange her schedule just to be with his family.That included canceling and rescheduling ALL of her Dr's appointments & she has a heart problem! When she called the FIL, he replied, "That is wonderful! Great, fabulous! I will tell your mom-in-law & we will fill up your free time with activies!"
Mean they will sit on their bums at the in-laws house & be bored out of their minds for the entire time.
2007-07-27 08:05:56 · update #1
I get where you are coming from and it is definitely not fair, men expect women to leave their parents behind after we say "I do" yet the Bible clearly says that the man must leave his parents to go start a new family with his wife...... You should tell him that you guys have to make plans to be with your family as well if he does not like it, tell him that you will to your parents when he goes to his. Life is too short to cut your parents out of it... You should politely tell his parents that you also have parents and that they should take that into consideration as well. I know the feeling cause I have also been there where you are now and I asked my fiance to please consider my feelings as well and he did we now spend equal time with my parents and his... Good luck
2007-07-27 04:38:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. You should tell him how you feel and if he raises holy hades, just let him and then do the same right back. My husband's parents and mine live in different states, so when we live in the state that either set lives in, we've both agreed that we would spend a certain amount of time with them. I tell him, I'm going to see my parents, you don't have to come if you don't want to. Try something like that, or saying I'm not going to see your parents again until you come visit mine or at least let me see them more often. We split holidays between our parents so we try to make things equal for ourselves and our children. A relationship should be about compromise as much as possible.
2007-07-27 11:32:10 · answer #2 · answered by katesolo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the husband is a MOMMY'S BOY. It is not fair and there is a problem, it could be with him and her family. The best solution may be to put together a party at her place inviting both parents. If all goes well, do it again shortly afterwards. After a few of these whatever tension there might be between him and her parents may ease. If it doesn't or he prevents the party from happening, counseling is needed.
2007-07-27 11:32:50 · answer #3 · answered by BS_answers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It definitely is not fair. This I fear is destroying your marriage. It is about you and your husbands relationship. What the inlaws or even your parents say is not as important as you two and your communication about how you see your marriage. Evidently it is deeper than simply the schedule and visits with parents . It might be lack of respect. I suggest you set up a quiet dinner with your husband. Write down your issues in a way so he can read and see how unfair it is and then ask him simply what his goals are and what he needs. He should say' I just want everyone to be happy' of course. Then you can elaborate on your limitations to doing all that he has been asking for. Set up some rules like
a. we will consult with each other before making dates with parents. If another invitation comes in after commiting to one set of parents, that will not be honored ( as in any social situation) I just think guys get it more if on paper.
Then
b. list the household jobs you do and how you arent making it and which could he help his pregnant wife with ( dont ask him later to drop off baby at child care ( after it is born) since guys are not wired for that sort of thing as we read every summer in the paper of their forgetting-not their fault they are not as wired for child care as women are)
c. suggest that since this is driving a wedge between you, you BOTH cancel seeing your parents and go out to dinner instead with your little family and stop listening to your manipulative parents. You wont do that to your children. Anyone who loves their children does not complain they do not see them enough.
2007-07-27 12:15:45 · answer #4 · answered by barthebear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents and family should not be used as an excuse to fight and control each other. The marriage brings both to being an added family who is extension of both parents on the subject of marriage ....people are not objects and marriage shouldn't prompt a sudden family war.
My answer is no if that is going on.
2007-07-27 11:56:49 · answer #5 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go see your parents. They won't be around forever. Stand up for yourself and if hubby has a fit, so what. He is being selfish.
Congrats on the baby!
2007-07-27 11:37:32 · answer #6 · answered by boredatwork 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it isn't fair. so what if he raises hell! He gets mad, he'll get glad again. It's YOU letting him get away with this and it will continue til you put your foot down and stop it!! You will regret not stopping it when you loose one or both of your parents and realize you didn't spend enough time with them while they were here!!!
2007-07-27 11:31:47 · answer #7 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"She" needs to put her foot down! Older parents won't be around forever. Make the plans tell him you're going and stick to it. He will either like it or lump it. Good Luck.
2007-07-27 11:31:27 · answer #8 · answered by bluebird 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it doesn't. Call your mom and have her pick you and your son up for a visit, or your dad.
Let them ring the doorbell, say hello and walk away for your visit. There should be no argument, and no advance discussions.
2007-07-27 11:30:31 · answer #9 · answered by Marissa Di 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just because HE wants to spend time with HIS family, doesn't mean YOU can't spend time with yours.
go your separate ways, if you have to.
it's not against the law to visit people separately.
do what pleases YOU for once... go see your family.
2007-07-27 11:30:47 · answer #10 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋