sexual tension with male coworker, how to handle?

Question

he is 43. i am 25. he is in IT. I am in HR. I started 6 months or so ago. I always thought he was attractive but old and and kind of gruff. plus, he was obnoxious if i ever asked for help. so i basically ignored him, didnt say hi whatever. i figured he just didnt like me in any way. he would sometimes say hi and i would be rude because i thought he was obnoxious. then one day, i called him on it. he said he was trying to be funny and is just like that. i told him off a little. around that time, i could ALWAYS see him looking at my boobs and butt. we've become somewhat friendly. he blushes sometimes when we joke around, has tripped embarassedly started, saying hi, and wearing cologne. it seems he is attracted to me but kind of like squelches it. i dont know how to act around him and it makes me feel awkward. i want to be friendly and cool but dont want him to think/know i like him, nessecarily, esp. if he has a gf or doesnt like me or thinks he is too old/doesnt want to date a coworker?

Answer 1

You ignored him or was rude whenever you saw him, now you are wanting to be friendly but afraid he is getting the wrong idea?

First things first. Socially awkward men are always clumsy in how they handle things. Second, you sound like you are single, so single means--available. Third, he has a mechanistic way of thinking, in the algorithm of his mind, he is thinking that you are interested. Finally, getting any man not to notice prominant features of female anatomy, particularly one who is unattached, is impossible. Socially-adept men can pull it off to common perception, but, trust me, their peripheral vision is perfect and they will talk up what they see when among men just like more overt mister 'oogles'. Remember note number one--he's socially clumsy.

Stop him sometime when there is no one else around, "If I may, I need to say something. We seem to have a problem with personal signals here and I want to clear the air. I don't want to, or like to, be rude or gruff with you. But I don't want to appear, or make you think that I am available to you. With that said, can I assume that you are not really interested in me, and can I also assume that if I smile at you that I'm not telling you I am interested, in that way, in you? Can I clear that issue from our personal perceptions when we meet here at work, please?" Of course, he will say he was never interested "in that way," but the message will be placed and the air cleared. At that you may be able to more comfortably be your normal cheery self at work when he is around.

Answer 2

Well first off. Most companies frown on office dating because if it doesn't work out then life is even worse off than it was there can be work issues some people just can't seperate home and work blah blah expect favors and unethical crap.

THAT being said. If you do actually like him and want to go out. For some people age is a factor but not always. Really all that matters is what you and he think. Have a huge party or something and invite him as a guest or a bowling night for work when everyone can just relax just casually throw out you can bring a girlfriend or friend or whatever and see who or if he brings anyone. If not just say oh your girlfriend couldn't make it tonight? Or at work if he makes some dirty guy comment (which you know is a joke and you laugh) just say.. You kiss your girlfriend with that mouth? Something that brings out if he is dating, has a wife or just a booty call chick.

If however you DON'T want anything to happen with this guy. And you do feel age is a big issue. In some recent conversation just make a statement like. You know, Its nice having a guy friend to talk to who isn't trying to get in your pants (even though he prolly is) It tells him you think of him as a friend and NOT dating material for you.

Good luck

Answer 3

Let's think for a minute here. You don't know if he's single - he's almost 20 years older than you are - he stares at your T&A - is this guy really "bring him home to mama" material?

IF you still decie that you like him, and IF it's acceptable in your workplace to date coworkers (some places really frown on it), ask him to go to lunch with you. That's a pretty safe way of getting to know more about him.

Realize that office romance sounds like a great idea until somebody wants out - and then you have to see that person every business day unless you change jobs. If you decide to pursue something, my advice is to keep it as quiet as possible for as long as possible. Otherwise every coworker you have will be in your business.

Answer 4

Temporary sexual tension between two co-workers is perfectly normal...however, developing a scewed perspective about it and taking it beyond that is not only problematic...it's extremely unadvisable.

We've all been experiencing crushes since grade school and certainly don't go off with everyone we think is cute.

Best advice I can give you is...,enjoy the "sexy" feeling for a few days, laugh it off, and then go on with your life. The last thing anyone needs is to get embroiled in a romance in the place where you earn your livelyhood.

Answer 5

You are in HR and should know that office "romances" are a bad idea and usually taboo. If he's always looking at your boobs and butt, that can be construed as sexual harrassment. You would be better served by keeping everything with him on a purely professional basis.

Answer 6

these kinds of things are normal in todays corporate world what you have to do is concentrate on your work & try to be away from that guy
if you still cant get out of this then find a better job till the time handel that guy i know you can do it best of luck

Answer 7

Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Take all that sexual energy (and surge of confidence) and find someone outside of your work place to use it on.

Good luck!

Answer 8

MY HONEST FEELINGS IS THAT YOU HAVE FALLEN FOR HIM AND YOU ARE NOT BOLD ENOUGH TO ACCOMMODATE HIS ADVANCES. BE HONEST WITH YOURSEF. IF YOU LIKE HIM, WHY NOT ACCEPT HIM. WE COME TO LOVE, NOT BY FINDING A PERFECT PERSON, BUT BY SEEING AN IMPERFECT PERSON TO BE PERFECT.

Answer 9

run!
office anything is not a good idea