Do you think people should live together before they get married?

Question

My boyfriend and I spend every night together but still have our own places. We have agreed not to live together before we get married but are still together all the time. Do you think we're doomed? What are some of the biggest surprises about moving in with someone that you've found out?

Answer 1

Well if you wait till marriage than it will be better because u cant back out. If you just move in together and then see it cant work than youve ruined ur relationship. TRUST ME!!! just wait.

IT was better when i got married. and sweetie there is always going to be things that you find out about him that are going to shock you. JUS DEAL!!
Best wishes tho.

Answer 2

My boyfriend of a year and I recently moved in together, but with roommates. It's nice because we aren't ready for marriage and having roommates really takes the pressure off it just being us. The most common reason people break up after moving in together is money problems, so make sure you can afford the place you get, and have some serious talks about whose going to do what and what is expected from both parties. I don't agree with all these people saying that it's better to wait until you're married so you can't back out. That's just trapping a person. It's definatly a good idea to know if you can even live with someone before you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone.

Answer 3

When you move in with someone, then you share everything including the responsibilites of the house. You have to share cooking, cleaning, dishes, washing clothes, etc. You have to set up rules in the beginning on who's going to do what since you aren't just a guest at the other's place anymore. Also, once you move in together, there is no place to run to get out of each other's hair. If you get in a fight now, you can still go sleep at your place by yourself.
I think it depends on the couple, and if they can handle living together before marriage. I don't think it should be a requirement that you live together before marriage, but I think it's ok. It's good for some people because they can start laying the ground work on how they are going to live as a married couple. Some people don't know how to give and take in a relationship and living together forces you to do that, for good or bad.

Answer 4

It's a personal choice.

I do think it's acceptable to live together during the engagement period. But, not before.

If you aren't engaged or planning on getting married, living together might be a bad idea. What happens if you break up?

If you are planning on getting married, I think moving in during the engagement period is great. You need to make the transitiion from your former living situation into the one with your spouse.

Having a wedding is very stressful. I would not want to spend 6-12 months planning a wedding, then get married and then all of a sudden start living together the day after the wedding.

I think you need a little more transition time.

But, if you don't want to live together. That's your choice too.

Answer 5

They say you shouldn't live together before marriage because you can "back out" or just leave when things get bad and if in the future you were to get married, this could be damaging.

It really depends on the couple. My fiance and I moved into together after we got engaged, and even though it was tough at times, we were never like, "oh my god what am I doing?" We worked it out, just like we would have done if we waited to get married.

Sometimes I think how much more exciting it would be to move in together only after marriage...but if it were really bad, it might add to the post wedding blues.

You should definitely make sure you are committed if you are going to move in together, maybe even talk about marriage beforehand.

The biggest surprise in moving in together was how much "quiet time" he needed. He likes to read books alone, he doesn't like any bother when he's working...and this takes up a lot of his time. So this took some getting used to...I knew he was an introvert, but I didn't know to this extent. How could I have known this if I only saw him when we were are out on dates or out with our friends?

Answer 6

I think it is a personal decision everyone has to decide for themselves, there is no right or wrong answer. I plan on moving in with my boyfriend, but 2 of my best friends are definitely waiting til they are married because they feel it will be more special or mean more once they are married. I think as long as you know this is the guy you are going to be with though then it won't hurt to move in, you probably already feel like you live together. A good quote for this question is, "don't live with someone because you can, live with them because you can't live without them." And if this is true for you guys then move in together. Another idea, more like a compromise, you wait and move in together once you get engaged.

Answer 7

Relationships who live together before getting married are less likely to last. This is unclear if that is because of the dynamic of living together without a clear commitment has a detrimental effect on the couple's confidence with each other, or if the kinds of people who live together first are also the kinds of people who get divorced. There seems to be little impact on the success of the marriage if the couple moves in together once they are engaged.

I think that it is wise not to live together. If you're kind and flexible, it's not that difficult to get used to the other person (unless one or both of you are jerks and self-centered)... You adjust -- and it's really wonderful to be at your wedding and know that you are now going to be together.

I wouldn't spend every night together at this stage either -- why would he be motivated to marry you if he's already got what he wants -- and without all your stuff in his space??? A man sometimes needs a little push to be honorable and valiant. You're not requiring that of him by staying with him all the time.

I don't think you're doomed...

Answer 8

I think that when people move in together without a serious commitment it can cause troubles.



I think that if you are engaged, and you are positive that you will marry this person then moving in together does not cause problems because you are in it for the long haul. Honestly, if you spend every night together, then you probably are getting a good idea of what each other is like. When you spend that much time together, you are bound to catch the other person's bad moods or bad habits.

When my husband and I started dating, we kept our own places, and (like you) spent every night together. After about 8 months we got engaged, and then a few months after that, we bought a house and moved in it together. We were married a little less than a year later. I found nothing surprising about moving in with him because we had spent to much time together prior to living together.

I hope this helps :)

Answer 9

I would say don't do it... statistics show that couples that live together before marriage have a higher risk of divorce. Besides, there will always be little things that you didn't know about each other that will come out as time goes on... you need to be able to communicate with each other and work through those differences. The first years in marriage are the most difficult, but marriage is always work.

Answer 10

I think EVERYONE should live together before they get married, then maybe there wouldnt be so many divorces. You find out so much about someone by living with them. I didnt realize how lazy my ex was till we lived together. We had plans on getting married within two years, us living together only last about six months then we both moved back home. You just learn so much more about a person when you live with them

Answer 11

I am totally against it. Keep your own place till you get married. You are not doomed. Living together before marrying sometimes is the worst thing that you can do. It ruins the excitment and there is an adjustment period but that is part of marriage. Stay in your own place. It is much better believe me.