My husband and I have a group of friends, some very close and others not as close, but still we see each other at least 8 or 9 times a year for dinner, parties, etc. One of the couples' daughters is getting married and we were the only ones of the group that were not invited. Frankly, I'm hurt, especially since I invited them to my son's wedding last year and they did come. I am not that close to them, but I felt they would feel left out if I didn't include them. Should I be hurt? I was told by another group member that the father's side of the family is very large, so they had to trim the list. Still, I feel they should have invited us. The next time we get together as a group, it's going to be quite awkward, especially if the subject of the wedding comes up. What would you do?
2007-07-27 03:11:54 · 21 answers · asked by fita46 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well, it is very difficult to keep guest lists to a manageable size. I'm sure you had some of these difficulties at your son's wedding as well.
I would just try to muster the strength to let it go, graciously. I'm sure it was nothing personal against you. If the wedding topic comes up at your next gathering, just offer the appropriate compliments ("You must be so happy that your daughter married well" or "I'm so glad you had a lovely time") and change the subject.
2007-07-27 04:05:03 · answer #1 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been on both sides of this situation, when my husband and I got married, I had to cut one of my mums closest friends (I had been a flower girl for her daughter 10 years before and felt I should invite her). It was something I didn't want to do, but I had no choice, there were so many of my mums friends and I had to pick the ones that had the most to do with my life. In the end both of our parents were constantly nagging us about the guest list, to the point where we eloped and had a small dinner when we got back (with just immediate family, meaning that our closest family and friends missed out on actually seeing us marry completely). A year ago my husband and I had been left off a guest list that we would have loved to have been on, but what can you do? Some times there are people that have to get cut and you can't feel bad for it, as it just makes the bride and groom feel worse and after all it is their day, some times their parents just don't have a say. You had the option of inviting them to your son's wedding, your friends might not. I wouldn't mention it as it will probably cause more tension between them and their daughter. If you have been forgotten, the wedding will come up in conversation before then and you can then say you hadn't received your invite yet.
2007-07-27 03:52:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you only see them 8 or 9 times a year. That does not even count as at least once a month. So, you really only meet up with them on rare occasions.
I would not be offended if this were the case. Does this couple see your other mutal friends more often? Maybe weekly or bi-weekly? If that's the case, you can see why they were invited over you.
Secondly, how well do you know their daughter? Perhaps the other couples know her very well. Therefore, it makes sense they would invite them over you again.
I would not be made if a friend I only see a few times a year didn't not invite me to their child's wedding.
Weddings are expensive and family comes first.
You're once-every-couple-months dinners do not make you as close to the family or the bride as you think.
2007-07-27 04:21:38 · answer #3 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be grateful you don't have to give a gift! Without knowing any more details about the situation, I would think that the idea of being invited to the wedding is not as important as finding out the true reason you were left off the list (being cut because of numbers is not a real reason). Is it possible that you are not as close to the bride & groom or to other guests as some of the other friends? Or, did they just forget to add you? Maybe you and your husband should invite the couple (your friends, the parents of the bride & groom) over for a casual dinner. But, don't be the one to bring up the lack of invitation. Hopefully, that will make future gatherings with the group more comfortable. Good luck!
2007-07-27 03:20:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feelings on this, but from what you said it wasn't done to slight you.
You mention the family is quite large and that you are not that close to them. That seems like valid reasoning to me. It sounds like they probably would have invited you, but just didn't have the space. I've heard of people getting invited later when they get some of the RSVPs back, so that may happen too (doesn't make you feel any better, and pretty rotten I know, but you would still be able to go to the wedding)
Try to take it with grace. Hopefully, your friends will not talk of the wedding too much the next time you get together. If they bring it up, just wish them all well and tell them you hope they have a good time.
Good luck!
2007-07-27 03:20:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
You should never feel hurt if you are not invited to a wedding because when a parent only has a certain amount of money to spend on their child's wedding they have to make tough decisions . . and every time a name is added to the guest list, the cash register rings.
And realistically, not every one of your friends will be able to reciprocate the invitation to your son's wedding.
And as you said yourself . . "I am not that close to them" . . and they may feel the same way about you, and that's why you did not get invited to their daughter's wedding.
Take the money that you would have spent on a bridal shower gift or wedding gift and go out for dinner . . and be happy for the Bride and Groom in your own private way!
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
2007-07-27 03:48:33 · answer #6 · answered by Avis B 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would not be upset... Most likely it was more of a financial decision than a emotional one. Since your son is married, I'm sure you have an idea of how expensive weddings are... it's pretty common that the bride & groom limit their parents' friends. If you really are that upset about it, talk to your friends about it and let them know you were hurt... if you're not good enough friends to have that conversation, then you're probably not good enough friends to have been invited anyway.
2007-07-27 04:20:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was not invited to my friends daughters wedding. I am so hurt - I am paralyzed with hurt. We have small group of 5 gals that we at times even take trips together I was the only one of the group not invited. The reason, "You are not that close with the Bride". When one of my kids get married I wouldn't even think that way. Your'e MY friend, its MY kid I would love to have you there. Celebrate with us. Well, maybe not now. I am so hurt. It's not repairable.
It wasn't a money thing. It wasn't a "size" of the wedding thing. It simply was your are not "that Close" to the bride. Doesn't our friendship speak for anything? I see from the other answers here on the Yahoo board that I am in the minority here. Gosh, when did etiquette end?
2016-10-18 07:28:13 · answer #8 · answered by chardonnay001 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can really relate to this! My boyfriend and I want a really small wedding. His parents are insisting that we invite their group of friends, most of whom we've never met!! We have finally stood up to them and said "no, your friends can't come because this event is NOT all about you!".
Maybe the bride and groom felt the same way and it wasn't anything personal towards you. Maybe they ended up saying, ok you can invite this many people and then the parents drew names and you guys weren't drawn.
My point is, it could have nothing to do with this other couple who is your friend. The wedding is not for the parents and their friends, it is for the couple and their friends. Maybe the couple getting married is closer to the other friends in the group? In any event, I would not let this ruin your friendship with the others. There are too many variables present in situations like this to really know what happened and what the intent was.
2007-07-27 05:39:04 · answer #9 · answered by Sharon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but it's time to act like a grown up. I understand that you feel left out, but perhaps their situation is simply different from yours. Maybe they have more restrictive budgetary or space constraints and had to limit their guest list. Besides that, being friends with someone does not automatically secure an invitation to their children's weddings. It will only be awkward next time your group gets together if you allow it to be. Be gracious and simply say, "I heard Suzy's wedding was gorgeous! Who did you get to do the flowers/cake/photography?" Relate to your friends as the parents of newlyweds instead of pouting about not being invited.
2007-07-27 07:38:36 · answer #10 · answered by corinne1029 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋