Age gap relationships: acceptable or wrong?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months and love him more than ever. It's been a small struggle with my parents because he is 15 years older than me. I believe age is just a number and it doesn't matter as long as the motives are right and people are happy.
Younger people and people from eastern culture seem generally more accepting of age gaps, so I just wondered what the general mixtured opinion is?
Consider age gap to be 10yrs+ rather than smaller age gaps.

Forgot to add, I'm 20

And I'd like to add to the replies about life experience - you're right, 15yrs is a long time for experience but some people experience more things in the first 10 years of their life than anyone ever will - I consider myself more mature than some my age because of that. Thanks for all the opinions though!

Answer 1

I think as long as your happy, it really shouldnt matter what other people think. Your grown so your parents should just stay out of it.

Answer 2

The issue here is that he has lived 15 more years then you have. By you being 20 years old there is so much to do and see. Your parents have a legit gripe but it's your life at this point. When parents have dreams of what their kids will be and how their lives will turn out it's shocking to them when it doesn't go as planned. If you are happy at the end of the day that is all that matters. Please remember that until marriage you are single, one person and never give anyone control over your life. Always love and respect yourself. There is nothing wrong with age gaps but you have to wonder what makes you different to him. Why has he chosen you over someone closer to his age. Is he fully grown up or does he still have some growing to do. These are things your parents are thinking. I am 34 years old and I can't think about anything I would have in common with a 20 year old unless it was sports, religion, foods, ummmmm kids I really don't know if there would be something on a romantic level. Just be careful and remember to love yourself first and foremost.

Answer 3

While there is nothing wrong with an age gap as long as you are both adults, there are some things you will need to talk about before you think about going further. The issue of children certainly should come up .. When you are 25 and he is 40 and you want to have a child he may think that he is too old to start a family. Or suppose that next year when you are 21 and want to go out and he has that "been there done that
attitude.

So as long as you both can be totally honesty with the other it can work.

Answer 4

I am 21, very mature for my age and have a boyfriend who is 19 years older than me. When we met we just clicked. Going out for 3 1/2 years and still going strong.

We have a great time together and he is not a boring old fart. He acts like a big kid but mature at the same time. I don't really like boy's my own age cos thay are so far behind and fail to see the bigger picture. The amount of stuff i do with my boyfriend i will never get from some one my own age. We have both contributed something to each other to our relationship. He loves me to bits but he does worry a bit about not being good enough but all i can do is reassure him. I don't see him for his age but the person I love being with that matters. My whole family treat him as a part of the family, he helps my dad, they go out with the trials bike, climbing. My dad likes it cos he has an other man in the house and BF and uncle are going to 2008 TT so all is well and i hope your parents will come around. I would try getting your family to know him better but hear them out if they have issues and discuss it with them.

So go for it girl and do what u feel is right. Your parents are only looking out for you and will see sence when they see you are happy and moving forward with your life. This is what happened to me, they accepted our relationship cos i was moving my life forward for the good, i had some personal problems before i met him and I changed. Age should not be an issue when it comes to someone 18 or over. Be carefull with some older men cos they can get over protective , just too pervy, treat u like an odject and tie you down.

Dont take any notice to people who have bad views about your relationship cos they are ither jealous that they can't get a BF or frightened that their partner will run off.

So i wish u good luck and be happy

Answer 5

I feel like as long as you are over 18, it doesn't matter. I have had guy friends my age (28) that act like children... and, had one that was 12 years older and he acted like a damn child too! But, recently I met a young man... about a month ago, that is very sweet and mature for his age. (I've only known him for a month, this is just what I observed so far.) We can have conversations that last for hours on end... I haven't met anyone like him ever... lol. And, he's 19 going to be 20 soon. And, it's funny how I had just told a friend I would never date under 21... Well, long story short... he's a cool guy and I don't know what will transpire, but, I just want to say age doesn't matter, as long as the person's involved are 18 and over... Soulmate's can come in any form...

Answer 6

I am 21 and my boyfriend is 32.

We have a great relationship. I think you (you as in everyone) have to be careful at the beginning to make sure that the guy is decent and isn't just after some young 'innocent' girl to fulfil any strange kind of fantasies he may have whilst approaching old age, but those kind of men are exceptions to the rule.

Personally I don't find that I even remember he is older than me. We just get on with the relationship and every so often I'm like 'Oh, yeah, I forgot you were older...'

Answer 7

I've dated women 5-10 years older than me when I was young(18-25) and since then, women younger than my age by the same amount and more. To be honest with you, as long as it isn't obvious by looking at the two of you what's going on, or that he's that much your senior, I wouldn't worry about it. In 20 years, do you really think anybody will care, much less wondr about it? And, if they ARE still concerned about your business, take a look at how their lives have transpired...I bet they've had their fair share of problems with their own mates and age is the least of your worries, either one of you!

Answer 8

I hope you guys don't find this offensive, but i honestly think people who "impose" their perceptions on the dating age gap upsetting, that's why i'm going on this rant, haha... I'm not dating anyone younger than I am, so I'm speaking from a neutral point of view. The first reason why I think its upsetting is because it is people like them who makes an issue like this objective, or even scientific, when it should really be subjective. Granted, there are some rules and laws set in place to fend off people with harm in mind, and its all good and reasonable, like the age of consent. I also understand that when people tell you this and that about the age gap, most of the time they have your best interests in mind. But this comes to my second reason for being upset - this is not other people's relationship, but yours. I think as long as your family and friends know the person you love and agrees to it, there's no reason why you can't date someone even with an age gap up to 10, 15 years. Every individual is different, and have a unique chemistry with another... my advice is this: first go with your heart (pray and reflect), then for more discernment - go to your family and good friends who know both you and the guy/gal well (and love you), NOT some random people online who don't know either of you. Its YOUR happiness! Don't let people who you don't know hinder you with their point of view that's also non-scientific and based on different cultural/social norms. The most important thing in a relationship is always compatibility, and i'm not just talking about common interests and goals (tho its important)... its how you both are willing to compromise, understand, accept and appreciate one another unconditionally even with recognized differences, whether it be in life experiences, temperament, etc...
With all that said... its still going to be difficult because you're going to have some people who claim to care for you but don't realize how narrow minded they are. But the flip side of the coin is this: do tread carefully as people who are older have ways to tug at your heart, and even play with it. I wish you budding couples out there best of luck, and may God bless you with strength to overcome all obstacles in the name of love.

Answer 9

Hi there! I was 20 when I met my (now) husband who was 42 at the time. 7 years on, we have been married 6 years with three wonderful children and the age difference has never gotten in the way. He tries to keep himself fit so I don't outlive him by too much. As long as you are aware that you will become widowed probably significantly earlier than your peers, then go for it.
I would rather live as a widow than miss out on living with my husband.
All the best.

Answer 10

im in a relationship where there is an 11 year age gap (im the younger one, 21, female) and as far as i can see the age gap isnt such a big problem (except for the fact my parents dont know yet!) . if there is mutual respect and admiration for one another and you communicate effectively about any doubts you might have regarding the relationship then everything should be ok. good luck with everything!

Answer 11

That depends on your age really. If you are 21+ it is acceptable if you are younger than that there are certain experiences and thing place that he may go that you well can't. That makes things awkward. If you love him then it doesn't matter, I've dated people 10years older than myself & 2 of them were best relstionships there was no drama it ended well in the end we weren't looking for the samer things. It was easier to talk to them about what they were looking for though. Good luck, have fun, hope this helped.