I need advise specially from Indian girls...?

Question

I have been born and brought up in Germany which is a free society.
I had a few girl friends during college days but I now am alone.
My parents wish to get me married to a girl from India. I got engaged to a very beautiful Indian girl and intend to get married in 3 months time. I know the girl is bit traditional in nature.
During discussions with her, she asked me if I am virgin. I couldnot answer the question as I have already lost it.

I am not sure how important is the answer to this question for girls in India and this is my question to you. How important is male virginity for Indian girls ?
I am personally ok with such a girl, however I would expect girl to be committed to me after marriage.

Would you consider marrying a boy if you know he lost his virginity before marriage ?

Answer 1

Well, would I consider marrying such a boy? It depends, really. I have been brought up in a way to believe that extra-marital and pre-marital sex are well, not done. But if the guy is honest with me, and is prepared to be faithful after marriage, I might give up one taboo. I don't know whether your fiancee will accept you if she learns you are not a virgin. But one thing I am sure about. You must be clear with her. You should not let her marry you on the basis of lies. Tell her about your past affairs, try explaining that what you've done is not really an offence under the values you've grown up and promise that you will be faithful to her once you get married, and let her take the decision. If she accepts you, well, you are fortunate and try to live up top your promises. If she refuses, well, a marriage shouldn't be built up on lies and perhaps you need to find someone else.

Answer 2

This is a great question for me to ask Indian boys as well...thanks. I'm like u...only in the respect that I was born and brought up in the US. So, my answer is probably not what u wanted. Initially I'd have a problem...since I waited, and I'd wonder y it was so hard for u, that u didn't wait. I assume this would be along the lines of what ur fiance would be thinking too. I also thought being open and honest about ones' past to ur future mate was a good thing...but in the case of Indians, I don't think they can handle it, since the cultures are different. Plus, it could breed insecurities...she might wonder y it didn't work out between u and the other girl and such, she could also use it against u later in life....who knows? What do u gain by telling her ur past? Nothing really...only the hopes that she'll understand y u are the way u are. There's no need for that...because ur married now, and life should go fwd...not back track. I'd lie to her...or ask her y she wanted to know. Then based on her answer, use ur judgement.

Answer 3

Brought up in Germany in a very liberal society - but when it is to marry you still accept an arranged marriage... Fantastic, that’s why I refused to marry an Asian guy... and preferred to marry a European man of my choice.
Would it matter to me if you were no virgin? No, not at all, but I would never have married you anyway.
You are not modern, you are as traditional as your parents, living in Germany and getting the best of western society (including young, pretty blond German girls...) - but now suddenly you accept to go to India to marry a typical Indian girl who probably never has set a foot out of her parents home during her whole life.
If I were you, I would tell a big lie... say, yes, yes, I am a virgin, too... why not? You are just acting in a hippocratic way - accepting an arranged marriage... so why should you tell the truth to somebody you don’t even know at all? What about all that girl friend you had before? Not good enough for you and your family… honestly, we will never progress as long as we go on like that… I feel ashamed for you…

Answer 4

First of all, congrats that you are getting married.
Since you Say that your parents picked up a bride for you, you certainly must be mature enough to understand what i am going to say.....
Marriage is one of the MOST important phases in our life, specially for an Indian like you and me. The question of virginity is very important in India. Though girls in India cant protest and say i cant get married to this guy because he is not a virgin. but somewhere, in corner of heart, every Indian girl want to have a husband pure as milk.
BUT, No marriage cant last if its started from a lie. I personally feel that confess to her Ur entire past life, how u think, how u feel.... Also tell why and how u lost Ur virginity. Also say sorry,because the gift of virginity which u were suppose to give to her. i.e ur wife, u gave it to someone else. At first she might get mad,... but she's an Indian girl. It will take time but She will definitely understand u and later, even love u for being honest to her.
And please be honest to her, now and forever..... And your relationship will be happy and strong.

Answer 5

India or abroad, girls are pretty much the same! We are living in year 2007, and are travelling ahead in time, not going backwards! So, what you need to do, perhaps, is to have a chat with the girl, gradually getting to know her well, and then opening the more intimate topics for your mutual discussion, during the next 2 months or so, which could be considered as the prelude to the next phase of your life! So, good luck!

Answer 6

I m an Indian girl an i know that this is a very big thing in Indian society....!!!!
if the girl is very traditional and cultural type then she will feel very bad.....!!!
But as u told u r going to get marry her in 3 months then don't worry she will not leave u.... B'coz after getting engaged its very big thing 4 Indian girls break there engagement....!!
But plz tell her the truth.....!!! don't hide the truth from her....!!!

Answer 7

As the girl has boldly asked you this question, if she marries you there is a dangerous possibility of her looking at you suspiciously even when you are not unfaithful to her. To Indian girls. this matters a lot[generally-more so because she has asked you this specific question].Tell her , and if you really like her tell her that also.After marriage, you need to be faithful to her. If she really likes you and goes ahead it is fine. If she calls it off, then it is fine-all that happens is for your good.
You are an Indian, -how is it that you chose to experiment a bit?
You can choose one with a similar background.

Answer 8

hi,
i m an indian and married for 4 years. my parents arranged the marriage for me but at the same time they also asked me to be friendly with the guy so tht we both cud know each other in a much better way. i belong to a small town but at that moment i was working in delhi.when our marriage got settled my wud be was in SF . and we used to speak every alternate day.
its more or less the same situation that ur fiance is in....
when he came to india he met me first before leaving for his parents place on that day i asked the same question to him
and u know what he told me the TRUTH tht he is not virgin and before our marriage got settled he was involved with a girl named Gennie in US.
when i heard tht initially i felt very bad but thn i thought tht i've been speeking to this man for almost four months, and we had developed good friendship between us. and whatever he told me about himself .he cud have hide those things,but he didnt, although he knew after listening to all this i could have break our engagement....,, even then he told me all these things

the very next day when we met he told me that" i love u a lot i wud b a good husband only if u trust me i'll never see any other girl in my life over u ." he also told me that from the day our marriage got settled he had never seen Gennie or any other girl.
and i see the truth in his eyes.and hence we gat married after a fortnight.and he has been the greatest husband i cud ever had.

if the girl trusts u thn i believe u should tell her the truth.. because these are the things u cannot hide from a girl... if u r experienced thn she will come to know about it and she wud feel cheated and u cannot have a long term happy marriage life...i suggests tell her the truth.and to whomsoever you got married be COMMITTED only to her

Answer 9

The issue here is not exactly morality. Most Indian girls (especially living in a metro and exposed to the modern society) have liberal thoughts and ideas about virginity and sexuality.
However what concerns a girl more about their partner not being a virgin is the fact that the partner is already sexually exposed and hence has experienced a good/bad/best sexual episode in the past. So will the partner compare her with those experiences? Will she be able to satisfy her partner (especially if she has not had any experience in the same matter)? are the issues that are likely to bother her.
However my advice would be ....dont tell her. Its ur past and hopefully will never impact ur present or future. So start afresh in a new relationship!!! FORGET THE PAST. dont let ur past ruin her feelings or this new budding relationship.

- Married, Indian girl living in India!

Answer 10

listen hun....you got engaged to her and she trusts you, by the way i am indian, to me the guy i marry should be a virgin, but it can be different for other girls, maybe she's asking you cuz she's guilty of doin the same thing, and if your true and you love your fiance, and she knows that then i think she'd be alright with it, if someone liked me a lot and was not a virgin but had everything else in him then i would'nt mind, so my answer is yes only if the boy truly loves me, but no..if he doesn't, so ask yourself how much do you love this girl!