My friend Michelle has this close friend Tyahnee who she grew up with and now they are both mothers with two kids. The thing is Tyahnee never buys Michelle or her boys gifts. Every time there is a birthday party she rocks up empty handed and this year she even turned up to Michelles wedding empty handed.
Michelle is quite upset as she is always very thoughtful and buys gifts for Tyahnee and her girls for birthdays, christmas etc.
Tyahnee buys gifts for other peoples kids but just not Michelles.
How should Michelle aproach this?
2007-07-26 23:59:44 · 12 answers · asked by Not just a pretty face 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I have told Michelle to stop buying Tyahnee's kids gifts but she is too nice and would never consider doing that. She feels it would be unfair to the kids.
2007-07-27 00:09:43 · update #1
Tyahnee is a few about 4 years younger than Michelle and when they were younger Tyahnee's mother used to buy the presents and they would be from both of them. It seems she has never grown out of this.
2007-07-27 00:21:34 · update #2
Tyahnee's mum doesn't buy the present any more obviously.
2007-07-27 00:35:15 · update #3
Michelle wants to know if she should buy Tyahnee a present for her upcoming wedding in October?
2007-07-27 01:40:42 · update #4
I have been in this situation before with my best friend that I had all my life. She could never afford to buy presents or to do stuff with me, so in order for her to hang out with me, I ended up paying for a lot of stuff. Now she never even bothers to visit me when she is home.
I'd say that a true friend would have manners and would bring a wedding gift, at the very least. Since she did not do this, I see no reason why Michelle should give Tyahnee a wedding gift either. I think Michelle should also have a talk with Tyahnee, and depending on what her attitude is and what her excuses are, Michelle can decide from there.
You shouldn't keep score of gifts, like someone else already said, but at the same time, when one person is doing all the giving and another person is doing all the taking, that is not a true friendship.
2007-07-27 02:49:36 · answer #1 · answered by lookoutthewindow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is amazingly dense of Tyahnee. There must be a good reason for it though, if they're really friends. Okay....
Did Michelle ever tell Tyahnee not to give her gifts. By ever, I mean "ever." Ever ever ever?
Nope, I can't think of an excuse for it, actually....
So maybe, since Michelle and Tyahnee are so close, she should have a frank discussion with her someday or maybe drop a line to her casually in a conversation one day.
But really, I think unless there is some financial situation going on, if she is always buying other peoples kids gifts, but not Michelle's, and went to Michelle's wedding without a gift, then...maybe they are not that close anymore? and Michelle could choose to slowly drift apart from her by not always accepting her calls and invites, and not always extending them...and see if that wakes up Tyahnee.
2007-07-27 07:09:23 · answer #2 · answered by all_stardusty 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
she's not stingy, she obviously just doesn't want to buy michelle's kids or michelle any gifts. its not a financial issue if she is buying other people presents. michelle should turn up to her wedding empty handed, and see how tyahnee likes it. actions speak louder than words, so michelle should give her a taste of her own medicine.
2007-07-27 09:50:02 · answer #3 · answered by Missy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friendship should not be a relationship where people count or keep points about who has done a favor for others. I'm not trying to insult your friend, but I'm worried that it seems that all she wants from the friendship is gifts. If she can't stand this person's behavior, the natural thing to do is stop inviting her to parties and weddings. I personally hope that she will just understand the person is like this and forgive.
2007-07-28 02:49:32 · answer #4 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is a must in any relationshp and frdship is about giving and receiving. The best thg wud be to have Michelle take sme distance with Tyahnee and see how the latter reacts. If she lets it go, she never really cared abt their frdship; was only trying the take as much as possible frm Michelle. But if she makes a step towards Michelle, she cares and frm there, they cud try to breach the gap between them by being honest with each other.
2007-07-27 07:16:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why has Michelle dragged you into this? This is a matter between Michelle & Tyahnee, who according to your account, are friends. If they are friends, why isn't Michelle discussing this matter with Tyahnee? You are putting yourself in an akward position by getting involved in something that has nothing to do with you.
2007-07-27 09:15:06 · answer #6 · answered by Lotus Blossom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gifts are meant to be expressions of giving and friendship, not as a score card.
If Michelle feels that she is being taken advantage of, she should quit buying Tyahnee and her children gifts.
2007-07-27 07:06:10 · answer #7 · answered by silly_me 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If they are such good friends she should be telling her friend how she feels about this. It is never appropriate to show up at a party or wedding without a gift.
2007-07-27 08:02:25 · answer #8 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just stop giving her presents or anything worth money. Maybe it might wake her up to the fact that she is being a bit tight. I wouldn't be surprised if you started receiving presents from her if you stop.
2007-07-27 07:04:35 · answer #9 · answered by Brightonboi 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Lift some weights, then put your fists up, clinch your teeth, and growl. Then see who cops out first!!! Good luck.
2007-07-27 07:05:07 · answer #10 · answered by computerbooth2117 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋