My religiously confused sister needs help but I can't figure out what or how?

Question

My entire family believes in god under the faith of Christianity. My older brother and I are more loosely affiliated with practicing the religion. My older brother at least studies the bible, I on the other hand do not. I have a younger brother and sister as well. They seem to be very religious. They both seem to have a twisted sort of faith and that is where I am confused. My younger brother obviously must have a more conservative view on Christianity and continuously takes what is written in the bible more literally. He claims that there is no possible way to translate or interpret it. If one does interpret the bible then that leads down the path that the devil has some control over. I can live with his beliefs because at least he is willing to talk or argue about certain points. This way I know where he stands.

My younger sister has adopted some of my younger brother's beliefs, but she has also taken a different route. I am completely conviced that she...

...has been taken in by some book author or preachings of a priest.

She believes that objects can be possessed! I can see how this is possible, but she doesn't believe that there is any way to remove demons from them other than destruction.

She used to live in my older brother's house for 5 years. During that time she burned lots of furniture that belonged to my parents and my older brother because she believed it was possessed. She also kicked out a roommate of hers stating that she was a witch!

She doesn't act very Christian like in my opinion. She is the biggest leech that I have ever seen. She practically lives for free at the mercy of my brother. Soaks lots of $ from my parents and takes no responsibility for what she does financially. She has been in at least 8 car accidents 4 of which she totaled the car and my parents fronted the $ to provide another vehicle for her to wreck. She lies all the time to me at least. She treats me and the rest of my family like tools!

My question is this:

What can I do to make this stop? She already knows of my opinion on everything that she does wrong. I don't hold back, If I believe what she is doing is wrong then I tell her right off the bat. Although, it doesn't seem to touch home base with her. Its like she doesn't know what wrong is or how to have feelings.

I am living in my older brothers home right now. This is when she began to act strangely. Could it be the teachings of a local church nearby? Should I be attending mass at random churches to see if I can sniff out any hysterical preachers?

I'm at a loss as to what to do!

"Fruitcake" brought up an important point that I'm surprised I never bothered even thinking of.

This is going to sound strange, but I've never met any of her recent friends! I've seen her childhood friends every once in awhile and people that she knows at stores and things, but I've never once seen one of her friends!

I should have seen at least one of them during all that time I spent coming over to fix her cars she wrecked, do house repairs, and simple chores!

She did and still does spend a lot of time whenever I see her talking on the cell phone to "a friend". I wonder if I should be doing a little snooping! This will become easier to do when my family starts a Verizon family plan!

Clarification: I don't live under the same roof with my sister. She moved out of my brother's house and I moved in. I refuse to live with her for various reasons, including the looming threat of having my stuff part of a bonfire.

Answer 1

Now, this is a matter of personal opinion of all whom respond to this extremely sensitive question, right, Pete? You sound very distraught and I don't want to say anything which may increase your level of distress. If I do, I apologize most strenously, up front.

I am sorry your sister is causing you and your family such distress. I must state the obvious, that nobody can stop your sister from taking advantage of anybody, except the person(s) she is actively taking advantage any given moment. Nobody can protect me from someone I love whom wishes to take advantage of that love. I too have children and I know they each have, at one point or another, taken advantage of my love for them.

One of the single most difficult things for a parent to have to go through is to see their children hurt or in some type of pain, be it emotional, physical or phychological. It sounds as though your parents understand your sister's elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor. This makes allowing your child to make her own mistakes much more difficult than when your child is fully healthy.

We, as parents, have difficulty watching our healthy children make mistakes which hurt them. However, when we know our child(ren) is not healthy, is rather instead fragile, or unstable emotionally, we find it even more difficult to allow that child to harm her/hiself. We tend to step in and "help" in situations we most likely wouldn't had that child not been so vulnerable, fragile, or both. As parents we know, or at least we should know, that it is the mistakes we make in life which have the most power to teach us those things we need to know in order to grow and continue along the path of self discovery and growth. So, we have to force ourselves to step back and allow our children to fall, even if that fall is very sharp and steep indeed. Sometimes, rather, most often, our children fail to understand exactly how difficult it is to watch them hurt themselves. How much we grieve inside when life is not going well for them. There is a very true saying, which goes something like this: "A parent can only be as happy as his/her most unhappy child". In other words, it is impossible for any parent, one who truly loves his/her children, to find happiness any greater than the least happiness child.

As a parent I have found this to be very much the truth of it. I have several adult children and so have been through most of lifes cycles of growth with them. From their births, to toddlers, sending each off to school for that first day away from me, watching them walk down to take hold of their eighth grade graduation deploma, to first boyfriend, first broken heart, first betrayal of a friend, first real grief from the loss of a loved one and the first glimpse of death, to their joys and struggles, and so much more.

I now must share some truths you probably already know, but which you are perhaps hoping may be found mistaken. What I mean is nobody can help anyone who does not wish to be helped. Nobody can convince anyone of how wrong their thinking is unless and until that person is ready to confront the realities and truth of life. Nobody can change anyone except themselves.

We have no control over others. It is as simple, yet as painfull as that. There is nothing you can do to "straighten" out your sisters twisted religious thought processes or to "save" her herself. She is at the age of consent and as such, in this country at least, she can freely do as she pleases as long as she breaks no laws.

Another item which is true of human nature is that when we have dug our heels in we tend to argue even stronger for our position when others tell us we are wrong. Some of us do this more than others, but it is still part of human nature to be resistant of others who wish to change our minds or move us to alter our way of life. The more you tell her she is wrong, or her thinking processes are wrong, or her beliefs, ethics, integrity etc are wrong, the harder she wil dig herself into those very mistaken beliefs, behaviors, and actions.

The only way you could hopefully affect her way of thinking and behaving is to try reverse phychology. It would have to be very carefully thought out, and likened to a war strategy. You would have to go into this with a long range goal with smaller goals which lead to the larger end result you hope for, allow for setbacks, and of all, ensure she hasn't a clue you are actually attempting to minipulate her behaviors and thought processes.

To do this you would have to first and foremost not allow her to think you have changed your own ethical foundation, your integrity, or lifestyle. Standing tall for who you are and what you believe, but finding a way to convince her that you have decided she has as much right as you in her ideals, beliefs, and way of life. This can be most difficult with a zealot, as zealots often believe they must change the beliefs and way of life of those around them, especially their own families. So, these types of people will not allow others to have their own beliefs seperate from their own, and will not go along with the idea that it is acceptable to allow every individual on this planet to find their own way and live life as their own conscience, moral and ethical beliefs allow or insists. If she herself refuses to accept that everybody has an equal right to believe as they feel is right for them and to live their lives as their morals, integrity, and spiritualality dictates, then she will not go along with your allowing her to do so either.

However, if she has any wiggle room for allowing others to believe and live their lives as mentioned above, then you have room to slowly begin to allow her to think you have come to the understanding that she, as everyone else, has a right to her own beliefs, and way of life. Once you have convinced her of this, you will have lain foundation of a more open dialog between the two of you. When she believes you really wish to allow her her way of life, and that you accept her as she is, then she will be more open and willing to share that life with you. Once you have accomplished this, you will be able to have communication with her.

Communication is key in debate. Once you have opened communication and enabled a dialog between the two of you, you will have succeeded in creating a more positive relationship. Once that is successful you can slowly feel her out, find her weaknesses, and try to undo what damage these religious nuts have done her phychi.

If you are honestly attempting to help her retrieve a healthy mental state, one in which you can actually respect the choices she makes with her life even if you don't fully agree with that way of life then you are doing the right thing. However, if you simply don't agree with her way of life because you believe yours is the only right way to live life, then this would be wrong. It is wrong to minipulate others to one way of thinking simply because somebody believes it is the only correct way to live. As long as you only wish her a healthy mental capasity, one in which you can trust she is making choices which will lead to her happiness, regardless if her choices to not coincide with your own, then that is great.

From what your wrote in your question it truly sounds like you have her and your families best interst at heart. This, if possible at all, will take time, a lot of time and effort. First you have to show her that you sincerely love her and wish only her happiness. It is important that you do not sound judgemental, or disapproving. It is OK to disaprove on some subjects, but you must not speak your true mind or take her to task. Just allow her to know you love her and want a relationship with her and that you two can "agree to disagree" on the issues which you can't agree on.

I can't give you specifics other than this bit of an outline. Instituting an open relationship in which both parties can speak their beliefs and feelings without judgement is crucial. She must feel trust in you and then the communication will follow. If she believes, truly believes you wish only her happiness and that you can accept if not agree with her choices or way of life, then you will have established a fertile field for communication. Nobody shares openly with somebody they feel is judging them.

I wish you the best in your endevour with your sister and your family. I am sorry you are in such a difficult situation. It hurts a great deal when people we love are unhappy and/or causing others we love misery or pain. There really isn't much more painful situations than those involving family. Good luck and please don't forget that you should find at least one thing to enjoy each day and take respite from the responsiblities life brings. Nobody can care for anyone else if they are used up. If you have a person who loves you unconditionally, please bounce ideas off of that person and go there for a safe and soft place to rest when it all seems to be overwhelming.

Answer 2

I really don't think that spying on her will do much good. That will break any trust your sister may have built up for you. I agree that both your brother and parents are enablers allowing her to sponge off of them. Like an open vein that will not close. As long as that happens, she will continue to use them. They're telling her it's okay. As for her belief system, perhaps it's that she's trying to get a rise out of you - she's definitely not a Christian - again the "Fruit of the Spirit" are not evident in her life. I'm surprised that you live under the same roof yet have no clue even IF she is going to church - are you? If you want to "correct" her, you must first look for professional guidance. If you both attend a church regularly you would have no problem talking with your pastor about counseling her. Above all, pray for her. You cannot change her, only God can. I'll pray for you, too. katiefish <><

Answer 3

My friend, you sound very worried about her and it sounds as if you may have reason to.

The thing is, people dont change because you want them to.

What you need to know is that even if we Christians serve the same God, we are still human and can come under influence that is not of God. I had a boyfriend I recently left, who loved the Lord but I could not share his beliefs of other stuff and he could not share mine.

The best I can tell you is that God is love. If we are born again Christians, we are supposed to have the Holy Spirit in us, and if so, we begin to display the "fruits" of the Holy Spirit, which are love, kindness, gentleness, patience, joy, self control, goodness. The Bible also says that you can know a person by their "fruits". If they display the fruits of the Holy Spirit, they are filled with the Holy Spirit.

Your sister may love the Lord Jesus with all her heart, and that is good, but she is still human and may not realise that her actions are not telling others of Jesus and Who He really is.

If I were you, I would try praying for her. Pray that the Lord would change you to see your own faults, and pray that the Lord would help her to know Him.

Objects can have demons attached to them but not be "possessed" by them. Maybe some of the things you find strange are truth? Perhaps your sister may even be worried about you!

The Lord lead you and bless you.

Answer 4

Kick her in the throat and tell her how much of a heathen she is.

Or instead of being absolutely ridiculous, forget about what your sister believes as the opinions of those closest to her are the ones most likely to be considered wrong, she will believe something different just to be different and she will stay different, she has her own mind, so let it work, otherwise you are an ******.

If I yelled at you for hours about how god doesn't exist with the most logic and reason I could muster, I am almost one hundred percent sure that you wouldn't see truth in anything but yourself, thinking how stupid and wrong I am.

Now take that situation put you in the place of me and your sister in the place of you, then you'll understand, or maybe you won't.

Maybe your family should take her to see a shrink ?

Answer 5

You never finished your question...Romans 10:17 " So then faith commeth by hearing , hearing by the word of God ". Reading the bible every day ? Does everybody realize that we all deserve to be in hell ? Romans 3:23 " For all have sinned , and come short of the glory of God ". It doesn't matter how nice we are , haven't killed any one ,gave to charity , etc. The bible is Gods law book for us to follow and live by . I hope you are going to a bible believing church .Hebrews 10:25

Answer 6

"I wonder if I should be doing a little snooping!"

No. It is disgusting that you think you should be prying into affairs that are not your own. This is not showing concern for her - this is showing concern only for yourself. Get over your complex and let her live. If you want to have a discussion of her beliefs, just go ahead and do it. If it accomplishes little, you have done your part in this little "game," and it is up to her to come to any "truthful" conclusions.

I think you're the one who needs help, what with all of your focus on her and your inability to realize that YOU could be wrong, too.

Answer 7

Ask your younger brother how that course in Hebrew, Aramaic and Koine Greek is coming along, as those are the languages of the bible.

Ask your younger sister when she plans on starting behaving like a christian. And slap her for the silly possession nonsense.

Answer 8

You might want to investigate further to see if your sister is involved with some sort of cult. Do her friends have similar beliefs? Your brother is enabling her to live irresponsibly. So are your parents.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like your sister is possessed and not saved. Because that is not the works of God what she is doing.

Answer 10

I don't think you managed to finish your post; but, it doesn't matter. I can tell you this. Do not concern yourself with what others think or believe, only with what they do. It is the only sensible way to live.

Answer 11

she sounds like a spoilt brat.