hey guys i could really use some advice. I have had it with my bf. the pain and suffering he has put me through for the past 3 years of our relationship has finally taken its toll on me. I have told my bf that i need a break as i feel like im losing it big time, and although i know what he's done to me is wrong (emotional stuff not physical) I cant help how i feel and my heart was breaking lastnight when i told him i needed space. how can i toughen up? I know deep down on this one that i have to follow my head but i dont think i have the courage to follow through. im just fed up of having to pick up the pieces of all the mistakes he makes espcially with money and its pissing me off. am also fed up with him not even trying to look for work. am pissed off, guys what do i do?
2007-07-26 23:07:29 · 25 answers · asked by nc 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
can i just say to the guy that added the obnoxious comment - Arthur, how dare you say that its a womans job to look after her man. I bet you are a hermit in your own sad individual world who's probably never had a relationship because of your horrid attitude. I believe that men and women are equal. I asked for genuine advice not to be slated and to be dogged on. i have one word for you - LOSER
2007-07-27 00:07:19 · update #1
Your heart and your head speak the same language and they both agree...it's just that your heart feels the pain differently.
You said: "I have had it" - thats your head.
Then you said: "...what he's done to me is wrong (emotional stuff)" - thats your heart - emotional is always heart...
Your heart is breaking because you finally made the big step in telling him you needed space. Your heart was really saying...it's over.
You don't ever need to toughen up.
Try to accept that falling out of love is harder than
falling IN love.
and
you can't go back to an old emotional state.
Just as an 18 year old that moves away from home - can't go home and be the baby anymore...a lover cannot return to a broken relationship as the same emotional person.
I wish you well.
2007-07-26 23:15:52 · answer #1 · answered by Warrior 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I see that you feel used and taken advantage of - you don't deserve that and you certainly don't need that either....Arthur is sooooooo wrong with his response - and it was uncalled for.
I've been there, and the pain is mostly in the heart because it was abused the same way as yours is.
Break the pattern of men like that - you're a great person and you deserve better for yourself. It always hurts this terrible the first time it happens and you need to tell yourself that you gave it your all, it was him that failed you. Relationships in your life should not be like that.....won't be like that again.
Your head is your best defense - keep telling yourself why you are hurting - when you hurt, feel the pain and have a good cry because your pain is real - feel it out and you will learn not to hurt the same way again. Your head will help your heart thru it all. Be your own best friend and be true to yourself.
Set boundaries that only special men can cross....men that are financially stable and responsible, men that treat you like you matter....no unemployed borrowers, no men that lack compassion................this will help you thru the way one man treated you and help you to avoid this type of person again, but also help you look in a totally new direction for what you want out of a relationship.
Be true to yourself and make better changes and decisions for yourself.....it's time to become a little selfish but only to help avoid this happening again, a new outfit or a little more attention to yourself is what you could do now, it helps you express your inner beauty and show the world you are a survivor that can adapt and overcome.
Look into yourself for the person you really are and run with it.......You are a beacon that can shine with a little polishing.
2007-07-26 23:36:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you want to follow your "HEAD" and tell him you want to take a break, but in fact, that is not your "HEAD" it is your "HEART" you would be following, because all this emotional pain he put you through affects your heart. Your heart can't take no more, so tell him, if he won't work now, chances are if you stay with him another 10 years, nothing will change. Maybe it's just me but, if I had a girlfriend and no job, I would try everyday till I got one so I could take care of my baby, Even though money does not buy love, it can buy things for your baby to prove your love, and if he is not willing to do that, then,,,you do what needs to be done, what your heart needs, something better
2007-07-26 23:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awww, you sound so sad! I'm so sorry.
You are doing the right thing even though it hurts terribly right now. If things have been going down hill for three years I don't think it's going to improve and you deserve some happiness and peace!
Hey, you can't find Mr. Right while you're with Mr. Wrong! Give yourself a chance to blossom and enjoy life! Start doing things you love - movies, friends, anything that makes you really happy. Spoil yourself! Bless you and hang in there girl, things will be better before you know it! When one door closes another one opens! Been there, done that! Good luck!
2007-07-26 23:17:21 · answer #4 · answered by Janet H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your head believe me I have just went through the same thing. It took me a long time to decide to break up with my bf we were together for 4 years he wouldn't work either, just wanted me to work. I finally decided I deserved better. It was really hard at first but over time it gets easier Its been a year since I've even talked to him and I feel better than ever. You can do it and you'll be glad you did. Good Luck!!!
2007-07-26 23:23:36 · answer #5 · answered by LYNETTE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even from medieval times, a man had the role of breadwinner. So if you are hanging out with a guy who has the ability and opportunity to work and earn money, and well, he chooses not to, that qualifies him as a guy to be dumped. Period.
Otherwise, (1) be prepared to fend for him for life, (2) be ready to have him waste your hard earned funds on some bad habits.
If I weren't married, I'd come looking for a lady like you who has basically borne a lot of irresponsibility for 3 years now. You are one of a kind.
2007-07-26 23:15:53 · answer #6 · answered by Professor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's treated you bad emotionaly, thats it, period. Whether your strong or not, sweetheart, It WILL in time make you even more miserable sticking around. Your heart and head seem to both know already he's not for you, but it's your fondness of him that's keeping you from calling it off. You can never really "toughen up" if you aren't tough enough already. In order to become tougher, you need to change yourself, and you can only go so far with that, until you aren't yourself anymore. My advice, love, is to break it off. But don't cut him out of your life all in one blow... do it slowly.. little by little, and allow yourself to adapt, so you aren't heartbroken. At your own pace, basicly. This guy is odviously more trouble than he's worth.
2007-07-26 23:19:39 · answer #7 · answered by Bliss in Ignorance 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you know what to do. If you're really, (and I mean REALLY) tired, then you won't be having 2nd thoughts to ask for a break.
I think you still love your guy. Talk to him about it, if he's serious about you then he'd find a way to understand and make ammends. Do not make rationalizations to defend him, like "maybe he'd learn someday" or "maybe he'd look for a job and it's not just his time to find one today". If he values you and what you want, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone and is for his good and the good of your relationship, he should realize that all you want is what is best for the both of you. If he can't realize that, then love yourself first and try to move on.
2007-07-26 23:13:48 · answer #8 · answered by earthangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go and write down all the reasons you have today for taking a break and being mad at him so that every time you're tempted to take him back, you can look at the list and see if he is better or just the same old jerk. Fill your time with friends and work to stop you from thinking about him all the time.
2007-07-26 23:13:32 · answer #9 · answered by Annie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow ur heart
2016-04-01 04:31:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋