I have recently stopped seeing a guy (we were only seeing each other for a month) because it didn't feel right between us. I have tried to be friends with him, becuase i do enjoy his company. He however, said he still has feelings for me and is "all or nothing" in his approach to me (ie. is nasty to me if i don't sleep with him). I don't think i am leading him on, and i have made it clear where he stands, but if i visit him he pulls the moves anyway. He seems to get the wrong idea just becuase i am visiting him at his house.
I have recently moved to a new city so i am kind of keent o see if i can keep the friendship with him but it looks as though this is going to be impossible. Help?
2007-07-26 22:33:41 · 18 answers · asked by lilly g 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i know that he may feel rejected, but the main reason we broke up was because i simply didn't have very strong feelings for him, not much of a connection, which for me is important. It's NOT a case of petty things which can be worked out... I think it's either "there" or it's not, and if it's not, why sacrifice a friendship?
2007-07-26 23:26:50 · update #1
And he just texted me then saying "speak soon" ??? WTF?
2007-07-26 23:33:37 · update #2
Keen to see what? How much more of his abuse you can take? This guy is a dog and you're his bone. What kind of company is being treated nasty? You have persecution complex if you accept this from him or anybody. Maybe that's why something doesn't feel right. He gets the wrong idea because that's all he is capable of, especially when he sees you coming around to his house. His head is so full of wrong ideas that he wouldn't know what a right one was if it came up and bit him on his lock jawed snout. So when you're through being "keen" and you've satisfied your curiosity, go with the smartest thought that you've had yet. That is, friendship is a foreign element to him and is so impossible to attain that even a stick of dynamite couldn't budge it loose. It may hard to understand men in general, but it isn't difficult to figure this one out. He's a rude crude Neanderthal dude. You were fortunate to stop seeing him and if you're smart you'll continue to stay that way.
2007-07-26 23:31:16 · answer #1 · answered by quantumview 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he things "friends" means "uncommited sex". Even though I dont personally think this way and disagree with the philosophy entirely... I do understand his unwillingness to become mere friends. I cant do that either. Being friends is a constant reminder of rejection... of not being good enough for more than friendship. The truth is, if for whatever reasons a romance would have failed, those issues will persist even as friends. Friendship are less intimate in that you have an excuse to ignore each others failures and failings... ignore whatever problems made a breakup inevitable. But anyone with half a brain will recognize that those problems between the two of you havent gone away. If youre truly able to work out your differences to become friends, then why couldnt you have done that as a couple? Forcing a friendship to work happens only when both parties have selfish motivations (your desire to have a friend in a new, lonely area, for example)... the each of you would need to have a self-benefiting reason to force a friendship that probably will either fail, naturally, or will succeed only after intense struggles to find a "working form". After a breakup there are always too many problems and issues... if not jealousy then animosity or simply the same confrontations youve always had. The problem hasnt been fixed... just the form of the relationship they will occur in and therefore the likelihood that it will be discussed openly. Its not immature of him, per se, to not want a friendship... it might just be realistic of him. Think of this, too... you rejected him because a romance was impossible... now he is rejecting you because -he believes- a friendship isnt possible. Why is this bothering you?
2007-07-27 05:39:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it makes you feel any better I'm not that kinda guy if a relationship doesn't work out I don't mind being just friends.
Though this guy here only wanted you for your body and seems stubborn about his "all or nothing approach". I usually don't say give up and move on that much, but in this kind of situation that's the best advice I can give you. Being friends with a jerk isn't that healthy or good at all.
Not all men are like this and not every guy has to be your your friend when you through.
2007-07-27 05:53:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this guy has a hard time letting go. Maybe you should cut off contact for a while and wait till you both have new partners and then see if you can have a friendship otherwise he will probably think you are still interested with the overtures of friendship (i know it sounds stupid but that's how the male ego goes)
2007-07-27 05:43:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a guy whom I dumped had told me that "friends can become lovers but lovers can never become friends". I guess thats the attitude of many of the guys out there.Once you dump them its really hard for them to be just friends with you.Maybe the same would hold good for us too,think about it.Would you wanna be all friendly with a guy whom you are interested in but who had dumped you?? If yes,then you are probably holding on to hopes that he would eventually come back to you.Do u want this guy to have any kind of hopes? Are there any chances? If not,then Best thing to do is to stop trying to be friends and get on with ur life and let him get on with his too.Maybe you can gt in touch with him again after an year or so when both of you have moved on to other things.Right now,I would say that trying to be friends is a bad idea.In my case,I decided to cut cords altogether with the guy who made the above statement and believe me,I have never once had a chance to regret my decision.
2007-07-27 05:43:24 · answer #5 · answered by sweetmini 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey take it from a guy with some insight to your problems, life is way too short to be dealing with all the wierdness. I am sure there will be plenty of new people to meet in your new city, and if this guy ever snaps out of the lusty haze he will contact you and maybe rekindle your friendship. sounds like he is the one with the issue, and you have made things clear to him.
2007-07-27 05:42:27 · answer #6 · answered by ara1192002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He told you that he still has feelings for you and that it is all or nothing right? and you just want to be friends and you told him that too right? Well, in his eyes even though you told him you just want to be friends, he remembers himself telling you that it is all or nothing, so he thinks cause you still come around than that means you want him too. Even if you were very clear to him that you wanted nothing but friendship, he will still try to get you back as long as you keep comming around. It sounds stupid, but you are leading him on, because he said all or nothing and cause you still see him that is obviously not "nothing"
2007-07-27 05:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If being just friends is difficult for him now. Imagine how hard it will be when you tell him you are seeing someone else. A clean break with no contact is what I recommend. A few cities between you should make it a lot easier.
2007-07-27 05:40:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has made his position perfectly clear. (as offensive as it is) and your only option to preserve any sense of your own self worth in the future, get the hell out.
He did say he wants all or nothing and you wont listen. so either be raped by consent or move on
2007-07-27 05:41:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men are Black and White. I have no Girls as friends I tried but it always went wrong one way or the other. Now I am married and I love it.
2007-07-27 05:42:09 · answer #10 · answered by peoploppian 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋