im shy/nervous to talk to guys cuz i was molested???idk?

Question

i was molested when i was younger an like im so shy/nervous talkin to guys an with my boyfriends sometimes i feel unsomfortable with them puttin thier hand on my leg or when were kissing an like i have issues with trustin guys an i was talkin to my friends about it an they said maybe its because i was molested i dont really know but i dont wanna feel like that anymore i just wanna if that could be the reason why??

Answer 1

Do yourself a favor and ask either your parents or your school to refer you to some counseling so you don't have to deal with this for the rest of your life.

Answer 2

I don't know how old you are, or exactly what you have been through, I just want you to know that you can have a normal relationship if you truely love and trust the person that you are with. I have 4 daughters, all of which were molested, two are married, and two are engaged to be married. Also two of them have children of their own.. Your can get past being molested if you work at it. This requires, support of your family and a professional. Also remember it is the problem of the molester, not you, it was never you. It is their illness/sickness, and you just happened to be in the line of fire. Tell your bf, the truth, he may be more understanding than you could ever emagine. If not he is a jerk, you do not need him in your life anyways. The best solution to molestation, is to be honest with those in your life, because if this is true love, you do not want to have this major secret between you, and he should understand, (if he is a good guy) what you have been through. Good Luck. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

How long since you got ut of the relationship with your ex? Would be best to recover from that and get over it before you rush into anything. However saying that nothing wrong with begining a friendship with this guy and see where you go from there. Its funny as l remember when l was young and met a nice guy at a friends youth group. Never saw him after that night but a few months later was walking home from school and was near my house when l saw this guy get off a bus in front of me. He lived just up the road from me. I ended up putting a note in his letter box and we dated for about 3 years. Do you have his mobile number? Do you have any friends who know him? You could always send a message to him via myspace. I would not rush into anything but and be yourself. (l am talking from experience too) Good luck

Answer 4

If the molester initiated contact with you in this manner, that could be why. Somehow you have deep seated feelings that you brought this on yourself by him touching you in that manner and as a result, you have guilt feelings over it.I am assuming it was someone you knew, perhaps a boyfriend forced himaself on you when you did not desire it. When another male initiates contact in the same manner, you associate the contact as his intention to molest(not desired) you, instead of intimacy(desired). Have your boyfriend try other types of contact the molester never used,to initiate intimacy. and gradually work in the other moves if you desire. You may have felt you lost control of the situation when the molester forced himself on you. You might try initiating intimacy yourself so that you feel you have control of the situation.

Answer 5

If you are feeling that way, it is really too soon for you to be getting that intimate with guys, then. You should only be kissing and touching people whom you trust not to hurt you.

Like the previous post said, get some counseling to help you deal with the past, and get to understand your limits that you should be setting for your boundaries.

When you know where to draw the line, you will be more comfortable saying stop when somebody crosses that line.

Answer 6

COULD BE. if it's self consciousness-looks, apprehensiveness-fear of being put down or something-only you can answer that- it's good that your looking at it.

I'm 54 male, I was molested, by a lot women and a man when I was very young, and as a preteen I started to arrange for older women to "molest" me!
All of my life I think I over-compensated for that One Man violation by hiding behind women. I needed all of the women I could get, always. And I hurt when they hurt too- I'd play a/their town and we'd hurt because we both knew that the next town belonged to another woman - that's a lot of pain, for a lot of years. Now:
What would your advise to me have been?
Light to you

Answer 7

I've heard this exact same story before. You ened to seek a professional psycologist (not a psychiatrist). They should be able to help you feel more natural with it. You'll regret it if you don't.

I've had a therapist before and it's not weird or anything it's really nice actually. You might think it's going to be awkward but you'll get over it really fast and you should be able to talk about it openly with him/her.

I'm sorry.

Answer 8

That sounds pretty logical.

It makes it that much more important that you date good people that you feel comfortable with and not seek a pattern of abusive relationships.

Counseling might work. I also suggest going to a help group of other molestation survivors.

Answer 9

My full sympathies, my dear one has to move on in life.If a guy is sincere, u can cultivate ur trust over a period of few years, he is trustworthy if he is willing to give u time to concenterate on ur studies n be just platonic friends not rushing u headlong.Time is the best healer, pray to GOD to give u strength, He will hold ur tiny hands and guide ur instincts.

Answer 10

I am really sorry to hear of what happened to you, you must get some advice and be sure to sort out all of these feeling before you can move on, find someone you trust to talk to a close friend, cousin, aunt, sister, who ever it is to guide you, good luck and i wish you well.