I just recently found a a girl at my church likes me. I am 20 (be 21 in aug) and she is 23. Now she has a daughter of about 2 years of age. Now I am really good with kids and have always loved them. Im just wonting some relationship advise on how to proceed with such a relationship. Tips and maybe some first hand experience with how to make it work. Besides the oveus, what would be some things that I should keep in mind when it comes to asking her out.
2007-07-26 19:50:34 · 7 answers · asked by BIG TUG 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Kudos to you for having the foresight to even think of an appropriate way to date someone with a child. Especially at your age.
Speaking from experience (at one time being a single mother of one), I would have preferred a guy to be considerate of the time that I'd have carved out to spend with my child. Basically, understanding that my child comes first. And that if I have a relationship (solely based on the child) with my child's father, that he not be intimidated.
In a nutshell, remember that her child (and his or her needs) will come first. There may not be any spontaneous dates; everything would more than likely need to be planned around finding a babysitter. Maybe not all the time, but the majority of the time.
Definitely show an interest in her and the child. She'll appreciate that. Just be yourself. It might be helpful to let her know about this concern too. She may be flattered that you even took the time out to worry about that.
Good luck to you!!
2007-07-26 20:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by Prodigalchild 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I met my husband when my daughter was 2. He was wonderful with her from the start, and I have been truly blessed to have someone so great in my life, so, yes it can work out. Just remember a few simple rules:
1. For at least the first while, you are the boyfriend, not the father in the relationship.
2. Even though you're not the father, take interest in the child like you are.
I know those conflict, but it's a fine tightrope walk between involved and controlling when you're entering a family. Do fun stuff with her, take her out, play with her a lot, but don't tell her mother how to parent or punish her.
3. you must remember that as soon as you get into a relationship with a single mother (especially one with a child so young) you are entering a realtionship with both of them. It's not like dating a single girl, and yes, that kid will be in the way sometimes, but that's just the lumps you take for being blessed enough to be welcomed into their lives!!!
(and by the way, for those that say you should "overlook her past mistakes", remember that a child is never a mistake, and also that you don't know the entire story. Just because a woman is a single mother, does not mean that she ended up there because of questionable lifestyle choices. Shame on you answerers below!)
God bless! Hope it works!
2007-07-26 19:58:08 · answer #2 · answered by itsmithismith 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Without playing games, don’t be available 100% of the time or let your life be an open book. A man that comes on too strong or doesn’t have outside interests will scare a woman away just as much as it would if the circumstances were reversed. Read here https://tr.im/R89ww
Women don’t want to feel as though they are completely responsible for your happiness and that is what it feels like when the other person has no outside interests. Men who are overeager or jump when the woman says jump are the ones who are more likely to end up in the friend zone. This doesn’t mean that you should play the game of not calling for a few days; it means that you should set healthy boundaries until you both naturally find a spot for the other in your lives.
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2016-04-23 19:53:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you are jumping the gun here. First of all find out if the woman is really interested in you. Go out on a date or two and see if you guys match on more than physical level.
Then if you still have this question come back here and we can help you out.
Good Luck
2007-07-26 19:55:39 · answer #5 · answered by nice guy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think there's nothing wrong with going out with a girl who has a kid...okay, maybe she made a mistake in the past...but that's all behind her...i'm very happy that you saw past her mistake and is willing to ask her out...as always, just be yourself...for a first date, why dont you try asking both of them out (the girl and her kid)...i'm sure she will appreciate the gesture and she would feel relieved that you are okay with her situation...girls like men who are good with kids....that would be a plus on your part...
good luck
2007-07-26 20:00:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Every once in a while, take both of them to someplace that's kid friendly.
2007-07-26 19:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋